I am not who you want
I am not who you seek,
Do not let me wait,
For a love that is bleak,
I know my eyes don’t sparkle,
Like the stars in the night,
Nor the spring of emotions,
That keeps your life a light.

You don’t need to look back,
My heart can still breathe,
Do not even dare peek,
If it will eventually bleed,
Fly to the sun, the moon, the stars,
Dare not wish for my weary arms,
Leave me as I am, broken in grief,
I promise, this pace, will be brief.

They said it was normal,
Another said it was tragic,
Hearsays and whispers,
Filled with bad endings,
His trembling figure,
Her hopeless stance,
Yet everyone has a say,
In this private dance.

From a distance, all I ever did was look–and look. Waiting for a glance, a small smile. And when you look back, I hide–hide so you wouldn’t see, keeping myself hidden, ignoring the pain in my chest, the heady feeling of vagueness.

A glimpse is enough to keep me breathing, move closer and I’ll run away. Away so you will never know—even after this lifetime and another, you will never know. That I have loved you, no…. will always love you—and I know you never will.

My love for you
can never be found,
in any book,
in any song,
nor in any poem,
It’ll be lost,
in the history of man,
in the lullabies at night,
in the words of poets,
And just like that,
I will wish none
But to see you smile.

And like that, everything made sense. The words she had been waiting, to **** this dream and wake up into reality; The soothing pain of rejection.

I never wanted a love that is consuming,
I only wanted a love that is everlasting,
none that will put my heart to a test,
one that will prove true love is no jest.

Her smell lingers in me,
Her smile in my head,
As her eyes stared,
At my reflection on her coffee,
Her eyes with mirth,
And her sigh in gladness,
Crawling into my skin,
As I stare in the darkness.

She was in love, she thought he was not,
He was in love, he thought she was not,
None spoke as the distance begun,
For both are scared as the world spun.

His moans of joy whispering in my ears
As his cries of pleasure increased with ease
His desperate pants ringing through the walls
As I sit on the floor and listened in silence

Lover over lover, countless kisses on cheeks,
One night stands, filled with ecstasy and bliss,
Yielding “I love yous”, like peppermint sprays,
Amorous love making, fulfilling lustful days,
Linking souls, like butterflies and wildfires,
Tainting and consuming, truly galling desires,
Yearning for warmth, in this love that expires.

In between these ropes I stand
The other, wound around my arm,
The other, strangling my heart
The Gods told me that I can keep one.
I stand and looked at each side,
The other smiling at another,
The other, at my arm,
They gave me the scissor,
And I cut one.

I found her but I lost her
between the bridge of bliss and madness I stand,

Like finding your lost slipper,
Yer remembering the other pair no more around,

Her gaze passing through me,
Lifting my soul until I no longer know where I'll land,

My heart, my eyes---speaking, screaming
And my hands on my sides, invisibly bound,

"I found her! I found her!" I screamed.
Her name like butter and honey on my lips,

Like a child to a mother,
Waiting for an unadulterated warmth and a kiss,

Hope, Oh! How hope poisoned my heart?
My soul was famished and she poured them back,

An ocean of dreams and sighs,
She was an enigma, my light, my charm of luck,

Her gait uncomplex, her steps with just,
Uncalculated utmost yet refined and robust,

Was it too selfish to wish for a glance?
To hear my name one last time?

"I found her! I found her!" looking around I plead,
For I have lost her and I found it hard to breathe.

He was sitting at the corner–I , on the other.

                                               I pretended to draw him

                               because that’s what most people knew that I do.

               An excuse, I know—one that I’ll never speak of…

               So that my heart can say  it loves to draw…

                               …..and not the man on the paper .

Blasphemy! Traitor! Liar! They screamed,

As my eyes bulged and my teeth grit,

My blood rose, boiled and gleamed,

You know nothing about my reality, not one bit!

My silence is cowardice, same as my noise,

My strength is my wit, but you said it was vice,

You spoke of peace, truth, love and respect,

But acted in lies and deceit, hatred when I object.

Ingrate! Fool! Disgraceful you are, child!

Cursed my existence, and my soul defiled,

I took your hand, and a dagger I placed,

End it now! End it now! End it now…and make haste!

She is
A woman who doesn't believe in I-love-yous
In chocolates, necklaces and rose hues
She is
A woman who will only believe in you.

Let my heart dance as I drown myself
in this moment of pure bliss, my love
No, I must not call you my love,
A fragile word I refuse to hold on to
As I gaze on your orbs, longing
Yes, longing from a distance.

I do not want to escape this madness, yet
Drown me, strangle me, haunt me,
So I will never seek for your love,
I will never wish for your heart
A nightmare, I will always want to wake up.