written March 23, 2013

"It's not fair
How one can make your heart beat hesitantly when he's not even in your presence
Just one single thought
Or memory
Or picture
Reminding you of the person you used to be
Happy and loved
and now...
People always why you're so quiet all the time
Or why you seem sad
And even though it's blind to you, to others they see the person you have become
Broken and lonely
It's no wonder you sit at home and torture yourself
With his pictures and thoughts
Just to get a small memory
To remind you of those feelings you once felt
Before everything went wrong
When you were the person you wish to be now
And it's not fair
Because he sits at home
With no memory or thought
Just presence in front of him
No past, no feelings
And you sit here and wonder if he's moved on
Or if he even cared in the first place
And it's not fair
To have to sit through this and think
That he didn't care at all
While you remember all the smiles he put upon your face
Or the way he kissed your lips for the first time
Sitting on that bench, after the first date
What a wonderful date it was
And it's not fair
To hear my own thoughts rush through my head
While his are silent
And I lie here, tears dripping down my face
While he's sleeping peacefully
Without a thought
Without a memory
Without me"

written March 4, 2013

"You may have jumped the gun
And I may have held on to the trigger
The feelings they bare for you
For me were so much bigger
'I love you' meant to you some meaning
For me I felt like I was dreaming
But then my delay became intervening
And the words became more and more demeaning
It sounded so real coming from your tongue
Yet scared me to pieces, we were so young
Aloud, I never said these three
Until the last day we ever speak
On the phone I did say,
I didn't want us to be this way
Through the weeping tears I shed
'I love you' were the words I said
And then you ended with a 'goodbye'
Just like I did, the first night you tried"

written February 27, 2013

"She locks the stall door and proceeds to cry
Strangers they were, not even one 'hi'
They passed by each other, no eye contact or smile
Now she sits in the stall that dear, dear child
He feels no remorse, no regret nor sadness
She falls all of this including the madness
That she can't seem to get over, a silly little boy
Who played with her heart, like it was a toy
The toy he did play, the toy he did break
The boy she did love, an honest mistake
And the tears she does shed, hide behind the wall
Of the feelings inside
Inside the bathroom stall"

written September 10, 2014

"All these old folk sippin on their coffee complaining about drug dealing, I wonder how they'd be feeling
If they knew what they were drinking was a drug
And all this talk about blacks vs whites
One man claims 'oh I'm not racist' but holds his views tight
About straight marriage
Claiming homosexuality is okay but if you're gay to stay away because he doesn't want you lifestyle publicly portrayed
They complain about the gays but also don't know that their daughter once went in a room with another girl and had her way
Straight, gay, lesbian - it's all the same
People complain about them all as if stating your opinion is going to stick out from another's
And how about this talk on teen mothers?
Complaining how abortion should be illegal yet she doesn't even know the other?
Are you expecting a child who has dreams and hope
To give up and raise a child because their daddy was addicted to dope?
Nope.
Your attitude on abortion is absurd
Have you heard - that it's not qualified as ******?
Or are you going to be close minded and let the girl suffer from her one mistake?
It's time to awake
And think about what decisions we really need to make
Like stricter security in schools, so they can't keep getting shot up by fools
And dealing with the homeless
I'm sure they would be blessed
It's time for people to understand priorities
And realize 'two men's love does not affect me'
All these old folk need to mind their own **** business
And let the new generation take over"

written  August 10, 2014

"I wonder why the girl next door always looks so sick
Day to day she wears her messy hair in a bun, and smeared red lipstick
Her eyes are followed by shadows and like a sun setting, their color red
Little did I know, she did this for her desire to be dead.
Her walks, usually clumsy - mostly at dawn
Her speech usually slurred, her thoughts mostly gone
She made nonsense when she spoke, of her ex, her mom, and friends
Little did I know, she did all this for the end.
Her eyes barely open, glossy and pink
She sat and stared at walls, unable to think
Her mind was a blank state - which was her main desire
Which is why she continued to contribute - an active buyer
Until one day, I didn't see the girl next door
3 days later, she was found dead on her bedroom floor
***** bottles empty, and a hand full of pills
I finally understood, why she always looked ill"

written July 14, 2014

"The early bird and the night owl living under the same roof was strange
And being two different kinds of birds they both flew their own way
One was a night time dweller, up making mischief late at night
The other was an early waker, up at 7 for her morning flight
And despite their differences they somehow agreed
To live under the same canopy, under the same small oak tree"

written June 16, 2014

"Guilt thrives beneath my skin
As I think within
Of my unbearable sin
I can't believe I attended this journey I'm in
How long has it been?
Since I've been drinking gin?
And of course, many other liquors
Beer seems to be my chosen fate
But how funny is it that I relate
To my alcoholic family trait
Thought it was all so great
But now I'm stumbling and can't even walk straight
And of course, think straight too
I chug this brew
As I am winning this game for us two
But us two are just a few individuals who
Can chug 4 beers and not be through
And of course, this is high school
But why are we feeling so cool as we fill our bodies with liquors and fuel
That is nothing but hurting our bodies,
It's cruel
Or maybe it's not about being cool.
But about not being over ruled or ridiculed for the way that we are
Of course,
These are just one girls thoughts
As she sits at the bar, distraught
And this is the of course source
of all teenage discourse"

written May 18, 2014

"Maybe if you used protection then you wouldn't have me
I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm the reason you're unhappy
Every time you say 'you need a job' or 'I can't wait till you're out of high school'
All of that translates into my head 'I can't wait to live a life without you'
Maybe if you used protection this wouldn't be a problem
All these ******* complaints you have, all of them solvable
Because half the time you're *******, it's over the flaws I have made
Yet you never ******* appreciate the goodness I have portrayed
I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm inferior in your life
Maybe if you used protection, I wouldn't be up writing this late at night
I'm so over the ******* and yelling and complaints
Maybe if you used protection, I wouldn't be your lives constraint
And I'm sick and tired of feeling unloved and unwanted
Because every time you say 'goodnight' I end up feeling daunted
In fear, I move very slow in hope that I won't wake you
Because everyone knows if that were to happen, all hell would break loose
And I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm the reason you're unhappy
Maybe if you used protection then you wouldn't have me"

written March 23, 2014

"I have sinned more then you'll ever know
You be the car baby, I'll be the road
You can drive all over me, like you've done before
Say 'let's be friends' then go **** some *****
And I don't understand why I want you still
I'd climb any mountain, I'd climb every hill
Just for you, to look at me like you used to do
That look you gave me, honest and true
It engraved 'I love you' into my heart
And I thought that was the start
Of us having a long lasting love
A spark lit that wouldn't fade till dawn
And when dawn approached, you would leave peacefully and we would still be civil
I guess you couldn't wait for that, I was too young and naïve for your needs
I'm sorry I'm boring
I'm sorry I'm young
I'm sorry I didn't do the right justice with my tongue
Every time you talk to me
Every ******* time you're near me
I just want to be next to you again, in your arms I would be
I just want what we had
Back"

written March 17, 2014

"Inside the wandering eyes of that black glossy stare is
A happy girl, destined to break out of the
Metal cage that surrounds her. It's locked shut, barbed wired and keyed
Now only one guy, can open and succeed, you see
Opening up this dark black box, can lead to the best thing you ever have
Thought. a beautiful, jubilant, loving young girl, who'd make your toes curl
Over the thoughts of her signing your name on the tip of your tongue a orchestral
Variation that you won't ever want to stop....but, it did.
Every day since the day you left, the smile she once had, hid behind
Rails of metals bars, and barbed wire that rusted into itself over time. because
You're not there anymore, you're no longer 'mr. he's mine'
Occupying her mind, she's not fine and
Understand me when I say, she's not over you"

written February 28, 2014

"It's 11:03 and I just got back from seeing you
No, I did not think I would still be into you
But you cut your hair and straightened up your act
Despite what everyone says, I really want you back
Now I'm home, intoxicated and a little uneasy
Because I still have feelings for you,
the ones that aren't just ******
You see, the way you talked, your demeanor and all
I want you back, I want you all
This is a ****** poem, because I'm drunk and tired maybe,
but my sober thoughts are emerging and I want you back baby
I wish upon a 11:11 for you to hear my cries
To realize what I'm saying. and feel it deep inside
I want to fill you with love, from your toes to your head
I want to show you how I love you, while I sleep with you in bed
I want to drown you in my love for you, like a rock thrown in the river
Still when I talk to you, I get the shivers
Because you do something to me,
Something I can't explain
I wish I could show you but that would be insane
Because I love you to the moon and back
and I just really
REALLY
Want
You
Back"

written February 2, 2014

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
My eyes are filled, these tears I weep
His love I wish wouldn't fade
And would wish me 'good morning' the next day

Now I lay me down to sleep,
My eyes still cry, for you I weep
Your false assumptions and miscommunication I lack
Where did you go? I want the old you back
This came out of nowhere - what the hell did I do?
Just two weeks ago you claimed 'I love you'

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
It's because you made my kind heart ache
With your unexpected desire
to be with someone other than me
I hope you remember,
when you visit me

Now I lay me down to sleep,
In my coffin down underneath
Now I'm saved, from the misery and pain
And I hope you know you're the one to blame"

written December 2nd, 2013


"I decided to write you a confession
To confess all of my sin
And although I don't believe in sin
I decided to fill you in
You see, I'm not the perfect, innocent girl you may have perceived
No I'm not exactly how you see me
And I'm guilty

You see, I just wanted to tell you that you're little girl got drunk two times this break
And two of the times were with boys  much older sitting by the lake
I'm not trying to sound corny - this is all true
Yet, to her this is completely new
You see, your little girl never expected to lie
She said "bye" and then went to a boys house who's much older and...
I wonder what she's thinking deep down inside?
Is she just trying to mend her lonely desires or does she really like this guy?
And it's tearing me apart that you think I'm something else
I'm not trying to lie,
But sometimes when you're baby girl says "bye" she's going out to her friend's house to get high
And it's not exactly peer pressure
You see, she enjoys these feelings too
It really helps distract her mind, to get a clearer view

So she decided to write you a confession
To confess all her sin
And I'm sorry if all of this gets under your skin
Please don't cry any tears, and get stuck in the water
Love you 'sweet and innocent' daughter"