Sunup
expectations low-
another day aimed my way

- till the sky became
a color never named
and changed my world - again,

a new day.

r ~ 10/12/14

I’ve been told
that my touch
is like knives,
and I tend to
leave scars
when I get to
know people.

You claimed
to be scared
of commitment,
yet I can see the
tattoos that cover
your skin.

I guess the pain
of me wasn’t
worth it because
I can feel myself
fading from your
skin and I hope
everything is dull
compared to me.

The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending
Their bare boughs weighed with snow,
And the storm is fast descending
And yet I cannot go.

Clouds beyond clouds above me,
Wastes beyond wastes below;
But nothing drear can move me;
I will not, cannot go.

if i can shrink a single person to microscopic size and allow access to the deep recesses of my brain it would be you, yes I could talk and think all day long and only you would be the one to hear, but there are still parts of my brain that I wont let you in, the part where it has these fantasies of stroking your short fingers which you're so insecure about, the part of my brain with the fantasy of me telling you your fingers are beautiful and brush off any kind of protest from your part because I am thoroughly convinced that you are beautiful; you are beautiful and I don't mean I have been convinced I mean I believe, I believe in the single truth that you are beautiful and lovable and all things good, despite your demons and the things that make your life a hell sometimes, and most of the time in those days I just want to be a guardian angel and bring you back to earth. I wouldn't let you in the part of my brain where the angry thoughts lie because yes I have been frustrated at you sometimes but not you; I am angry at the things and people and places that make you forget that you are human, that you are worthy and loved; I am angry at the voices that tell you sometimes that you are a ******* because hearing those words from you was the most painful thing and I am angry, angry at them and you and myself, and id rather not have you see my anger; but I know you wouldn't want that because you want to be inside my head as much as I want to be in yours I hope I hope this is not a delusion. I don't want you to see the part of my brain where we lie in your squeaky bed and you climb up to me with your breath hot in my face; I don't want you in those parts of my brain because they shouldn't exist, but who am I to judge something's existence when it is already present in the first place, and I am quite **** sure that someday I will crack and let you in all those parts of my head anyway, and I will be helplessly looking at you get in those cracks and freeze and slowly back away with the saddest "i'm sorry" smile of all

Once, I had my heart broken
Once was all it took
Left everything I knew
Sailed off on a grain ship
To see the ocean
And to forget your face

Hardened me right up
Callused my hands
Callused my heart
I even took a liking to the sea
It washed out the memory of you
Well, it did
For a good while

I was hauling on a line
Unloading cargo into port
Muscles straining, when I saw you
Standing on the docks
Felt a hot pain
As the rope tore a large callus
From my hand
Exposing a tender, burning flesh underneath

Three years hadn't hardened me up one bit

I wrote a poem for you, it cried
I painted a picture but it lied
I made a movie of still images
complete with the music I bled
Still, it left so many things unsaid
It wasn't enough for you
It wasn't enough for me
The path unspoken, forever broken
is so easy, in blindness, to see
Another day, someone's heartbeat
washes up silently upon the shore
beached upon an unforgiving earth
they think of Life no more
Each battle scar carved upon flesh
in a moment of Self Flagellation
is an answer to a deeper question
beyond our own imagination
I see you curled upon the floor
I bleed for you, I've been there before
You feel like its not worth it
This Life you have been given
But before you cut it down
Why don't you try living?

is like crashing onto the shore
getting pulled back by the waves
with water in your mouth
and your vision going black
and it feels like somehow
it's never gonna stop

you keep on sinking
and sinking
and sinking,

but you never
drown.