it's strange for me to feel safe or happy
maybe because he introduced me
to insecurity, pain, and scar in the first place
they've been my best friends ever since then
and I don't know who I am without them
but you're here now
serving me a plate of devotion and love;
the one I always hoped for but never got from him
and no matter how tall my walls are
my love safety system is not sounding an alarm
how odd, I pushed you but you pulled me back
so I stopped fighting you and your ray of light
beside, in order to know happiness again
all I have to do is open the door for you, right?

The girl in school
Who I think on
            often
    I write her poems
                 hardback textbook
        In between paragraphs
                     I lick my finger
turning the page
If I could only tell you
How the secret pencil marks I leave
                   Make me want to scream
She smells so boss
           Like grape bubblegum
                  
I Wrote her tonight
              Slipped the folded note   into her  pocket
        
My heart skips
         As she sits in Economics
Paper cut red
When she found and read
                   The wide rule page

I feel it all building up inside of me
Having nowhere to let it out because where would it be safe?
Even if I could I wonder if I'd even be able to find the words
Perhaps all I could say was nothing at all
Maybe silence is all there is to say

I am drowning
in a sea ravaged
by storm.

I couldn't keep up
with the onslaught
of waves.

My arms are getting numb,
my legs are burning,
my lungs are slowly
loosing oxygen.

Try as I might,
I can't swim back
ashore.

And slowly,
I stopped moving
and I let the waves
bring me down.

And I am sinking.

Sinking deeper
in the abyss
of an addled mind.

Sinking in the
comforting hands
of insanity.

Sinking in the lilting
voice of madness.