so late
so tired
all I want
no all I need
is sleep
but I'm here
lying here
waiting here
reading those
words that you
never wrote to me
and I'm wondering
what they might
have said
but all I can
think of are those
empty pages with
those thoughts
you never actually
dreamt.

I have neglected to mention
the most important part.
That it's you and only you,
that holds my heart.

what if
we have felt
everything we
will ever feel?

I misplaced you.
How could I have been so careless?

I think about when you left.
Never looking back.
Not even to check.
I just stood there
with my hand clutching my chest.

I know you didn't mean it.
You said you were sorry
and that this was
how you had to leave it.

But my arms feel empty
with nothing to hold.
And I'm left with this
giant
gaping
hole.

I never thought I could be so content,
with your head in my lap
and your heart in my chest.

I beg for something,
but I don't know what.

I long for something,
maybe a new love.

My heart crushed between my hands.

The scars inside and out
scream for someone to understand.

But I look at the clock,
2a.m.

And the coffee I drink
can only keep me awake before I lose each part of who I am.

Then I find
fear
or
solace
within my bed.

I'm never quite sure
which one will find its way
into my head.