Empire

Empire Apr 2020

To them, she’s a joke
She wonders if she can be loved
They act like she’s a character in a movie
Of course her prince will come!
(Theirs all came, anyway)
They tell her someday
She’ll look back and laugh
But in her heart
She can see that her reality is not the same
She’ll never have a partner
She’ll never know a true friend
And she knows
That no matter what they all say
She’s destined to be alone.

If anyone could be unlovable, it’s me.

#lonely #alone #loneliness #depression #friend #relationships

Empire Apr 2020

One person

One person
That’s all it would take
One person
To see me and care
Not judge
One person
To take the time to know me
To hold me
To stand by me
To steady me when I’m weak
If just one person
Could be half of that to me
Perhaps that’s all it would take
To save my life

What do you do when no one actually cares for you...? I am capable of independence but that doesn’t mean I want to be alone.

#lonely #loneliness #alone #depressed #depression

Empire Apr 2020

lines

I don't want to have to try and explain to you
The dark lines on my wrist and thigh
That I pray you will never be able to understand

Spent a long time just staring at my scars today...

It's been over a month since I last cut... doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment, but maybe it is...

#depression #selfharm #cutting #scars #recovery

Empire Apr 2020

i’m tired...

I don’t want to be
alone
broken
numb
polite
sad
sober
alive
me
any longer.

Empire Apr 2020

Home

This entire house feels unstable
My life is shaking
As are my hands
Nothing is certain
Nothing is safe
Why... why doesn’t home ever feel safe?

#home #family #unstable #anxiety

Empire Apr 2020

I Want to Drink Because...

I want to drink
Because life hurts
Because all I feel is pain or numb
Because happiness escapes me
Because every smile is skin deep
Because my veins burn to be opened
Because I can’t laugh without feeling empty
Because maybe enough toxins in my blood
Can make me feel okay
Just for a little while...

I swear... there’s nothing good about being a depressed, anxious 20 year old surrounded by alcohol and people who drink to cope but won’t let you join in.... please, do one more thing to make me feel more left out I dare you.

Once I turn 21... if I still feel like this, I may never be sober again...

#drinking #alcohol #coping #depressed #depression #empty #numb #pain #lonely #life

Empire Apr 2020

Curiosity and Recollection

tw self harm

Her skin burns
In the places she once held the blade
She knows she doesn’t need it
But curiosity and recollection
They tempt her
To fall once again
To relapse again
To cut herself again...

She sees the paths ahead of her
She sees addiction
She sees recovery
To cut again would be easy
Already she has supplies
But the momentum of healing
She doesn’t want to lose it
So hard she’s labored for it
So I suppose
For now
She’ll labor on

Something dark is lingering tonight... it’s time for sedatives I suppose... :(

#selfharm #cutting #recovery #depression #addiction #anxiety