we lay there,
you with your back turned
to me.
i used
my fingertips
to trace
the words
my mouth
never has the
courage to say.
and you just fell asleep.
and i'm starting
to think that's a metaphor
for what you'd do
if i let you
hear what my heart
has been *screaming

You tell me,
I need to breath,
As you watch,
My rib cage heave.

There's comfort,
In your clouded eyes,
But I ignore,
Your feeble cries,
It's pity lined,
With bitter lies.

You tell me,
I need to breath,
I hold my breath,
And watch you leave.

*you tell me,
I need to breath,
And suffocate,
My self belief.

i fall in love with melancholy—
it undresses my mind and ushers out words
i didn’t know i had in me

there are some things that i can only say
when i am swimming in loneliness,
but not drowning

but sometimes it’s too much;
sad songs don’t caress the wound anymore

they poke at them,
make them bleed,
worsen it

i guess they were right, after all

when you feel darkness
knocking on your door,
don’t let it in—
it is not your friend

you deserve more than this sadness.

what a surprise, being alone
never thought I was capable of it
I'm a cynic with a bitter tongue
I can give you something to run from
psychedlic caresses, navy sky
surrounds my vision
is it really just another night?

-c.j.

splattered in the kitchen
early morning chaos
red purple mauve silk
to settle the tummy
plastic wrench-aways
and a pressing watching oven clock

-c.j.

if only I were an optimist
half-full glasses and seratonin
by the masses
some days the light can blare
however today I think
I'll sit
and not care

-c.j.