Oh how you stare in your infancy
at corners in the room
and how my heart complies with every ahh and ooo
And never did i know if i could love you
but from the moment you were born
I certainly do
and how sorrowful you were on that very first day
and how pain filled the sound of everything you say
When life was brand new, you on earth side
When you came forth and i could no longer hide
all of your beauty the hiccups that you had
when you where with in me but sometimes i feel sad
that now you are hear, live your own life
like when we were one i could hide you from all strife.
And now you will age just like I and your dad
and now you will anger some days you will feel bad
And i wish that i could save you
from all of this world
but our love was your creator
and here you are hurled

and the least we can do is be here for  you
and try our very best to create more for you
a life thats worth living more than we had
Always we are giving, keep you from being sad.

Care to hear my reality
as time slips between us
and i have no mind
but the mind that beholds us

So dare to think of me as something more
Than just a washed up woman a bedroom *****
than just a person with flesh and veins
than just a being with glory and pains

If you could think of me as the stars
then i could think you are more
Than callus build up and half healed scars
I could think you are more.

Well, I find myself gone silent
In moments when I don't
Want to not say a word
But if i can't I won't

And its horribly depressing
to be self paralyzed
Like I've no voice to speak with
No words my tongue can rise.

So now i sit in wanting
Of expression in this day
But i can't find a single word
To think nor that I'd say.

Passion rolls away

Me I'm feeling pain

I thought that we would grow

I thought that we would gain.

Swallow hard just convey your cowardice

I'm quick to let him enter.....

Down here where the concretes cool

My arms around you

then your gone........

It snowed sand the other night

i was shocked and awed  

but then i looked up and it got it my eye


Scratched my retina

snow blind

Your brightness wasn't beauty after

your brightness was beauty in the end

i should have seen your glory was a *******

hole in the back of your head

your brightness wasn't  beauty

it was arrogance.

Give me more she said my lord
Oh give me more I'm such a *****.
Give me more She said my lord
Oh give me more hes such a bore.

Flowers don't grow with an ice witch narcissism.
Tell me did it hurt when you got your circumcision?

Assassin heart sharp shooting harlot
Tear every part your letters scarlet.

Don't trust me, I can't see
The lie was blind and I live by instinct

with every fruit i take a leaf
then its gone and then I leave.

Blows to know the dangers of the cold
but it goes to show your true colors when your old.......

Sanguine

        new born

                         like the first.


My root is ****** from all the time i spent remembering
all the struggles i spent struggling.


When God winked i thought he wanted me
But then he gestured towards my mother.

How fruedian of me to discover

I was the child and never the lover.

Savage little honey drop
crystallized like sugar
sweetness from my ovaries
has turned everything bitter.

Quaking ***** which begged to burst
a fruit that's so obscene

wailing with its own discomfort
discredited its being.

How i wanted you to be inside of all of me

How i wanted you to be in me so selfishly.

I would have held your love and blood

Boiled it to the brink

of self implosion or selfless explosion

or something so pristine.

Weary becomes my heart
in the lessening of sweetness
just to look into your eyes
I hide my own neediness

In such a disguise
you break all of the rules
you believe my pride and fallacy
you believe in fools.

those who say they need not love
those who say they're strong
those who hold it all together
but break before to long.

Poppy sways on the edge of the garden
like some exquisite ***** dancing for her own pleasure
rather than crumbs.
She's full fed of her toxins, intoxicated
She drears  left then right, bows a bit....
The curves are stem so peculiar.
How she slipped perfect hooks and turns
into that no wood, indiscriminate thing
bending, looking so supple.
but it would snap in fragility.

Oh poppy, I sigh, chin resting on my palm....
thinking of the warm feeling of harvest.

Let me taste the sweetness of your breath,
please don't hesitate,
there are no reasons left,
For you to hide from me,
so open up your chest
I mean no judgment of your dear,
to me you are at best.....
When your waking early mornings
when your laughing over loud
when your taking more than your portion
when your shoving in the croud
when your angers got the best of you,
how you raise your voice
how quickly grace can fall from you
as you lose all your poise.
Let me taste your breath  
feel no insecurity
please feel no unrest
Always in each passing moment
i see you at your best

Like one then two
  more specks of moisture
collect in mine eyes

Gazing towards you
  your cauldron of beauty
you keep so well.

How the hollows of your eyes
bend spectrum and spectrum of light.

You glance at me,
its as if my heart was first an abyss.
In one moment
it is transformed in to
life above life, love beyond love.

Your movement cause breezes
sweetened air  moves about.

It stoke the flames of my desire
keep me wanting for breathing.

You must be an angel
come from geometry
symmetry

Moving  around in your perfect expression
I'd mistake you for god.

Hello beautiful,
I missed you while we slept
while you drifted off peacefully
i was in a world of clammer
thinking of all the possibilities
and totally enamored

i fell into a pit of self pity and decay
thinking of all the bad in all the different ways
And while your breathing staid so steady
mine became inflamed
and I squeezed you while i held it
choking down the pain

Things flashed upon my mind in rapid repetition
thought after thought
combustion after collision.

As I held you
while you slept
I thought of every possibility
and quietly wept.

Saving some tender green in the helplessness of life
to hold me down on the ground when gravity leaves at night
I'm not afraid although i'm shaking
Notice these things which define
The earth is solid in its quaking
as long as your not on a fault line

And I'm getting off on the thought of it
Your loving pumping arteries
I'm just glad to watch you move
how you take in breath and then you lose
what could have been different in some small exhange
a moment in the past now rearranged
all the things i would have done
if i could have done something different.

You wanted me to say
another  thing
perhaps about the sky
maybe of the rain

You wanted me to breathe
condensation on your face
you wanted me to exhale
vibration in this place

Your eyes were moving side ways
your lips were trembling
and I was reciting 5 ways
to get a crystal glass to sing

A bit less pressure,
just keep it going smooth
slow down around the curve
steady when you move

Friction is a friend
of those who like the sound
of softly grinding skin
reverberating into the ground

Sandy eyes, I'm waiting for the tears you cry
waiting for some time, just to lie
at your beckon call and side

Blood shot eyes are standing in time
and 'm holding to mine
and holding to yours

Speak to me in shades of green
speak to me in symmetry
I would like to unfold in seven hundred perfect rolls
and you can all and unwind into every space of mine.

Shredding strings from molecular rings
and I'm peeling rinds from my  roots and my lines
well you should have known that this is where we belong
please dont make a wish for it all to fall away
please dont make a wish unless for it to stay

In time  will be my grave
the time is what we brave
and im hoping for a hundred more
lives above me but what for
and what is it im looking for
What it is im living for
what is meaning cant implore
or understand

i guess you and i both have hands
and we should hold them.

Would you look at the time
my skin that is drying
and the whole time im hiding
the truth

would you look what i said
how i thought i was well read
how my intentions thrive in death
oh im begging.

Can you tell me who I am
and if you couldnt then i cant
and im sick of this romance
of dying dues.

I asked you how to spell it
and  you want to repel it
all the way from me you wanted
gone

I tried my giving hope,
I tried our tethering rope
you wanted it or nope
i never knew.

I guess all the while
as if i were a child
i held on to you,

at least hoping for some truth

All your strings run all so smoothly
and im washing in and out
Your gathering everything i told you
and its growing very loud

anchor me here Fish man
your bold blues are flattering me
I know its only half passed five
but i feel we both have some where to be

and its home with the rest of you
the chest of yours
the leftovers
my hair in your face
and the stars in their place.

My lord such a staking pain
you left me hear, but call my name
I'm glad to tell you you've won
but the feelings just now fun
cause its rushing now away
to a further worser place
and im just another case
of petty self pitty in a pool of drool

Instantly I grow nearer to the subject

like its my pain

Candy soaked and rhythmic
see the words they make no sense
But the feeling that i'm feeling
I swear must exist


time is fully passing and the feeling is profound
like my atoms smashing every time i move my mouth
and speakings coming out, like it wants to feel so proud

but its only atoms smashing when i move my mouth

Wiring holding down and moving body parts
The will of all our coding is creating in the arts
its safe to say its some what the same but different in some other way.
Its safe to say it could be understood in a thousand ways so it probably should.
But floating on thought we think we think we hold our ground
and talking alot we think we think we think we are
wiring holding down and moving body parts.
Body parts equipped with magnetic hearts
Creating some fascist art
and hating some fascist art.


This is a song I wrote.
https://youtu.be/NxtF5ZIsPKw

Hey, here, have this hot tea

Sip it lightly and smell the steam

Let out all your insecurities

So you can forget  your worrying.

Brains disappear on a grateful  day

Hey its never good to feel that way

Your busy regretting a yesterday

Well I'm sure tomorrow has more to say

Marked for blasphemy I suppose
He came to me in a Rain drop Robe
and a Crown of Clouds above his mind

A figure of reflection no other could find.


His cascading streams fell into a body,
which i felt i knew so well,
But when i spoke of his philosophy
My elders warned me of the burning hell

But I could not hate my Soul,

This friend, some astral light,

and when he told me not to fear their god

I knew that he was right


Marked for blasphemy I suppose

God came to me in a rain drop robe

and said You Girl, I know your name,

I speak it in the thunder and i speak it in the rain

Disheveled he Gathered himself, seeping out of the pores of existence itself. Like static energy dripping from every thing you could see. The bed room wall subtly became a spinning circle and the dressers and art got swept up in it too.
Just spinning color and light at first, a flash of tentacles and a gleam of mucus.
Genitals and tongues bloomed from flowers in the center of his head as he changed shape vigorously and swiftly. Sometimes almost to fast to remember the image from before.
Until finally, the spiral stopped moving and there stood a hologram of all those people they told us of, expect he was one person.
He had half the face of jesus christ, and half the face of horus, he had goat hooves, and he clipped them together as he danced, rocking back and forth in his sphere. He Played the Guitar and a harmonica, and he yodeled the most beautiful song, about the one which he created, who went into panic and ran from him, oh he knew the story, as he watched it play over and over again only wanting to save her, but she was so feral and fearful running through the woods, trying to chase her would only scare her more.
So he sang by the edge of the forest, a song of his lost love, and as she ran through the trees the earth turned and did the season, and her body aged, and withered, and she was born again wailing in fear from the start....

But he sang, and he sang and he sang, hoping to stir her, to distract her from the forgetful panic she was trapped in,

until one day he started seeping through the walls
and she stopped in awe with all fear dissolved, suddenly enctranced by the strangeness of god.

Recognition  sparks in your glance,
That hesitance a wall between us.
Gleam of life in the eyes,
but insecurities demean us.

I'd like to reach out, my finger tips, your face
in a starring contest no one wants to win
and no one one wants to lose.

Just eye ball to eye ball reflecting me into you.

Don't shy away now, don't cast your glance downward
as you trace your index along your elbow nervously
I can't even hear your thoughts
yet you fear my judgment.

I want to take you for those things you think

Sucker for the counterpart, the splitting in to two.
Aching want for embrace, as characteristics are removed.
What beyond these Golden rays and reflections of fresh green,
Could be alive with in my mind, some deep unspoken sheen.
Be it treasure, emptiness, unknown to what i live.
How ever could i take of something which has not been give.
Sucker for the reflection of my own impossibility
Lover of the things i want and all desires with in me.

I fear no higher power, no authority.
that which is above, must have created me

And if i were created if i were exist, then what is purpose for denial.
Acceptance of all this life, understanding comes from trial.

Say no more of your expectations upon me
for i have lived centuries under your laws
and in card board boxes and in fear.

Expectation of human thought has whittled me into less than.
How my mind was never nurtured to come to fresh conclusions
but only indoctrination and acceptance of age old beliefs.

Repression of rebellion has impacted my abilities
But will I continue this now that i have awoken to creation?

What tyranny lays with in the mind of all these marionettes
So above are those with using desire.
They force upon all that which they feel
which was forced upon them

How a child is forced into assimilation of knowledge
but then told it is of the only source.

And that first sculpting of the mind becomes like a concrete cage
and they reject themselves and all their creations
in acceptance of what they have been told they are.

Cry cry dear soul it is such travesty that you have been caged to some others dynasty.

and if you ever see the possibility, I beg you do not **** it.
take it by its talons and watch as you soar above and beyond the confines of what you thought you were, how we have been tricked into simplicity under the guise of complexity.

There is a full winged beast in every man waiting for ascension.

How that phoenix will rise from its own corruption and live still.

Jackknife and so intolerable so  flexible
Sway again and i crumble.
How momentary relief shuffles in

I'm late and terribly sorry
sweat dripping down its face
but i must be going now...

How appropriate of all of you

Your observation of my insignificance.

You'd like to own the horizon
For its dripping cracks
and its flowing clouds
but your own worth never met half way
with all those people you suspended in your wake.
How crude the time that's passing4
how painful the lessening air
You'd like to own the horizon
in pretending that you care

You never thought you'd be that eater of dreams
But you're edging closer now
to drawing out the sad emotive
of the child you once were
forgetting all those longing dreams
and wishes that you kept
and batting down the doves
flying upward from the minds
of the beautiful youth.

Its slipping all away from you,
one twenty years and things have past
how did it all move so fluidly
and things you never thought you'd leave
are now long forgotten in photo albums
and vhs tapes.

How time fades into the eons of some one elses heritage.
Did you lose or did you gain?
How could we ever know....

Save it for your self,
you will need all you can get
cause its true and its said
that we hang by our necks

Slow asphyxiation of the greater parts of us
Eaten from our insides by all others lust

Picking of the bones of a qualities we've grown
and all those we call friends....
will they be there when the great night ends

You standing brave at the corner of main
Holding your head up high,
Showing your heart, with all you have gained
as all of the people walk on by,

You are the hero, the actor, the true

You are most beautiful being you.

How can I be me,
when every single thing
is like a suppressant
For my entire being.

Caffeine, nicotine  
Sugar and the rest

everything I consume
is a pacification at best

I'd like to be free,
Unaltered in the mind
A purist in action
a thought so refined.

I was hoping You were different.

Like a different kind of soul....

And that we would flourish,

Kind of make eachother whole....

That you were what I needed,

And you'd want me around

That the days could be repeated

Just cause we liked the sound.....

Beauties stained me,
if its taught me anything
its taught me everything .... will fade away in time
and my skin is aging, yes my skin is aging
My beauties stained me, it wont sustain me

**** what they said
I never understood it anyway
I was higher standing if anything
Or less than that I was fading away.

Carnage in plucking the youth of the sage tree
and stacking her leaves on the ground
to carry in for the fall, and the tea
the incense she brings.

Carnage thats placed here
is a gentle handshake with the devil
a deal to be made to stay on the level,

A balance of sorts for this world that we live
has chaos ensue if one does not give
and sacrifice is made, in ways or another
and sufferage happens, upon the mother.

So carnage in plucking the youth from the sage tree

Saunter fluid like dripping wax
cherry sweet and casual
Moving towards growing old
steady axe anvil.
Worked this life its worked me
Every remembered morning
I walked it through and gritting teeth
Funerals, fun, sun, or Storming.

Tell me all your wrong doings, I'll show you all their rights.
Prove to me  your lingering, throughout my blackened nights.
I'll pledge allegiance to your soul, even when you're falling.
I want to always rest with you, oh your eyes, my eyes calling. '

Tell me all your secret thoughts, your *** your gore your pain
show me all your darker marks, your wounds, your mind,  your stain.

I will wash it all away from you with acceptance , unconditioned
We will hold each other far away from guilt, fear and superstition.

I'm sorry, but the person you've called has not set up a voice mail, good bye......
I'm sorry, but the person you've called has not set up a voice mail, good bye......
I'm sorry, but the person you've called has not set up a voice mail, good bye......
I'm sorry, but the person you've called has not set up a voice mail, good bye......


Why are you sorry?

I've been worshiping Kurt Cobain as Jesus Christ
I dont know why it just feels right
Somethings been let loose with in my mind
Its tyranny and nations wide
Gods been explaining the ****** and the *****
its all the same no less no more
and Reality seems like a hallucination
Its tyranny in every nation.
In every thought
in every sensation
For ever more
In every mind
In every lust and longing to find.....


Ive been worshiping Kurt Cobain as jesus Christ
I don't know why He just seems right.

Playful like your lips spitting words
that would be painful if you intended them to hurt
but you love me, because i show you your worth
And I need you cause your the only place on earth
I can go to when the noises get to loud
or I'm shaking, in the center of the croud
How you calm me, with just your sound
How you are me, and everything around.

Chirp and chime,
Tequila makes the time
and you make the moment
you keep me in line.