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Jun 2014
I have two beautiful sisters.
Sometimes I have okay
self image, but
it can be hard.

Dezi has that blond hair, brown eyed all american look. She's got a **** and curves but is still petite.
She thinks she looks good most of the time but sometimes she is throws fits about clothes and I know what she's thinking.
Yesterday she made fun of how hairy my belly is. I need to shave I guess.

My sister Karen is gorgeous. Eating disorder makes her skinnier than she already is. But she still has curves. She throws up her food before I'm even done with mine and she's slowly killing herself.
She doesn't get that she's slowly killing me too.
And sometimes when I feel weird after i eat I wonder if I should just stop.

I'm the oldest so I try to act okay. They don't know that I just cut this morning or that them both smoking causes me to cry sometimes. They don't realize that I know I will never be enough. That I only allow myself to sleep with guys that I don't care about because its better than getting my heart broken by someone I love.

Last night my dad said he didn't love me.
Two weeks ago the boy I love lied to my face and chose someone else. Forgot about me.

I used to want to die. I still do but the ****** thing about that is I can't because I have to make sure my sisters are okay.

I need a friend who cares and a boy who loves me would be nice too. Romantically.

Cross my fingers.
Cross my heart.
I'll be good just please
help me.
Cassie Stoddard
Written by
Cassie Stoddard  Missouri
     Emma, Cristina and Monkey
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