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Emma Oct 2014
16 years
16 years I've been breathing
Or, for the past few,
Trying my best to breathe

I cling to the blade
That for the past few years
Has been my only friend

I would've liked nothing more
Than to not make it
To my
"Sweet 16"

I don't want to be here
I don't think I ever have

There's nothing left for me
Can't I go home?

Emma Apr 2014
I sit here alone,
17 minutes until midnight,
Wondering why the hell
I was ever put in this ******* world
Because I know so many people
Who would love to see me
Just disappear

And trust me,
I wish I could.

Emma Jul 2015
1 hour and 52 minutes
is the longest we've gone
without texting one another back
when we're not busy

but now it's been
2 hours and 11 minutes
and each minute that goes by
feels like hours

and I feel like collapsing
and screaming
and crying

and I feel you
slowly forgetting about

Emma Feb 2014
I took the first step

Telling myself
I don't need you
To be happy

Because I see you smiling
With your friends
And other girls
While I'm all alone
Dying inside

But then it hit me

I'm better than this
And I don't need
An *******
Of a guy
To make me feel
Like maybe I can continue

Because I feel like dying
And I don't need you
To be the one
Making me go
Closer to the edge

Instead of trying to
Save me.

Emma Apr 2014
I'm so used to
Being 2nd choice
To you,
To him,
To her,
To Everyone
It's just an
Ongoing event
Where I don't matter
Nearly as much
As the next

Emma Mar 2014
The only time
I'm ever even
To being happy
Is when I'm with

Because you're my
Best friend
And I couldn't imagine
Not having you
By my side
Because you're the only one
That I can
Relate to
And trust
And you're the only one
Who knows
That this depression
Has taken over
My life

But you can
Make me
And laugh
So hard
Because I can
Completely be myself
Around you
And that's the best
In the world

I am so glad
I met you
Just 3 years ago
Because you are
The main reason
I'm still

Emma Feb 2014
I'm insane.

I'm as sane as they get

These emotions fill me up
Up to the brim

The outside always holds the lie
Waiting for the day I will explode
Making sure everyone knows
Exactly how I feel

But for now,
My emotions topple over my eyes

Making my eyelids heavy
As I keep them awake until 4:32 am
As my mind races
And my heart thumps with anxiety

Waiting for the day
When you'll know,
That I have never been okay.

Emma Apr 2014
I'm so scared
That you won't
Think about me
As you lie awake
5 years from now
Because I tried
To give you everything
But you
Denied me
And I became
A mere
To you

And I say
I'm over you,
I'm over this
But the truth is
You meant
A lot
To me
So I can't
Get over you
As quickly
As I want
As quickly
As my heart

Emma Oct 2015
People always say
a lot can change in 6 months
and I never really believed that until
your fascination with me slowly disappeared
and now I seem to be just another girl
but I'm the girl you can ****
so I guess I should feel special

but I feel like I'm getting ******
in more than just one way

Emma Apr 2014
one minute
i hate your guts,
and the next
i'm hopelessly drowning
in those ocean blue eyes
and i know
that we never have a chance
because you have her
and she's so much better
than me
but sometimes,
for a few moments,
i love to think
that one day
you'll talk to me
like you used to
and we could help each other
heal our hearts
that are shattered in a
million pieces

If you haven't noticed, the boy with the ocean blue eyes is the same one in all my poems..
Emma Mar 2014
I promise you
With all my
Torn up
That I will try
To love
And fix
With all
that's left of

I tried to write a love poem, because I have felt so much hatred lately. So this is how it came out.
Emma Apr 2014
"Well I could be
But you're
Not worth the

I adore this lyric
Because it shows
That when you're
At someone
You need to let it
Because it's
Not worth
Your happiness

So don't be
Smile at people
Who hurt you
Because it'll
Hurt them
In the long run.

Well, it's a little positive, right?
Emma Mar 2015
You liked me because I have blonde hair
and blue eyes that remind you of the ocean
"Stop it"
you repeated over and over because
when you looked at me
you got lost in my eyes

but I was never into you
in that way

but when we sat in my car
and just talked about everything
and anything
I thought for a second you could be real
and different

but a week later
I was shown the real you
the one who didn't want to talk to me anymore
because you only wanted
to **** me

but you were my friend
and you were the person
I could talk to
about anything
and everything

but I was just another girl
that you wanted to be
another notch in your bed post.

I'm sad I thought you were different
but I'm glad you showed me the real you.
I know I'm better off.
Emma Feb 2014
The horrors fill
Each inch
Of my shaking body
As I think about the future
And how I don't think
I'll be able to make it
That far
Because one after another
My demons
Come to see me
One by one
Like an assembly line
Of my deepest

Emma Jun 2015
You make me better
you make me happy
you make me not worry
you make me not sad
you make me not think
about anything other than


Emma Jul 2015
I know I shouldn't worry
because I trust you more than anyone

but when she's over there
and I'm no where near

and she could hold you
and give you everything you deserve
and I can't even see you face to face

maybe she's better for you
than I'll ever be

Emma Mar 2014
Please give me
The strength
I need
To end everything
Because no one
Will care
And no one
Will notice
As I am
Gone from this
Because you all
Will go about
Your normal lives
As I disappear
In the blink of an

Emma Mar 2014
I'm 15
And yet
I still cry
Like a baby
When we drive you
To the airport
For yet another
Business trip

And I remember
When I was
Just 9
And you
Went away
For a year
And it was like
A part of me
Was taken away

So now
Whenever you leave
I'm always afraid
You'll never come

Emma Oct 2014
you told me
in order to keep your job
you would have to be out of town

do you realize how much that ripped me apart?
you're the only person I trust
or can rely on
and hasn't left me alone in this darkness

I know you need to do this
I do
but I swear it's tearing me apart
even more.

Emma Feb 2014
I'm a failure
A ****-up
I'm someone
Who will never get anywhere
With this stupid thing
Called life

Because I'm getting
That terrible
C- in Chemistry
Because I've never been good
At science

And I missed
Working on the project today
With my group
Who probably thinks
That I'm lazy now
Because somehow
It totally slipped my mind

I try my hardest
But things slip my mind
And I'm not the best
At science
Or math

But my dad
Expects so much of me
And my brain
Races with this idea
That I could actually
Turn out okay
That I could
End up leaving this hell
Called high school
And go to college
And be smart

But then I have
Days like this
Where I forget something
And that whole
Crumbles to the

Emma Oct 2016
to the blue eyed boy
who used to consume every piece
of my writing,
who introduced me to the band
that saved my life,
who made me feel
a little less lonely

save a spot for me on the other side
and rest easy,

Emma Apr 2014
I breathe you in
Like a puff of stale
Cigarette smoke

You fill my lungs
With confusion
And a hint of

Because part of me wishes
I would never have
Met you

But part of you lingers,
Like the smell of cigarettes
On a chain smoker,
Stained all over my body

Emma Feb 2014
My phone buzzes
My best friend's name
Flashes across the screen
As I smile with joy

Her voice soothes
Even my darkest demons

She knows exactly what to say
Even when I'm at my lowest

She knows what I'm feeling;
She's going through it too

An hour ticks by,
but I wish the night and phone call
Would last forever

Because she's the only one
Who can make me laugh,
When I want to cry

Make me smile,
When I feel like
Slicing my skin open once again

Even though she's 3 hours away,
I feel like we're closer than

Emma Nov 2015
It's this constant feeling
I'd be better off dead
lying six feet under
using my last breath to tell you
I love you
one more time
even though I know
you still wouldn't say it back

Emma Apr 2014
you scare me
you scare me so ******* much
because when I think about you
I think about all the crazy things
I would do with
and for you

Emma Mar 2014
I have
This idea
In my mind
That the world and
Would be
Better off without
Because all I do
Is make you
Worried and completely
Stressed out
And I hate knowing
That you've done
All these things
For me
And that I will never
In a million years
Be able to
Pay you back.
And I am so sorry
I am not
The daughter
That you dreamed of
Because I have
That C in Chemistry
And I'm not the best
At making
And I'm not the girl
All the boys
Fall head over
Heels for
And I'm never
Going to be
The daughter that you

Emma Mar 2014
I've always known
I was never
Cut out for this.
Cut out for
Cut out for
Or whatever it is
We're doing
Day by

Emma Mar 2014

Emma Apr 2014
I wish you would just
Like I wish
I could

Because your face
Isn't nice
To see
When I'm trying
My hardest
To get over you
Because I know
You don't like me
And I know
I never meant
To you

But how do you
Get over someone
Who was never

Emma Feb 2014
These plain white
Hospital walls
Linger through my mind
As the IV in my arm
Pumps me full of sleepy

Your voice lingers in my

Telling me your disappointed
Telling me I should have told

But who would listen?

I'm in this state
Of never ending

You tell me
"I'll get over it"
That it's
"Just a phase"

Then this must be
The longest phase
In existence

You tell them I don't need help
I don't need medication

But I crave it
Because maybe
It could finally give me a

But I leave this place
With nothing more
Then when I came

And leaving with nothing solved
Coming home with just
Your disappointment

Emma Mar 2014
I'm done.
And I know
I've said it
Over and over
But this time
I think
I mean it
Because I'm
Too stupid,
Too ugly,
Too broken,
And too
To be here

Emma Feb 2014
I've never had drugs
Even close to me

But when this sadness
Doesn't seem to leave,
My mind wanders places
Where I could see myself

Taking a drag from that cigarette,
Pumping the liquid through my veins,
Or pressing it to my tongue

To take away this pain

Take away this pain
From always being second best
Or being ignored

I would do anything

To just be okay.

Emma Jul 2015
I let my mind race
and I let the thoughts seep into everything I am
and I let them control me

because I'm not strong enough
to block out the things that are probably true

and I'm not strong enough
to love you without doubting it

Emma Mar 2014
I'm sorry
I'm sorry* I'm like this
I'm sorry I'm stupid
I'm sorry I'm mean
I'm sorry that when someone
Tries to love me
I push them away
Because once they start to
They always leave

Because right now
I'm not ready
For someone to love
Every inch
Of the parts of me
That I hate
With a burning

And don't say
"It's okay."
And that you can
Wait for me

Because you may
Be waiting on me

Because maybe
I'll never be strong enough
To trust someone
With the beating thing
In my chest
That breaks

Emma Mar 2014
You told me
That you're so much

Because you have
That new trainer
Who's going to
Help you
Lose the weight
Because you say you're

Because your parents
Saw the scars
That cover your left
So they are trying
To lighten up
On you

Because your parents
Are being nicer
About your grades
So you won't have so much

Because they finally
That you were
Close to the

And I am so
Because I sit here
And talk to you
Saying how
Happy I am
For you

When in reality
I'm not.

Because now
You're just like
The rest of them
Telling me that it's
To get over
This seed of
That grew deep
Inside me
And won't seem
To stop

Because I am
Happy for you
That is was
Because you're
My best friend
And I love you

But no one
That I am slowly
Dying inside
Day by day
And that I am
Quietly pleading
For help

And you
Don't understand
That I may
Get past this.

Emma Apr 2016
i ****** up my hands
hoping to feel something,
but I'm still empty and numb
and want to keep punching walls
until the bones are

Emma May 2016
there's nothing left in me
that believes I'm enough for you

but I don't think
I'll ever be enough for anyone

Emma May 2014
I did it.

And I tried reading your text
over and over
to see if I could get
the evil thoughts
to leave my mind.
To see if I could pull away
the sharp metal
pressed against my skin.

But your words
meant nothing
in that moment.
When all I could think about
was how I was going
to leave this world

Emma Mar 2014
I hate  
When people
Make these rude
Comments like
"Anxiety isn't a big
deal. Just be
"Depression isn't real,
You just need to be
"Mental illness' are just
excuses for lazy

Because these people
Don't understand
How terrible
Anxiety can be
And how it can leave you

Or how monstrous
Depression can be
And how
The demons will visit
Late into the
Or even say hello
When the sun
Is still in the

Or how
Any mental illness
Can leave you
Shaking to the
Or crying
All the time
Or leaving you
Feeling like no one

Because it's not just an

Emma Oct 2014
After almost a year
Of carrying around this
I came out to the two people
Who are closest to me

And now,
I think I'm the happiest
I've ever been

Emma Feb 2014
The only way anymore
For me to feel
Just an ounce of
Is to listen to the music
That fills my ears
And fills the empty cracks
Inside my heart
That ache with pain
But when I hear
Those few notes
And that voice
That could compare to
My very own angels
I am

Even for just a moment
I can forget
About the depression,
And all the other horrors
That fill my body
And crazy, mixed-up

Emma Jun 2016
what hurts the most
is looking back to how it used to be
when I was happy
when you were happy
when everything was beautiful
and nothing hurt
but now everything hurts
and I can't stand to talk to you
or even think about you

and yet,
you're still the only thing on my

Emma Apr 2014
Goodbyes are so much easier
When it's the last one
You'll ever have to

Emma Apr 2014
I say goodbyes
Quite often
Because once someone
Enters into
My life
They seem to leave
As if
They were never

Emma Apr 2014
Sometimes I feel like maybe
You actually realize that I'm having
A harder time with "growing up"
Than you did

Because you go on and on
About how you were the most
Kid in the whole world

Because you got A's
All through school
And you had friends
That adored you
And you collected
Those **** records
That you probably love
More than anything

And besides having terrible parents
That were always drunk
You were a perfect kid
Who lost his hair at 5
And that didn't phase you because
You knew you had potential
To do whatever you wanted
As long as you got perfect grades
And as long as you were

But you don't understand
That sometimes (most of the time)
I feel like I am the person in the world
With the absolute least amount of potential

But you don't understand
Because you were perfect
And in your daughter's eyes,
I see it and
Know it's true.
But please don't believe
That I can be perfect too
Because I am far from it

I'm sorry.
Emma Apr 2014
All I want
Is for this
******* headache
To leave me alone
Because for the past
Year and a half
The only pain
I ever feel
Is the one
Residing in my

Emma Feb 2014
I have this thing
Growing deep inside me
Coursing through my veins
Like a ****

It's attached to my heart
Making me emotionless,
helpless, heartless

Because it's eating away
At the beating thing
That keeps me breathing
And keeps me going
But it's slowly getting

Emma Mar 2014
Why does he
Have this affect
On me?
Because one minute
I feel like
I can live
Without him
Like I'll be fine
But the next
When he talks to me
And shows that
Gorgeous smile
I feel like
All my walls
Come crashing

Emma May 2014

Emma Jun 2014
I'm trying to be happy

I'm trying to be positive

I'm trying
for you

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