I am the problem
I can see the annoyance
In their tired eyes

"I am so sorry"
"For what?" they spit like acid
"Existing, perhaps"

They are sick of it
My need for reassurance
My anxiety

I can't get the image of you inside her out of my head.

Anxiety attack in 3...2...

Anxiety is love's greatest killer.

It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you.

You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.

Hey there Mum
It's just me writing
You sneak up on me in the quiet
In the quiet it's back sitting on my chest and I remember
You're gone, he's gone
I'm solitary
I felt like I was just living, just starting
And I lost it all
Is this how it goes Mum?
I miss you as much as 7 weeks love buys
I love you as much as my heart can
I'm empty empty empty
Where my parents used to be
I'm swallowing down hysteria and fear so intense it consumes
I'm blinking saltwater as useless as it is
I've got something good with a shelf life
It'll be taken away
I'm drowning
I'm drowning
It never goes away
But I wish life would

See,
I walked into your room
And the closet door was open and there were clothes in it,
And that's impossible because I helped go through your things
What we trashed
What we donated-
I took the bag back to the rehab unit myself.
What we kept-
The white sweater you asked for, a button down that reminds me of you....
Which means-
To everyone else that closet is now just extra empty space
And that's exactly what I can't stand.

Your absence is like a bed of sharp nails,
Puncturing every inch of raw skin.
What is grief?
A theif which steals my time,
Emotions,
Energy,
Encompasses me in a void,
With you reverberating in the darkness,
Your name,
Your memories,
Your everything,
Tangled up and thrown at me,
All at once,
with the force of a lifetime
Taking my breath away.
I claw to the surface,
Let me breathe,
Let me live.
It has surrounded me,
And I have surrendered.
I will miss you,
I will *grieve

Heartbreaking
Only seeing someone in your dreams is haunting
Your darkest moments feel so lonely
Reaching out but only to grasp memories
Tears seep from nowhere, whenever
And your fondest vivid thoughts will fade
Craving the sound of a voice
Aching for one more embrace
The constant pain is draining

Blood sings with agony

steals life with a terrible voice

while the hymns of melancholia

vibrate through the minds of those

mired in misery



Horrendous pain

infects the soul of man

bends away from the reality

that pain never heals

just bides in time



Grief overawes

the spirit of life

but what can we know

of love

without pain.



We burn in blood.

Love and lust

cannot be found without the other.

Love has a hidden hunger,

while lust seeks for comfort.