I have been an atheist for as long as I can remember -
but one touch of your coca cola flavoured lips pressed
against mine and I'm questioning if god really does exist

and I used to see things in black and white but all you are
is grey grey grey - I mean, what kind of angel does such
sinful things?

your lips whisper passages from the bible but jesus ****,
your hips convey a type of language we might go to hell for

and you wear a cross around your neck even when we're
******* because you say I make you feel like you're in
heaven and god god god is all you say

you've got wings on your back but I'm pretty sure
they're coloured black

and I know I'm not good at a lot of things. I can't promise you the
world or the stars and I definitely can't promise you I'll love you
with my whole heart - because I need some space for me, too.
I won't be able to go to Jupiter for you and don't expect me to
compose love ballads for you every night. I'm not that kind of girl.

but what I can promise you is that you're the only one I write about,
even before I met you and when I learnt to write I swear, my first
word was your name. you were fated to be the words on my paper -
**doesn't that count for something?

1) I'VE BEEN WEARING THE SWEATSHIRT YOU LEFT AT MY HOUSE-
TURNS OUT IT'S NOT STURDY ENOUGH TO HOLD MY BONES
[delete]

2) I SAW YOUR FATHER AT THE SUPERMARKET TODAY, HE ASKED
HOW I'VE BEEN- I WANTED TO SAY I WAS USELESS WITHOUT YOU
[delete]

3) MY MOTHER KEEPS TELLING ME THAT I'M A WHOLE PLANET AND
I CAN HANDLE A SMALL FOREST FIRE- BUT YOU WERE
THE WHOLE ******* UNIVERSE
[delete]

4) YOU HAD THE WHOLE OCEAN IN YOUR VEINS, I GUESS THAT'S
WHY I'M COUGHING UP WATER EVERY TIME I THINK OF YOU
[delete]

5) YOU GAVE UP
*[delete]

you have tequila drowning your senses the
way his kisses used to and I have shots of *****
burning my heart

when I take you back to mine you strip every piece
of clothing you have / silk laced bras land on the
couch as I touch you everywhere

your arms / your legs / your fingers / your hips /
your mouth / everwhere except your heart

because you'll leave in the morning (and I will too)

when you drink coffee back at your place
all I'll be is the guy you kissed to try and forget
the taste of him

but I don't mind —

because all you are to me is just another name
that escaped from my lips at night

and I tried to make your body sound poetic
but all it is is *w i l d

I HAD LOST MY HEART DECADES AGO
TO A BOY WITH SLENDER FINGERS
MADE TO CHOKE MY NECK
AND BURN MY SKIN
BRUISED KNUCKLES MADE ART ON MY HANDS
OR SO HE SAID
BUT I DON'T THINK ART WAS SUPPOSED TO HURT LIKE THAT

I HAD LOST MY LUNGS IN A HAZE OF SMOKE AND LUST
HE TOOK MY BREATH AWAY
AND NEVER BOTHERED TO GIVE IT BACK

I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YEARS
ONLY TO BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH LOST GIRLS
MADE BY TOXIC LOVE AND BROKEN BONES

BUT I NEVER DID FIND MYSELF

I POURED MY ACHING HEART INTO A POP SONG
WHERE YOU WERE MY MISSING PIECE AND I
WAS MERELY A FRAGMENT OF YOUR THOUGHTS,
A BITTER WHISPER YOU GAVE NO THOUGHT TO

I POURED MY ACHING HEART INTO A SHOT OF
***** AND LEMONADE / AND THOUGH IT
MADE NO SENSE TO ANYONE, IT SEEMED LIKE
THE PERFECT COMBINATION AT THE TIME

I POURED MY ACHING HEART INTO A GLASS
OF WATER / AND GAVE IT TO YOU, BECAUSE
YOU SAID YOU WERE DYING OF THIRST- BUT
I DID NOT KNOW BACK THEN, THAT YOU
WERE COLD AS ICE ANYWAY

I POURED MY ACHING HEART INTO THIS
POEM / IT SEEMS TO BE THE MONA LISA
OF THE EMPTY ROOMS / BUT WHAT GOOD
IS THE MONA LISA / WHEN DA VINCI WAS
NEVER THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

1) I remember the night when you
repeatedly told me I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
and I was confused as to why

2) the next day you left you didn't
even spare that mixtape you made
me last year you took it all (along with my mind)

3) I saw you two weeks later at the
supermarket and you seemed fine and
your hair was fine and the girl kissing your cheek
seemed fine but I was a mess, if you cared

4) you told me before that skin cells change
every twenty-eight days and now
your temperature is fading from me
and so are the memories
so would you do me a favour for old times' sake?

5) can you hold me tight again and
kiss my neck like you used to and
give me twenty-eight more days because
I am all over the place and I just
really need a mark to know that *I exist

NOTHING EVER HAPPENS THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO
AND YOUR MOUTH IS CLOSED, GLUED SHUT BY THE
WORDS THAT THEY THROW AT HIM, THE WORDS TO
MAKE YOU WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM AND CRY
FOR HIM AND NOTHING IS GOING WELL AT ALL, FOR
HE IS YOUR SUN AND YOUR CHARON AND ALL THE
******* STARS IN THE MIDDLE, FOR HE IS YOUR
BROTHER AND THEY ARE ******* KILLING HIM,
AND THE TEARS BEGIN TO STREAM DOWN, AND YOU
BEGIN TO PANIC, BECAUSE HE IS YOUR SUN AND
YOUR CHARON AND ALL THE ******* STARS IN
THE MIDDLE, FOR HE IS YOUR BROTHER *AND THEY
ARE KILLING HIM, AND NOTHING IS EVER THE SAME.