Gotta break loose from this circle that controls my life
I'm becoming a relic of self abuse
I want to fall in love with everything that moves
When I love nothing at all, and have nothing to prove
My love is addiction and my addiction is love
And I've got a short attention span, but somehow keep gliding
But I've given up on feeling high
I've felt it all before, and all I'm feeling now is shy
Never wanted to die and still don't
But it haunts my thoughts a lot so
I guess I gotta smash the clock and break out of my shell
Hope for the best, hope it settles the score

Why is it that us poets, people of such passion are so often the ones clutching the bottle at the end of the night as we crawl into bed alone?

Why are we the ones searching for someone to **** because we never get any farther than that. Some call it home run but a hug is much more satisfying.

And we're the ones who cyber stalk and listen to music and pour out ours hearts and scream at the top of lungs and go on midnight runs.

And I have no one I can explain this to. No one I an call and cry poetry too and no one I am yell at and no one to love and no one to hate. And I thought it would work. I thought maybe I would get lucky and meet someone whose heart whispered the same things as mine.

Once upon a time in a far away land a princess met her prince. But tonight right here a young woman is simply begging for anything, anyone.

I almost texted you today on my sisters phone pretending to be her
I realized that you are the best liar I have ever seen and that makes me love you more.
I miss you I miss you I miss you.
And my heart will not stop screaming your name into my brain.

To my future lover:
Please find me quick because I am fading fast

Let me just say
That sometimes
The words I
Have to say
Are best put
In the words
That other people
Have written
As songs.
And I am
Not ashamed
To say that
I could not
Word my thoughts
Any better.

I have two beautiful sisters.
Sometimes I have okay
self image, but
it can be hard.

Dezi has that blond hair, brown eyed all american look. She's got a **** and curves but is still petite.
She thinks she looks good most of the time but sometimes she is throws fits about clothes and I know what she's thinking.
Yesterday she made fun of how hairy my belly is. I need to shave I guess.

My sister Karen is gorgeous. Eating disorder makes her skinnier than she already is. But she still has curves. She throws up her food before I'm even done with mine and she's slowly killing herself.
She doesn't get that she's slowly killing me too.
And sometimes when I feel weird after i eat I wonder if I should just stop.

I'm the oldest so I try to act okay. They don't know that I just cut this morning or that them both smoking causes me to cry sometimes. They don't realize that I know I will never be enough. That I only allow myself to sleep with guys that I don't care about because its better than getting my heart broken by someone I love.

Last night my dad said he didn't love me.
Two weeks ago the boy I love lied to my face and chose someone else. Forgot about me.

I used to want to die. I still do but the ****** thing about that is I can't because I have to make sure my sisters are okay.

I need a friend who cares and a boy who loves me would be nice too. Romantically.

Cross my fingers.
Cross my heart.
I'll be good just please
help me.

If i tell you that my heart
Is made from glass
Would you hold it
Or you would let it crush.

If i tell you that my heart
Is a big diamond
Would you keep it by your side
Or you would sell it
To an unknown guy

You are stealing my happiness
But its ok for me.