When life is to hard and hurts to much it is love and hope that drives me on. When darkness and despair permeate my world it is love and hope that sustains me. So I thought just so you all know when times get tough when the tragedy is to much please remember I love you all.

With a pen *****
that angry ****
defused her heart
and crumbled it.

I am the bed you fall into
Soft mattress that gives in for you
The covers that wrap you up
Like a tasty burrito
But I won’t eat you
Unless you want me to

Darkness cannot love you back,
cannot unwrite the black pages
of pain that have been printed
on your meditative mind,
cannot undo those dark blue bruises
or see the red swelling recede,
cannot not help you escape
a parent’s unrelenting rage.

It seems only patience can take
those traumas to a safe distance,
giving you the time to do
what many are unable to
by taking those painful truths,
and making something beautiful
to help heal the world.

I am rage reborn
for seeing pain
reformed from
the darkest corners,
that I thought we had
softly sanded for
sanity and safety’s sake.
Instead, we turn them from
smooth circle tables of
accepting love
where all are equal
to jagged edges of destruction,

Today has born
this ****** sequel
from these filthy forms
of violence.
Look at that child,
that refugee
who was turned away.
Look at that broken person
who looks to you for hope.

Look at the drone.
See the money made
by wealthy fools
playing foolish war games.
Their turn is done,
the cards they play
are the joker’s cap
red running stain.

Look at the child
who was once so lovely.
Now he rots under
the rubble of his city.
Now his sister is *****.
His mother is incinerated.
His father is decapitated,
and the progenitor of
his suffering is celebrated
and elevated by the masses.
I rage in pain
and yell to you
shame, shame, shame,
though I know the truth.
You have no use
for such introspective things
cause you’d rather play
the consumer game
then give a **** about
other human beings.

Such vehemence
For immigrants
Border patrol
Vigilance
I never knew
A human being
Could be illegal

Cheesy layers slipping down
huge burger patties,
bread, and fries
drawing in my hungry eyes.

I devour this delicious horseshoe
so fast that the yellow liquid drips
down my chin
mingling in
with just a tinge
of saliva cause
I was
so hungry.

Thus, I consumed
over fifteen hundred calories
in an afternoon
enjoying every bite,
regretting nothing
and retreating to
the sweet boon
of a comatose state
of this sated fool.

Flash forward
Flash flooding
Fast waters rising
People lying
About the coming storm
Say cold is warm
Break the frozen
Shattering like
Already broken
Mirrors,
Let them
break again
I am not
A soft statue
I am marble
Worn and sanded
Smooth sides branded
With age lines
With life’s weariness
I am furious
Ready to snap
But I am already cracked
And the flood waters
Run over me
Around and in me
Slowly eroding
Everything I am

She does not call
No text or letter
Perhaps I say
It is for the better

But when I was
With her
The rain was wetter
The sun seamed brighter

But like all the others
I was never
Going to be
The one
She wanted to see

So there was a string
Like a little leash
And she was amused
By the passionate me

And when I was
Well used
She got up
And went on the move

I would be blue
If I didn’t know
What she knew
There was better things to do

The addiction of her
Has not completely faded
My thirst was not completely slated
But dulled enough
So I can function

I pocket my fictional paradise
It’s nice when fantasy is hand size
Fitting neatly into the interior of my jacket
So that in a moment’s notice
I can whip out my paperback
To fight off the many forms
Of malicious boredom

Well, the trip is done.
I’m down to earth.
Head no longer
kissing clouds.
My feet hurt,
cause they are
kicking up dirt
instead of
dancing in the air.

Dear, your dainty dandelions
are dancing daringly across
the dirt path way
straight up to my driveway
and it is very creepy.

Not one bomb that dropped
Was ever stopped by prayer
Not one bullet shot
Was ever stopped by prayer
Not one starving child
Was fed on the whispering
Of the worshiping missionaries
Only visionaries who took action
Or inspired actions
Ever made a difference
It takes a movement
Not stillness in prayer

Tv made to many promises
Saying we could conquer all problems
That love would solve them
All that Disney sentiment
In reality it meant ****
Truth hurts and love is all the worse
For the losing in poorly using
One vulnerable heart
Failing find false starts
And arrhythmia
All fluff and hopefulness
Doesn’t mean a **** thing

My skin burns with the day’s dusty heated haze
Swirling winds catch the dry dirt and hurl it
Like a desert sandstorm
Light grey and white clouds coming rolling in
Followed by their darker grey and blue hued kin
The sounds of thunder following them
Proceeding the flashing lightening
Resounding with a furious cackling
A dark natured storm’s strange laughter
All building up to the wicked water laden wind
Washing my work wearied skin
And cooling my six to six sick shift
Tortured and tired flesh

It has been years since my heart was open
Might have been an open sore
Or a sore wound bleeding profusely
But it was kind of happy
Dancing in its ignorance

Delusions were feathered pillows
That I rested my head upon
To sleep soundly through the night
Dreaming of hope and love

Now I love to forget hope
Sink deeper into that simmering ***
Boiling at two hundred degrees
Red skin scabbing no heart babbling

About false hope and fake lovers
Maybe one more night will find
That old light

Never was a home so horrible
Bitter bile that broke my body
Violence that scarred my soul
Her desire to control
To ravage me with her anger
Little boy in danger
And all I ever wanted
Was peace

She is mercury
As beautiful
As the planet
And as poisonous
As that silver
Liquid
That we tell
The temperature with

My love was the darkness
Sitting beside me
Promising nothing
While softly chiding
Saying that we will walk
The shadows together
Not forever
Cause we are not that clever
But in the moment
As flickers in eternity

The cycle of my mood shifts
From high to low to slow
Soul scabs over
The things I love
Become mundane
No shame
Because I cannot
Drive my mind and body so hard
And expect to maintain
Such creative highs

She took a razor tipped
Farewell trip
To rip strips
Of now red flesh
From her breast
Desiring the expiring
Of the deeper pains
To be replaced by
Physical ones

So cut for cut
She cleansed her soul
Drip for drop
Draining on the floor
And then
Then there was no more

No more pain
No more cuts
No more her

Our Pleasure is born love in the shared activity
Your wet slit devouring my hard ****
Connected in flesh but feels pleasure separate
The sword is sheathed and unsheathed
With a blade that never dulls but is never sharp
You ****** then I ***

Who can judge the sin of it
When sorrow turns to rage
When grief runs red
Such spirits dead
And flesh will not
Come home again
You will name him enemy
See his sand streaked skin
Miss the heart and human
That lives within
With all that hate and judging
Lose reason and empathy

Who can judge the pain of it
When bombs lay children to rest
You will call them enemy
Or collateral damage
I call them all my family
And resign myself from your inhumanity

I spasm with ecstasy’s agony.
My pleasure will burn me forever,
Cornered and craven kin to chaos,
Because inaction is easier then,
Struggling against temporal winds.

Tempests lead me where they will
Feeling how I feel
Flowing from one thing to the next.

Consciousness leaves me sorely vexed;
Phone messages I texted,
All the stages I exited.

When the rough waves crested,
Invested with life’s energy,
Swept me up in all my glory,
Ragged, bandaged, and barely breathing,
Hardly leaving me speaking.
-
I am a culmination
of my own condemnation,
Ashamed and proud,
Passionately dulled,
A circuit board of flesh;
Fish sprung to human form,                                            
So much more to comprehend,
That it leaves my sanity wounded,
And I wonder how many other fools
Struggle as I do.

There is no saving the human race
We are running towards destruction
And even if we do not do it
Something else will destroy us

Was it because she wasn’t strong enough?
I was lucky she never broke any bones.
I was unlucky she never broke any bones.
The marks were never big enough.
My fear, pain, and anxiety was never obvious enough.
The tension in my body snapping and flinching
when anyone touched me was never clear enough.
I did not know that I was supposed to or had to
speak loud enough for you to hear me.
So, I lived brutalized, and terrorized;
Made fun of at school and beat at home.
The only respite I had was in my walking
to and from.
The only peace I had was sleeping
but I could not extend such freedom
into eternity, because death would not have me.

The shadow boy
Was the first
Real thing I ever wrote
Was not a poem
So I do not know
Why I am writing
History like one
It was a short
Prose piece
About a teenager
Who was alone
Looking into
A world of wonder
Seeking love
Chasing the illusion
Skeptic
But hopeful
Hiding
But coming just far enough
Out of the shadows
To find out
That what he hoped for
Was never real
And that was the worse trick of all

Emerging from the chaos
The whirling mass of space
We are children of the human race
Darkness intertwine
With space and time
To form our conscious minds

Memories are harsh specters,
and white vapor prisons
where family members revisit
the past to avoid the present.

Like friendly spirits
memories cannot touch us
but phase through us
until grief and regret
force us out into a dark fugue.

Wet grass weeps green
beneath the feet that run
in our remembering dreams.

Soft, thin, and wrinkled hands
pass plates around
preparing food
that even today
finds their taste
elicits to many  
confusing emotions and memories.

A small beagle mutt type dog
growls distrustfully
at strangers it sees,
saving all of its salt wet
affections for me.

Old man in a metal reclining lawn chair
still waits somewhere
back there
in a small-town memory,
tickling a smaller version of me
when I try to hug him.

These specter scratch at my skull.
pushing past my mental guard
and get under my skin,
because I still miss them.

Trust me there is so much more to you then the person who broke your heart. You are a river of words in which you can never step on the same thought twice. Please do not be defined by what you no longer have, be unlimited, unchained to a past which causes you so much pain.

If I said I didn’t mean to make you cry
Then that was a big blatant lie
I wanted tears to fall
For you to sink into a sullen state
Then rise inside a phoenix like furnace of rage
Reborn and open to the world
Ready to explore
That is why with words
I implore you to feel
The heights of anguish, rage, and joy
So you can slip the restraints of dull emotions
And ride the rising tide
Of the beauty in this one life
We all get to live

On the level
the devil
is holding fast
to the last
of his
disciples who insist
he is just
the coolest
rebel
to ever exist.

Nostalgia
Is the smile
That brings
Tears to my eyes
A painful pleasure
Of reminiscence

The coat is coal black and twice as heavy
compressing me
but I will not turn into a diamond.
The early winters white waves of crystalline water
are like deserts sands,
A barren wasteland,
leaving me alone with my thoughts.

A hundred lines a day
To make sense of the world
Since I am unable to claim
The wisdom that I want
Stupidity is my shame
I am humbled by what I don’t
Understand
So in those hundred lines I demand
Better of myself and better for
The world I adore

Outcast
Miserable
Despicable
Untouchable
I got years
And tears
Of fears
That this is
What I am
Well practiced in
The art of love
Loving everyone
More than myself
And never seeing
Or believing
That I deserve
A return
On my loving investment

Two boat pass.
Crossing the
sparkling Thames
choppy water
pushes each vessel apart.
Still, both horns sound
as travelers watch
their opposite
float away.
They will never meet
but they will always have
these moments
on the friendships.

Small pools of black water
Broken by windy ripples
See small fish swish and slip
Dipping above and below
Its choppy surface
Barely avoiding the
Blue bodied ninja heron
Named Leonardo

It is a world
of heart rending horrors,
deep and penetrating shadows
that consume all I know.

But today
I speak of
soft strands
of blonde hair,
of eyes enlarged
by spectacles,
and a smile
with a beautiful voice.

It is a city of sorrows
where strangers sleep
on the steps
of stone churches,
and homeless men
keep arguing
over who’s
street corner
this is.

But today is
like Christmas,
cause she
was on my wish list,
wonderful conversationalist,
might never be
my girlfriend,
but I am currently enjoying
this small moment.

Despite
the spite
that fools spew,
today is beautiful
thanks to one individual.

Rescue me
And my lonely heart
A broken mirror for
A matchstick man
Sees me falling apart

Help me out
Ease that throbbing ache
Cause I can’t undo
Everyone’s mistake

They say that the hand that loves you
Can help or hurt you
They say that it is better to love
And loss
Then to not have loved at all

I say that the ones that broke you
Might be able to help fix you
But I do not know if they still exist

Rescue me
From these winter nights
Take me out of this
Useless life
if you can’t love me
For my humanity
Then just take me out
Of this human plague
Of insanity

In meeting and seeing her
my heart brightens up
like my headlights do
piercing the darkness
and shining through
to clear the heart killing clutter,
opening the dusty shutters,
and letting her smile
peer through to my
deeply entrenched defenses.

This is a love poem for the no one who loves me
Yeah I got tons of nobodies lining up to **** me
To tug and ****, to lick and pluck
Until the pain of loneliness comes unstuck
Until the raptures of desire ***
To I am filled and fulfilled
With love and all its ****** glories
And the stories
Oh the tales I would tell
Are mostly lies to myself
Because no one I love
Will ever love me back like that

Sometimes sanity is so insincere, like a sarcastic comment to a crying child or a cold shoulder. Madness is the only logical response to the horrors of humanity.

Break it down,
cause we all
deteriorate;

We all go to pieces
under pressure,
no coal to diamonds here
just freaking fools
following each other
deep down into
the dark pools.

If this doesn’t make sense
you haven’t been paying attention,
cause order collapses
under scrutiny
while logic leads us to social mutiny.

Wouldn’t it be cute to be
a reasonable crop of humanity.

At this point of my life
I am two drops of insanity,
and all the best conversations I have
are with a mirror man.

Let’s be clear man
I don’t want to wait,
but I missed the bus
and its all a bust
cause I am too late
to make anything great
in the face of this climate.

So, I am going through
the motions,
making my last late-night grooves
as I get ready to do
the blue to black move.

I am a biochemical mess
One big bottle of craziness
Not clinical insanity
But the bitter fruits of
My discontented heart
Disillusioned with my dissonance
Being a creature of love
But not believing there is any love for me

Little boy blue
Burning in the stew
Cooking piping hot
In a crock *** full of bits
Chunks of me
Parts of you
Boils us till we are done
And eats us through and through

I am as strange as a purple orchid. Though I love people, there is a deep need to retreat into my own world, to think, and dream without the intrusion of outsiders. Sometimes I feel bad about it, right now I just want to be left alone.

Her words were
as sharp as
the Reaper’s sickle,
severing my soul
into two separate shards
then splitting them
again and again
till all that I was,
was splinters
of my shadow self.

You scream in the darkness,
looking for light
to let people see
that you exist.

Ripples in a pond,
echoes in the heavens,
whispers in the shadows,
we look and you are…

gone.

Too tired to walk
so, I mumble
while I talk
and stumble
over the cracks
in the old sidewalk.
Too fatigued
to even think
about how I miss sleep.
So, if you try and
trip me
I’ll probably fall gratefully
into slumber land.