she's got a fistful of nothing
with a body full of tattoos

she's got plenty dreams
within empty smiles
and a life
that goes on an and on
for miles and miles

she's got pockets full of regret
in her threadbare veneer
a small smile of regret
beneath her trademark sneer
she's never forget
the tumultuous path
leaving her broken,
but at last
a new cobblestoned walkway
opened beneath her dainty feet
all sins remain unspoken

she's got glitter in her eyelashes
and diamonds on her cheeks
she's got ashes in her mouth
producing siren notes
as she speaks
she's got a lump of coal
in her stocking
and rocks in her shoes
she's got nothing you'd see
she's got nothing to lose

Nightmare creatures don't just live inside our dreams, where they like to feed upon our silent screams.
Nightmare creatures don't just feed upon our silent screams, they continue to form teams, to float boats on the streams of our tears. They waft gently upon our fears and slake their desire upon the funeral pyre of our fantasies. Then break us down with fallacies that families are ecstasy when only should we feel pity. Nightmare creatures that inhabit our dreams scream ecstasy when we deny family but only in a dream, it seems, our nighmare creatures can only get the best of us when we choose to stage a scene.

Every drip from bleeding pen
will forever drop
into an ocean
of broken hearts and distant shores
drowning hopes and flailing flaws
Every line, a path to cross
detailing every love lost
Every hate turns into crime
presenting as a moment in time
failing are the words
sitting as wingless birds
as Winter settles
upon us under snow clouds
we allow to own us
Our words will ever fail
leaving a faint trail
that allows me to find you
but only if you speak true
Speak to me
so I feel rhythm
give my heart beat a rhyme
break me out of this prison
where words have failed me
I'm done being a prisoner
for committing no crime

And the old habits once that led to good times
are just now old addictions
it wasn't supposed to last
to see another day
now it's fifteen years.
With the scars we bare
the shackles sting
we forged a prison
only to never see past the bars
Empty scenes and the faces
I no longer recall
I'm beyond the edge
welcome to the abyss.
**** the greetings lets just start this
as strangers who have grown all to familiar to the flame.
The story is there I just don't care to recall.

Perhaps because you sit there
at the edge of a fiery pit
casting memories into a flame
that were never legit
mocking the chains that hold me
casting aspersions to the skies
when did you get so close
to Purgatory, held hostage
by others lies?
Unchain me from this misery
how so easy it is to forget
the path taken to Ecstasy
is scarred with arrowed hearts
something more scary than
Lost Love and littered with
bones of Regret
You know the story well
you feed the fire with it's ripped pages

As in wasted lies and tattered pages nothing feeds a fire like a good dose of delusion.
No more do I view the possibilitites, simply count the days and escape further into myself.
Sometimes we find within the depths there are no clear answers .
Sometimes locked within we find just more emptiness and nothing more.

Old tracks and new scars together keep company with stories
I care no longer to tell.
The page as it was before you is as broken as before we met.
Does it all ever truly change or just become as twisted and bitter as I?

Do we wish to re read old stories, those that shattered into glass?
Do we want to tell the same old tales? Should we even try to rehash?
Sitting in the darkness, tracing old scars, feeding the fire from pages
that are not who we really are.
Wishing  we were progeny of those that had it good.
Thinking we are better than most but they misunderstood
that we stand in front of the fire, feeding it pages from our book,
never understanding all the mistakes that we took.
Never understanding that we listen to our conscious as we lay,
never understanding there was a price we had to pay.

We tell old stories out of the same old lies
In seconds and empty barrooms taking comfort in space
and drowning in distance .
We wore this disguise, we no longer can recognize our own reflections .

Sometimes truth is the only thing that keeps us from the destruction
all of it built upon lies .
The tides change, taken to a distant shore only returned like a message in a bottle,
discovered long past our time .

Why weather the storm when we always preferred it’s chaos my dear?
Old wrongs would be far easier if not feeling ever so right .
Sometimes you have to follow a dead-end for the pure hell of knowing.

And in that dead end we find the final passage of the book
Written in blood, scratched upon the walls,
tucked away in some hidden nook, in a corner
where we like to hide our eyes.
The final lines of a storm damaged mind, a wrecked soul cast upon a lonely
tide, the final words scratched into scars that wind around a body like a
cloak
The last three words scribbled in a ****** mess..
What a joke!
In empty crowds and fallen stars we often see only what gives us a much easier day.
Wine with regrets, hearts and barbwire confessions, none where ever as true as you .
Bleed those thoughts once more and we will pretend together .

This waltz is as clear as a sinking ships bliss
tell them all I've long since gone insane
Give my regards to your memories for I will burn in their illusions
till our Hell is left barren,  no remorse suits the ash as does this bitter pill
and a never existent flame.

To hide what is so easily viewed  now the scars we bare with such glee in a perfectly twisted display.
Give me no tomorrows promise for I only yearn for today.

I'll walk towards you in stilletos
Naked as the day I was born
and fold myself across you
anticipating as the day is long

I'll bend my knees upon carpet
as decadent as your punishment
and hold my breath until blue
waiting for your commencement

Waiting for your roaming hand
to just simply stop it's caressing
anticipating that sharp sting
upon flesh so eager for addressing

Up and down the fingers splayed
beginning the real torture
wiggling brings a sharp reprise
and a whispered
what have I taught you?

There is no escape, essentially,
as you bend so enticingly
across my knee there is no escape
from me

and crack across my buttocks
brings pleasure to both of us
and an unspoken entreaty,
hips raised in motion
please...
More for me

not all nails
seal coffins
some build
shelter
against rain

This Drink is for You!

Here's to the groovers, the movers and the shakers
Here's to the players, the haters and the takers
Here's to the quiet, the shy, the romancers
Here's to the boisterous, the
energetic, the dancers
Here's to the last, the second,
the first
Here's to the notion you can quench a thirst
Here's to the different, the unique
the one of a kind
Here's to the offensive, the defensive and
the one of same mind
Here's to you all!
Don't colour your world
blue!
This drink raised...
It's for you!

is not a disability to me
be it PTSD
or Bi Polar
or Anxiety Depression
or just riding Solo

it's not a disability to me
it may play havoc
with my everyday life but
it's not an impediment
or an indication
that you lack ability
to deal with living strife

it's not a disability to me
it's more a heightened empathy
a conscious awareness
not a disease (some cases can be)
but not a disability to me

it just means your fortitude
takes you to the next level
when the ground falls
beneath your feet
you don't lay down to grovel
you find ways to make
a near endless day
better than it was yesterday
you praise all tomorrows
because you made it today

your mental disabilty
has never been a disability
to me
*in any way

To truly know the fire,
one must taste the ashes.

To truly feel the burn
one must know the flame

To truly burn with fire
casts off the brightest light.

and in the ashes lay
the taste of another day

when you speak
a tiny little spark
erupts into flame
a mute scream is not seen
and pain is not plain, but
words are an aphrodisiac
to a weakened state of mind
little tiny bubbles of pleasure
fizzing in sizzling veins
leaving all the troubles behind
talk like there is no tomorrow
you must say all that you think
chatter non stop
and the world will pop
like little thought bubbles
floating on a raging stream
cry like your heart is dying
as it sits in the hand of a lover
beating it's last
for it stood fast
before it knew it was over
scream like it hurts,
like it lusts
like it will never be the same
scream like pleasure finally
became pain, then scream once again
when you once again
become sane, if it still hurts
scream until your insane

*do it all, even if it hurts
do not dispute
never, ever become mute

I loved with grand passion
and lost with grander shame

Only those that burn with me
will know such pain

all I ever wanted was to sit down with you, have a drink or two and time to tell you I'll be alright

When you see that star, shining so bright, know it's me, telling you, tonight,

I'm alright now
It's time to let go

In the stars, there are no scars
Just me, shining bright
like I was ever meant to

is it everything
you'd thought it be?
Happy 21st my baby boy
forgive me...
as I lay in bed
Remembering
that 21 years ago
I became a Mother
for the first time
you know
and I was as confused
as you were back then
until your tiny little hand
held my clumsy fingers
that feeling...
it still lingers

But where are you now?
Where have you been?

I've been in Hell it seems,
I lay awake every night
I wait for the fright
of hearing your voice
I dream of the moment
I get that choice

Happy 21st Birthday
to my precious,
most coveted
First born Son

Happy Birthday my darling
though you hate me desperately
I say Happy 21st Bithday

It appears you may have made it
*without your Mum...

She walks the distance
upon a barren moon
where stardust gathers
between her toes
forgotten planets are
remembered, too soon

Her path remains unknown
where sunlight threads
through her amber gaze
sifting breaths between
Silver, on midnight blue
peering through
a galaxy haze
seeing nothing new

Black holes and Supernovas
are small events,
not to her surprise
She crosses oceans
of ill formed creations
that seek to crush her
beneath their demise

Grit beneath her fingernails
crusted diamonds of pre life
She walks on sand like velvet
taking her own sweet time
universally dropping strands
of whiskey and dark red wine
Marking the path to
soul desperation
her only way to shine

No more reading
No more words
No more bees
No more birds
No more hurting
No more rain
No more anger
No more pain
No more breathing
No more sighs
No more seething
No more Sky
No more Sun
No more Stars
No more Moon
No more scars
No more worries
No more regret
No more tears
No more sweat
No more wondering
No more days
No more anything
*Where we lay

words create a soulful like
to what is supposed to be
a picture creates a glimpse
of worlds beyond you and me
A picture, a photograph
is what happens, in words
when we let it
we express our focus
we never forget it
For in our hearts
such words evolve
from pictures we are,
as art
no words can describe
the scribble
that has been etched,
upon our heart

By the capture of the Clouds,
the Moon and the Star

in one such frame
we sit in silence
only to marvel
in very amicable thought
*we are as we are

when I was a kid
you woke up on a weekend
and met your friends
at the local park
you spent all day
playing on the swings
or exploring
and went home
when it was dark
just in time for dinner

when I was young
we got home from school
had a sandwich
did some homework
then met our friends
on the street
for some fun
shooting the breeze
poking tounges
at all the boys
oh the joy

when we couldn't
make it outside the yard
you meet your siblings
out back
where the lawn hadn't been mowed
in days and
you worked together
to create an elaborate maze
for our clothes peg people
to navigate
it was so great

Nowadays

We all live in this tiny fishbowl
I check my daughters Facebook
times untold
just to see what she's feeling
because we are 'Friends'
then I text my Son
that dinner is here,
He's only in a room downstairs
he may as well be living
Siberia

They don't need me
while they have their life
Unlimited cable internet
streaming to their Xbox, iPad,
cellphone, laptop, talking to friends
like I never did unless
they were standing in my front yard
propped next to a bike

and as I sit here sipping grapes
from an old chipped teacup

*I grew up

i n g*

hahaha

very cute but,

No!

What's at the end is, hopelessness
the feeling that gets the better of
most of us
That small realisation that nothing
is there and a minuscule hopefulness
there was somebody to care

Nope

there's no answers, no pretending
what our heart hoped to bring

what is at the end of everything?

Nothing!

She whispered to her husband with a little unease
They want to remove these but without them I might no longer be able to please...

Let them take them!
You're not just your *******,
You're not just your beautiful eyes
I wouldn't care if you'd been plucked blind!
You're not just a pair of luscious legs
that hold up that beautiful peach of an ****
You're the very air that I breathe
and every beat of my heart
I don't care if you don't have a thing on your chest
I only care, that without you near
I would follow you into eternal rest
Please let them take them
I'm not interested in anything
that doesn't have you to support them

His gaze started at her pretty pink toenails and travelled leisurely up her calves, his hands followed his eyes, to her knees and paused halfway up.
His hands skimmed her rounded belly where their three children began their life then traced her tiger scars onto her rib cage but his eyes were on hers, glittering like stars.
He ghosted up her torso and rested a trembling hand on her pulse
He whispered gently, against her lips

*This is what I want to feel the most!

We long to roam through
discarded gardens overgrown
with antiquated notions
to pluck the weeds from
the very soil we often
refused to simply toil
Espying the single rose
beneath the creeping vine
asking not what encouraged it
to be simply divine, it just is
Little weeds that head with colour
springing beneath a summer flower
ignored for its parasitic ways
flourishing beneath a distant gaze
growing in a barren wasteland
untouched by a living hand
Unguarded garden in riotous
bloom, little weeds that like
to loom, beneath the heady
fragrance of another day
asking that you not pull them
from the only soil ever known
to them, they grew heart whole
despite you staying away

I often tell you things
like no one is listenining
as the television casts a glow
on your sleeping face
I'll keep on whispering

I love you

Over and over
as I stroke your hair
as you dream
the ghosts of your past
*like I'm not even there

It seems colder this time...

I mean, sure, I still have a warm body
to lay next to but I'm still chilled
Of course, the fire that burns
hasn't been tended upon
Nobody to cut the wood
No body, no body to cradle
Snowflakes like crystal tears
drop gently from my fears
little tiny rivers of dread
icy rivlets creating endless years
to be skated inside my head

So cold have I become
as I lay me down to sleep
you were once upon a time
the body that once sought mine
now just an empty husk
where I get to warm my feet

I cry into buttercups
where bees sip
their latest sup
I rage in rivers
that are just sand beds
sitting cross legged
watching my skipping stone
just sitting, it hasn't skipped
as I sit and beg
for it to move
I watch the Moon
cross a starless sky
and I cry, I cry
for it to touch it's angel
For should the Moon
ever meet the Sun
the Earth would rejoice
and a love would be caught
but, alas
the Moon never seems
to catch the Suns eye
even sitting in the sky
in daylight, waiting, waiting
for the time to be right
I cast a penny into the fountain
my wish drowned, just like the last
I scaled opposition like a mountain
breathing ghosts from within my past
I kissed a girl and made her cry
I kissed a woman, she liked it
I kissed a man I thought I could love
I kissed a child, a product, despite it
Sitting at the crossroads
simply playing my own tune
I'm sitting here, solo
hoping that someone tunes in soon
Love!
It's just a memory, skipping stones
and moonlit walks
Love thyself in all thy forms
Self love
walks the talk

Sometimes, I remember the good times
but I struggle to remember when times
were good
Sometimes, I remember the bad times
but I can always seem to remember
where I stood
Sometimes, I remember the memories
planted firmly inside my dreams
Sometimes I'm a tightly woven nightmare
Sometimes I'm ripped wide open
at the seams
Sometimes I'm a closed book
Sometimes I'm an open prayer
Sometimes I'm promissory
Sometimes I'm not even there
Sometimes I think that parts of me
should be sold as a sealed section
unwrapped in a place of loneliness
feeding just another's addiction
Sometimes when I lay down at night
I pray to be someone I could be
Sometimes when I lay down at night
I wish there was someone next to me

Someone to hold me
Someone to care
Someone who knows
*Sometimes, I'm there

Nobody cared about the little boy
with death in his eyes
with a collection of animal bones
buried deep inside a chest

Nobody cared about the little girl
with lily white thighs
with memories hidden in teeth marks
on her underdeveloped *******

Nobody cared about the young man
that wore ivory little squares as a bracelet
Not even blinking
when he said I made it

Nobody cared about the young lady
or her necklace made of chain
She wears in stoic silence
when staked outside, in the rain

Nobody cared about the man
who met a woman on a tether
Nobody cared about either of them
Until they got together

They shared an unholy lust
to pay back an uninterested society
To make sure all sins of the past
were paid back in sobriety

Talk was cheap without a cause
Nobody cared about them

Never

In sharing common indifferences
they made sure to repeat

mistakes that weren't theirs

*ever

I can be hurt and broken
I can be slightly off key
I can be silently soft spoken
but don't listen to me
I can be repressed and angry
I can be secretly ******
but don't listen to me
because there are some things
I missed
I forgot to tell you about
how I finally got that hug
and when I got an I Love You
from my Daughter
whom I adore more than above
I never come back to say
that the beaten path
was more a simple stroll
inside a park
When the clouds moved away
and it was a beautiful day
I forgot to take back
my darkest thoughts
I left out how so much joy
fills my ever changing world
don't listen to me
when I'm stuck in a moment
those petals have unfurled
It's a garden sometimes neglected
until there's evidence of a tree
and little sprouts of glad flowers
don't listen to me

There comes a time
when your inner self shouts
Enough is enough!
You can't change him
as his demons cry
You can't break him
But then,
your heart whispers
But, you love him
and I try, oh how I try...

One day I'll be enough
of a person
Enough to recognise
I'm worth it
One day I'll be enough
of a Partner
Enough to recognise
I could be your ever after
One day I'll be enough
of a Wife
Enough to recognise
I need no other life
One day I'll be enough
of a Mother
Enough to recognise
you didn't need another
One day I'll be enough
of an Individual
Enough to recognise
I'll never be good enough
*for you

I** am the sparkle upon the waves
only parts that are a whole
know that I twinkle in your gaze
you whisper to me untold
in less words that are bold
fragments are all that catch your eye
Shards of broken glass
of crushed moments and empty dreams
our solitary shadows are the past
existence is merely just a need
bleed wounds that would choke us
the cut needs to be deep
sunsets are beyond our hopelessness
lonely existence is beneath our lies
reprise just closed eyes

The trails of woe and agony
are not new to me
because every step you've taken
I've taken too, as I I follow you
and when you're  down and out
it's my hand on your chest
checking your heart beat
pressing against you to ensure
your not alone
But your last bout of indecision
lasted more than a week
Your withdrawal from the daily
works, retreating to places
where you could not speak
left us all to go on our way
Living day by day without
your presence, without your
Love, without acknowledgement
We moved on
I know rising from a coma
can be, simply, an astounding feat
but those that you try to engage with
have moved their feet, everyday
You can't just arise and say
Hear me!
For your silence every day previous
left us impervious to hurt
Perhaps a gentle reminder
we were not forgotten in your
delirium would better serve
You were never forgotten,
for a single moment
But to you, in your mind
*We were...

No one can understand what you're going through...

Is the comment I just read!

No one can understand...*

But I can.

A single mother, forced by necessity
To be, mother, father, right and wrong
Standing beside your children
as they laid your body, so strong
into the ground... The cold ground
Gone forever, lost to sound
Lost to the screams of a heart torn apart
Deaf to the pleas to come back to us
Silently, as you lay down to rest
You left behind the part of you that was always the best.

Now, there's nowhere left to go
The empty lounge, the empty bed
The empty path to walk alone?

Where do I go now?

Now that your lying quietly
hidden from the demons
that arrested your life?

Where do I go now?

Your presence was a dark stain
upon my soul.
Why must I pay the price?

Where do I go now?

She speaks in whispers
nobody knows why
but she lies

She thinks in actions
others don't understand
but she can

Captured demons bleed
minus their razored wings
but she sings

There she lies, battered
cracked and broken
No. Words. Spoken

Her demons stand sentinel
over her ****** sacrifice
but
      she
            holds

**the knife

I am not a sufferer, just the sacrificial lamb, I walk everyday unto the slaughter but, I'm not the one ******. One who lives it every day is curled into a ball, just a tiny speck inside the universe I wish I was able to recall..
I would have the sun set upon your shoulders once again, to fight against the darkness but then, if you never slipped inside this hell and walked upon the path, would you be a better man or simply contine to hide behind your mask. I asked you yesterday, and twice today if tomorrow would be more kind? Your answer was "If the Earth shifted 10 degrees eastward then humanity is as ****** as I" and I sighed, for the question you did not understand. What I was truly asking was if you would come back restored,  as the man I adore, the one who I loved through eternity, but you reminded me you are no longer that man, the universe tilts on a different axis, we live in a parallel mind zone and when the time comes to own what's mine, I'll happily live beside you in your mind.