I feel like a puppet.
I wish God would make up His mind.
One minute death,
the next life.
I feel like I’m in a stormy sea.
Being tossed to and fro amongst the waves,
battered and beaten down.
release me from this.
I wrote this when we didn't know if my mom was going to live or die because of cancer. Her cancer was unresponsive to chemo, but then, all of a suddenly, there was supposedly no cancer in her body.
The Artist painted
the skies and molded
the stars and galaxies
to His liking.
He sculpted the
mountains out of
clay and dirt.
He wrote music
and taught the birds
to sing His chords.
He carved a place
for the ocean and
poured His love
in its depths.
He made man.
He knit veins to bones.
Skin to ligaments and muscle.
Built a cage to protect our heart
as He knew that it
is so easily broken.
He connected nerves to the brain
and in that brain,
He made so complex of a
system that science is still
baffled by the ***** that
holds the information
of our personality.
He did something crazy.
He gave man free will.
To love or to hate.
To turn to or against.
And man turned against.
Hid from his Creator.
The One who knows his
And beauty was distorted.
All that is beautiful
is only an
An echo of the home
that we once knew.
An echo of the original
Artist, the one who
taught us to create.
*All I can do now
is to try and capture
to show to others.
When we see dark clouds,
we think the storm is beautiful.
We sit in our homes
and listen to the rain
soaking into the ground.
We go outside
Sometimes there is destruction.
Sometimes there is chaos.
But there is still rain
And with rain,
the flowers and trees
are able to grow.
They become stronger.
Are not humans the same?
We see rainstorms and we see beauty.
Why is it that when we see
the storms of life,
we see only
*Even though the storm is painful,
we grow like nature.
I am safe.
I am protected.
You built a hedge around me
that no one can break through.
Not without Your permission.
You are keeping me safe.
You are protecting me.
The future is bright with hope.
The darkness is in my past,
and even when painful times come,
You will still be here.
You will still keep me safe.
You will still protect me.
I'm glad you came here.
Thank you for remembering this.
Thank you for remembering to look at this.
I know it hurts.
You're scared out of your mind that this is going to be your entire life.
Full of pain.
Full of fear.
Full of depression and anxiety.
Full of storms and trials that leave you breathless on the ground, shaking from the panic that courses through your blood.
You think that if you just die now, you'll be in heaven.
Where it is so much better.
Where there is no pain.
But, you have your life to live right now.
And it won't be an awful life.
How do I know?
Because beauty is in everything and it is just waiting to fully bloom.
You want to know the beauty that was in today?
Today, I had an amazing, life-giving conversation.
My fears and thoughts were validated.
I was told I wasn't alone.
I geeked out with him over film.
And I was given the biggest compliment.
I was told that my mind intrigued him.
We shared about our own experiences with depression.
We talked about God and how sometimes there just aren't answers.
It was amazing and it was just what I needed.
You won't have that if you make your thoughts a reality.
I want you to remember everything and everyone you love.
In this life.
I want you to remember why you need to stay alive.
Remember your family.
Remember your dad who is going through so much pain.
Remember your mom who is fighting to stay with you.
Remember your brother who loves you, even though it does not feel like it.
Remember your cousin who will do anything for you.
Remember that they will do everything in their power to help you.
Remember your friends.
Remember your best friend who won't know what to do without you.
Remember your teachers who pray and talk with you.
Remember how they are fighting with you and for you.
Remember your favorite things.
Remember driving in your car at night with your music blasting.
Remember reading a good book with the warmth of the fireplace.
Remember the rush of taking a risk, whether physical or emotional.
Remember tea and peaches and blankets and books.
Remember conversations and movies and passion and love.
Remember oceans and mountains and flowers and stars.
Remember all the little things.
Remember how life can be so surprising.
So get your headphones,
blast your music,
drown out those voices,
and when you're ready,
go to sleep.
I promise that it won't be so bleak in the morning.
Imagine pitch black.
Can't even see your hand in front of your face.
The ground feels unsteady.
Like it's about to collapse from underneath you.
Imagine a dark wilderness.
Stretching for miles with no way out.
The shifting sands changing the landscape.
Like the entire world is shaking.
You're trying to climb your way out of the pitch black.
You're trying to find the path out of the wilderness.
You're trying to get a breath of air in the suffocating night.
Don't forget to look up at the sky.
Though there is no sun,
the moon and stars still shine.
Don't forget to look at the ground.
Though there is dirt and rubble,
the diamonds and gems are waiting to be gathered.
Don't forget to feel the coolness of the water.
Though it is soaking your bones,
it is washing away the grime on your skin.
Slow your breath.
Listen to the night.
The breeze weaving through the leaves.
The water tapping the ground.
The horizon calling your name to things unseen.
To things undone.
Nature is crying out to us.
The staggerers through the night.
The searchers of love.
The chasers of light.
When it feels like the darkest night has come,
and you're on your face in the sand,
don't forget to roll over.
And look at the stars.
Made this poem for a video for a film festival. Even though the pain might not end, there is still hope. Don't give up. Always keep fighting.
I* am sorry for the things I have said
I am sorry for telling you lies
I am sorry for not getting out of bed
Despite all the times you have tried
To help, to advice, to guide
And comforted me when I have cried
Therefore I am telling you sorry
Because I know you love me so
Again I will tell you not to worry
Of cause I will never let you go
I will love you from birth to grave
I hope we never lose touch
I will try to always be brave
You have always given so much