You say their names and it's like a trigger inside me head.
Pull the trigger.
I hate them.
I think of every terrible moment I had with them.
How they made me cry and made me want to leave,
How they cornered me and forced me to talk when all I could do was shake.
How they yelled and yelled at me, how I was always the odd man out.
But what hurts the most I guess was that you were always there for every terrible moment and you never changed a **** thing.
I hate them.
You say their names and I pull the trigger,
Of every terrible thing you did with them,
How you were just like them.
I think of how they dumped you like a pile of dirt but you still kept running back to them.
I'm afraid of myself because I've never had much hatred for anyone before,
But if you ask me how I feel about them i'll tell you
I just hate them.

I miss you
I long for you
I would **** to have you by my side

Words like these give you the pleasure of hearing them, don’t they? But little do you know, these words come out from sorrow, despair. Delusion, perhaps.
It could be months before I get you back, it could be years… it could be… never. I may never fall back into your arms again. I might as well stay as I am; broken beyond repair.

I knew I’d lose you I just didn’t have the slightest clue it would be so soon, so… What’s the word? Effortless?
I guess so.
I began losing you that day, little at a time, piece after piece. Fights followed by cold behavior. I started going days without hearing from you, and I began wondering, how on earth do you manage to stay away from the person you love the most and not feel a thing? And then it hit me that this question worked its best on me, maybe it all meant a little something, to me. Maybe, just maybe, you were my favorite thing in the world but I was the least worthy of your time and attention. God knows how much I loath one-sided affection.

My dearest friend, my ever lasting love. You were more than just words. Your beauty was beyond my understanding. I remember laying in bed, wondering, what have I done, that was so purely good, to be blessed with a soul like yours?
You understood me with every word I said, you memorized all of my concepts. And I let you slip away. And I will always hate both of us for letting go of something irreplaceable.

You're no longer here and it all seems pointless cause I write as much as I can but no ink nor thought, no word nor letter has the power to bring you back to me.

I miss you. It sounds pleasing at first, but if you read between those three words, you’ll find what I call… Grief.

"I don't want this"
The four words that shattered my heart, ripped through my skin and was pierced into my brain.
" I don't want this"
those words spin in my head over and over again while I break down and cry into my pillow so no one will hear my sorrows.
" I don't want this"
Well I wish you did, because I want this.
I want us.
i'd fight wars, climb mountains, swim rivers,
to be with you again.
But would you do the same for me?
Am I even worth it?
I was broken before you met me,
I was lost but than you found me,
I had my flaws but you still loved me.
"I don't want this"
I will forever love you,
but now when you hold me,
I will always hear this.

Dear you,
         I miss you.
The way your eyes looked identical to the stars in the sky,

The way your heart was so authentic it's nothing money can buy.

I miss you.

The way your kisses sent electricity through my veins,

The way you held me close and took me away from the pain.

I miss you.

the way that all your flaws made you even more pure,

the way you took care of me when i'm down like you always had the cure.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you so much it hurts.

"Are you okay?" is always the most painful question because you never know if you should pour your heart out or just lie, but you always lie and say you're fine.

You ask what is on my mind, but the truth is it's really hard to describe.
You see, I think everyday about today being the worst day.
That today is the day that that day will be my last day.
I think about how i'm walking around while "someone"  is dead, but I don't know that dead person but I wish I did.
I think about how one day i'll be dead but someone won't know me because i'm dead and nobody can meet a dead person.
I think about how time goes by fast, but also very slow. I mean I always question if i'll have enough time to do anything and everything with my life. Will I have time to take a shower in the morning? Will I have time to stop by target? Will I have time to just...live?
Breathe.
I think about my fears. how I fear to die, but also fear to live. I fear of today being my last day and having no time to actually live my life. I fear what people fear most like spiders and snakes, oh my.
I fear of losing myself, because everyday is a battle even when I don't show it.
Breathe.
I fear of losing you.
I fear you will find someone new, someone better,
but I don't blame you.
I fear I will never be good enough for you.
I fear I love too much,
why do you love them?
I fear I care too much,
why do you care anymore?
I fear I cry too much.
will you please stop crying?
Breathe.
So when you ask me what is on my mind, I never say much because it is easier to say nothing at all than to say what is going on in my head.