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Hannuh Jacey Oct 2012
To Lose It All

The tears the flood the sea are now dry.
A drought consumes your throat and gasping for air you inhale a dust that forces you to succumb to your fate.
You're living, you're breathing, and moving, and you're empty.
A shell of your former self. The ghost of a perfect stranger.
There's no complexity in disillusionment; And an empty locked room remains that way until a purpose is brought to its doorstep.
But without the drive, the purpose barely thrives.
Nov. 17th, 2008 1:10 a.m.
Hannuh Jacey Oct 2012
The cat is positioned in the northern corner of the world. The room. The room from which I never wander from. My world, through which I experience life.

The sun, which rises in the east of the confinement, it is as my anger, my heat, my wish for ease. In contrary terms, the west, where it sets is my mind's rest.

The cat does not change positions; even when the clouds gather and dim my room does he stand still. My only company, a standing statue of a true carved wooden soul.

The clouds are dark and the walls are dripping, sopping like grey wet paint streaming down, and puddling on the ground through which I walk over. My tears and grey damp surroundings fill the room until I nearly suffocate under my own emotions for lack of oxygen.

I can sing my soul out into the grey and wait, the wind is my key, the thunder my tone. Such a monsoon through which I crave my well being. The salted tears falling from my chin only further fill the room, and in my boisterous battle against my world, as soon as I slip under and silenced I am does the rain cease, and drain into my soul it does.

Once I finally take a breath, the crickets begin their melody, in tune to my heartbeat, and emotionally wasted does it want to give up on me. But never does it lose its faith in my ability to rest and be content. Trying harder with all its might to withstand the room and its tribulations.

The moon greets my sleepy eyes, and as it is generous enough to let me lay my eyes upon it, unlike the sun, I am thankful enough to lay my head in its rays. It represents my chance to start tomorrow fresh, wherein I'll wait again to see my moon and hear my heart by my side, and beat the monsoon which is as my mind's rush.
Dec. 17th, 2008 - 1:09 a.m.
Hannuh Jacey Oct 2012
Don't expect more than the last downfall which first and foremost
made your heart skip a beat at what you thought would be most worth it.
Pick yourself up to sky high heights and wait for falls which must come quickly after what you built this all up to be.
And if you're already falling, then forget you were ever up so high, because an ending to a story is what completes and diminishes all that previously occurred and broke hearts.
The clouds with which you fall through are the haze with which you saw through, and blow hard baby doll, they'll float away behind your plane crash tracks, and you wont hurt so deeply.
The sun is far away and reaching it isn't the greatness you're waiting for, wherein the point you realize is that your fall back to earth is much nicer than reaching your idea of heaven.
Because if you've really touched it, nothing compares...
believe it or not you'll live.
Even after a fall from such a great high.
Subconsciously you'll find yourself up there again and don't take it too seriously, because you'll find yourself plummeting once again.
Just watch your step.
Glass of peace of mind breaks easy love.
Sept 11th, 2008 11:54 p.m.
Hannuh Jacey Oct 2012
I've done a lot.....
I've done a lot in my lifetime.....
I've done a lot in the past 11 months...
I've felt even more...
I've made decisions....
I've made mistakes....
I've created conclusions and shoved them in the mirror's reflection.
I've made a finalization...
I've terminated the story...
I've concluded this connection.

Now I'm alone...
Now I feel like excess emotions left in a puddle to be stepped in and splashed in, for fun or dismay.
-a muddy disgrace of distaste.
-a muddy reflection of disgust.
-a distraction on the path to your destination.

I feel sick...
Sick to my stomach
Sick in the Mind...
Sickly branches that creep out from my heart, determined to entomb my entire internal system, and hold me there to deal with what level I've continued to stoop myself too.
Myself... the one that's so much better than what she's encountered and how she's figured her future.
I deserve what I have, and what I choose.
I deserve what I get, for what I've chosen.

I'm throwing up...
I'm throwing up everything...
everything that my heart has eaten right out of the palms of those who've given it to me.
I don't wanna feel it anymore....
I don't want that pressure forced on my stomach any longer.
I'm sick...
I'm sick again.
Its all coming up....
I'm letting it out... all the emotions that so rightfully belong on the floor in a jumbled mess rather then crammed in my stomach where they explode with temptation as my stomach thrusts itself in circles....
its looking for a way to let everything go.
My body knows whats right....
I'm emotionally anorexic.
I throw it all away without wanting to let it go, I would rather keep everything that reminds me of that time, that time when my stomach did not churn in agony...

I am miserable....
I am mistaken.... and misjudged...


I am sick...
and distracted...
I'm... lost?

Lost in the mirrors and fine lines... fine lines between punishment and disabilities...
I can see myself....
I see myself pale and done.
Done with everything I'm hearing and thinking right now.
I've gone too far.
I'm done.
Sept. 3rd, 2007 - 1:13 a.m.

— The End —