you reeled me in
like the best catch of the day
now all I seem to be
is just one of your many fishes

it’s been over a year since I felt the love leave
well I could feel it from time to time
but not like it was at the start

and I’m not saying we just got out of our ‘honeymoon’ phase
I’m telling you everything good was just gone

it was as if someone came in the night
and stole the love from our hearts
and the light in my eyes
when I look at you

now I can only look at you with sadness
and a shattered heart
wishing you’d come back and pick up the pieces
and sow them back together

to the blue eyed boy
who used to consume every piece
of my writing,
who introduced me to the band
that saved my life,
who made me feel
a little less lonely

save a spot for me on the other side
and rest easy,
okay?

-e.w.

what hurts the most
is looking back to how it used to be
when I was happy
when you were happy
when everything was beautiful
and nothing hurt
but now everything hurts
and I can't stand to talk to you
or even think about you

and yet,
you're still the only thing on my
mind

-e.w.

you told me you still love me
you still care
you still want to try

but all I feel is numb
towards you
towards this

you've made me numb
and feel even more miserable
than I think I've ever been

please make the hurt stop
you're slowly killing me
and you don't even care to notice

-e.w.

there's nothing left in me
that believes I'm enough for you

but I don't think
I'll ever be enough for anyone
anymore

-e.w.

you used to make me want to write
happy poems
and be happy
but now all you make me want to do
is rip my skin open
and drink
and smoke
until there's nothing left of me

-e.w.

i ****** up my hands
hoping to feel something,
anything
but I'm still empty and numb
and want to keep punching walls
until the bones are
shattered

-e.w.

I got drunk
and punched walls
until I couldn't even recognize
or feel my hands

don't you dare call me weak
ever again

-e.w.

I told myself that I could handle this
that I'd make it
that I'd be fine
but my eyes have been overflowing with tears
the past 24 hours
and my wrists burn
and my head aches
and I'm back to not wanting to make it to
tomorrow

-e.w.

my head is killing me
from slamming it against the wall
over and over
trying to stop the voices
trying to just stop thinking

but I think the voices are louder now
and my thoughts are eating me alive

-e.w.

you stopped asking how I was
so I stopped talking

you stopped saying nice things to me
so I distanced myself

you stopped putting me first
so I ripped myself apart

you stopped calling me beautiful
so I stopped trying to be

you stopped caring
so I showed you I was better at not caring

you stopped loving me
so I wound up here, crying my eyes out
wishing I could disappear

-e.w.

It's this constant feeling
I'd be better off dead
lying six feet under
using my last breath to tell you
I love you
one more time
even though I know
you still wouldn't say it back

-e.w.

I've been ****** up
and ****** over
for as long as I can remember

you took this little girl
who had hope in everything
and turned her into a resentful, anxious, depressed girl
who lost hope in everything

including herself

-e.w.

You used to look at me like I was
everything to you

now do you ever even look at me
at all?

-e.w.

One minute you tell me you love me
one minute you compliment me
and tell me you love everything about me
one minute you actually seem like you care

but the next
I'm left feeling like you could care less
if I'm here or not
the next you make me feel like I do nothing right
the next you act like I mean absolutely nothing to you

so I'm not sure if it's your ****** up idea of love
or maybe it could be mine

-e.w.

I thought I finally found someone
who fit me perfectly
and who would honestly be there
no matter what
but now I'm sitting here on my bathroom floor
for the 7th time this week
crying my eyes out
wanting it all to go away
wanting it all to end
because you told me you'd listen
you told me you'd love me
you told me you'd never leave

if all that's true,
where are you?

-e.w.

I keep crying
and I can't seem to stop

I thought I was doing better
I thought I was okay
I thought I had dug myself out of the never ending hole
but I got ****** back in

and this time you're not even trying to help

-e.w.

"Things change,
people change"
I've heard this over and over
but god,
I really didn't want this
or you
to change

-e.w.

People always say
a lot can change in 6 months
and I never really believed that until
your fascination with me slowly disappeared
and now I seem to be just another girl
but I'm the girl you can ****
so I guess I should feel special

but I feel like I'm getting ******
in more than just one way

-e.w.

you don't talk about her
as much as you used to
but

I still worry

I'm trying to not
think about it too much
but

I still worry

I try not to think that
you're going to leave
but

I still worry

I think about you with her
and I try not to get upset
because I trust you

I trust you
I trust you
I trust you

but god,
maybe I'm just trying to
convince myself that I do

-e.w.

1 hour and 52 minutes
is the longest we've gone
without texting one another back
when we're not busy

but now it's been
2 hours and 11 minutes
and each minute that goes by
feels like hours

and I feel like collapsing
and screaming
and crying

and I feel you
slowly forgetting about
me

-e.w.

I don't know what to do
when I get like this
when I feel like collapsing
and relapsing
and I can't catch my *******
breath

-e.w.

I can feel myself change
when the depression leeches onto my heart
and my head

it ***** the life out of me
and leaves me with nothing left
except this hollow heart
and useless corpse
that I constantly want to destroy

-e.w.

I let my mind race
and I let the thoughts seep into everything I am
and I let them control me

because I'm not strong enough
to block out the things that are probably true

and I'm not strong enough
to love you without doubting it

-e.w.

I've tried not to feel like this
I've tried not to let it get to me
but every time her name is brought up
or you say you're with her

it's like my heart drops
and I want to curl up in a ball
and not talk to anyone or do anything

I completely shut down

because my mind races with thoughts
of you and her

and I feel like the more you're with her,
the more I'm losing you

-e.w.

I'm sorry I question you
and ask are you sure?
after every "I love you"
and "I promise I'm not going to leave"

but people say things
every day,
all the time

words slip out of mouths
as if it all means nothing
as if we're just trying to pass the time

-e.w.

I'm not a jealous person
but when it comes to you
I see everyone as a threat

because I know in the blink of an eye
you could leave me
for someone who's so much better
and prettier
and nicer
and stronger

for someone's who's
everything I'm not

-e.w.

I know I shouldn't worry
because I trust you more than anyone

but when she's over there
and I'm no where near

and she could hold you
and give you everything you deserve
and I can't even see you face to face

maybe she's better for you
than I'll ever be

-e.w.

I can feel you losing interest
I can feel you leaving
or, at least,
wanting to

I know I'm hard to deal with
I know I get so sad that everything hurts
I know I get so sad that I hurt everyone
but I swear I love you

But I understand if you need to go
because there's someone out there
who's going to treat you exactly how you should be
someone who doesn't get sad
and push you away
someone who can handle the world
and doesn't think about leaving constantly

I understand if you don't love me anymore
I don't either

-e.w.

I'm sorry
I'm sorry I'm such a ******* mess
I'm sorry I bring you down
I'm sorry my head gets to me
and tells me you're going to leave
because everyone always does
I'm sorry I'm not what you hoped for
I'm sorry I'm not what you deserve
I'm sorry you love me
but please just stop
and save yourself

before I tear you apart too

-e.w.

You make me better
you make me happy
you make me not worry
you make me not sad
you make me not think
about anything other than

you

-e.w.

I'm not ready
to give this up

because yeah,
you're hundreds of miles away
but I swear you're worth it

because you make me
look forward to tomorrow
and send me texts
that make it a little easier to wake up

because your smile
makes me smile like an idiot
and makes me
want to hold you forever and
make sure that smile never disappears

because you make me feel things
that I've never felt before
like these butterflies
that never leave my stomach
or when my eyes light up
when I think about you

because I've finally found something
worth waking up for
and something I'm scared as hell
to lose

and that's
you.

-e.w.

I don't know what's wrong with me
because you make me so happy
but right now
I can feel the tears swelling up
in my eyes
because I get these bursts
of complete unhappiness
and I can't control it
and I know I'm not good enough
and I'm so scared you'll find someone new
because it'd be so easy
to find someone better
and I'm sorry I get so sad
and all I want is for you to hold me
and make everything okay
but you can't
because you're over there
and I'm way over
here.

-e.w.

I felt comfort when
you said I was
always on your mind,
always on the tip of your tongue
always the one you wanted
in your arms

and I hope
it stays that way

-e.w.

I never meant
To fall in love

But when you smiled
And called me babe
And told me
I was always on your mind

How could I not?

-e.w.

My family and friends
Call me a grandma
Because I normally am asleep by 9
At the latest

But when my mind
Cant stop thinking
About you
And I have this stupid smile
Stuck on my face
From your jokes and
Telling me about all the things
I should stay alive for

My head just won't let me sleep
Because it's too busy
Trying to figure out how I got
So lucky.

-e.w.

I was 6
when my best friend  
left me sitting on the trampoline
as he ran to play with someone else
and I cried and
I was shattered

I was 10
when my parents told me
their marriage had run it's course
but things would
"stay the same"
but I quietly cried and
I was shattered

I was 13
when I first left a scar
on my own body,
hating who I had become
and as the blood dripped
I didn't cry but
I was shattered

I was 14
when my own mother
acted like our relationship had run it's course
and she kicked me out
and she never said sorry
and I tried not to cry but
I was shattered

I was 15
when I realized I was a different
because I liked the girl in my math class
who looked like she could make flowers grow
with her smile
and people told me it wasn't right
and "why me?" ran through my head
and I was scared
and I cried quietly and
I was shattered

Now I'm 16
and I've never had my first kiss
and all my friends run around kissing boys
like we're all gonna die tomorrow
and date guys for fun
just for something to do
and I wonder what's wrong with me
and I cry and
I'm shattered

I'm 16
and school doesn't come easy
like it used to
I was honor roll
and I skipped a grade
and I was a "star student"
because I knew how to make essays flow
and solve that simple math equation
or know the president's order
but my brain's fried
and all the motivation I had has disappeared without a trace
and my dad yells at me for my falling grades
and I don't cry but
I'm shattered

I'm 16
and I smile to avoid the constant
"are you okay?" and "what's wrong?"
because my head is such a mess
I don't even know what's wrong
as I dig a little deeper
and watch my skin drip red
and wonder where I went wrong
and I hold back tears and
I'm shattered

I'm 16
and I'm trying to be happy
I'm trying to be happy
I'm trying to be happy
and I can't cry and
I'm putting myself back together.

-e.w.

You liked me because I have blonde hair
and blue eyes that remind you of the ocean
"Stop it"
you repeated over and over because
when you looked at me
you got lost in my eyes

but I was never into you
in that way

but when we sat in my car
and just talked about everything
and anything
I thought for a second you could be real
and different

but a week later
I was shown the real you
the one who didn't want to talk to me anymore
because you only wanted
to **** me

but you were my friend
and you were the person
I could talk to
about anything
and everything

but I was just another girl
that you wanted to be
another notch in your bed post.

-e.w.

You had me
wrapped around your finger
but as you cracked your knuckles
ready to hit me one more time
with the anger filling your eyes
as mine filled with tears
I still held tighter
than I ever have before.

-e.w.

Falling for people I can't have
has kinda become a hobby of mine

either in the sense where
they'll never like me in that way
or where they're thousands of miles away

it's almost like my heart yearns
for the chance to be broken
or be ripped to shreds
by the inevitable that's yet to come

because I can't touch them,
or hold them,
or kiss them,
or mark them with a simple thing like
holding hands, saying
"this is mine
and I love it so"

Maybe I'm doomed forever
to want everything I can't have
or be stuck with all this love to give

but no one to give it to.

-e.w.

I'm always one
for running out of words to say
or forgetting how to speak
I want to be noticed
or listened to
someone to hear me out
with the blabbering that escapes my lips.
I'm always one
for being invisible
or fading into the back drop
because I never speak up
but I don't think anyone would care
anyway.
I'm always one
for craving attention
not the "center of the attention" attention
just the
"I'd care if you were gone" attention
but yet

I'm always one
to be forgotten.

-e.w.

Ever since you broke me,
ever since you said the things
a daughter should never
have to hear from her mother

I've grown numb

I walk around like I have a
titanium heart
and I never cry

But maybe my heart
is just too shattered to feel
and maybe I'm all out of tears

Have you ever thought of that?

-e.w.

it
scares
me
that
this
doesn't
hurt
yet.

-e.w.

We fought
and fought
thinking it was just
petty little fights
But you were different
than when we first met

Saying things like
"I would die if you ever left me"
or
"We're soulmates and we'll never
break up"

And hey,
months ago I was naive
and stupid
and thought maybe that was true

But you said
the nastiest things to me
Making me feel worse than I did
without you

Telling me
No one else would ever "stick around"
Telling me
I need help

I ended it
because I waited for an
apology
that never came

And maybe it's for the
best

Because I was never one for
forgiving
And you were never good with
apologies.

-e.w.

After almost a year
Of carrying around this
Weight
I came out to the two people
Who are closest to me

And now,
I think I'm the happiest
I've ever been

-e.w.

you told me
in order to keep your job
you would have to be out of town
every
other
week

do you realize how much that ripped me apart?
you're the only person I trust
or can rely on
and hasn't left me alone in this darkness

I know you need to do this
I do
but I swear it's tearing me apart
even more.

-e.w.

I talk on the phone with you
Every night

And I promise
There's not a day that goes by
That I don't miss you

-e.w.