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Emily Sep 2014
Feeling judged
Feeling down
Feeling like a silly clown
Feeling like my world is not and feeling like my soul is shot

Feeling tired
Feeling shy
Feeling like I don't know why
Feeling like I cannot see and feeling like they don't like me

Feeling cold
I feel an itch
Feeling like a worthless *****
Feeling like I'll never do everything I wanted to

Help me feel
Less alone
Cause I'm feeling pretty low
And I'm sick of feeling like I've failed my entire life
Emily Sep 2014
I still have dreams about you.*

You lit my entire soul on fire and walked away as it burned to ashes
Don't pretend like it wasn't your fault either,
because I'm not the kind to start fires

After years of waiting
I've finally opened my eyes
And I see now
exactly what your words are worth

Starting today,
I'm done with you
For the sake of my sanity,
I *have
to be done with you
I haven't listened to "Hey #3" in months
***** you
I loved that song
Emily Sep 2014
Someone has been churning butter in my stomach
And sometimes I wish to stab a knife into me and tear out this awful feeling
Because it happens daily
But more recently, it happens hourly
And the churning butter bends and twists my stomach out of place
And my heart loses oxygen hundreds of times a day
And my face goes pale with discomfort
And I can't put a cast on and sit out during gym class
It's not an injury
It's not a problem
It's not
a problem
It's
Not
A
Problem
It's just
How I live
And the churning butter
is what I live with daily
But more recently,
hourly
Emily Jun 2014
"The price of love is loss,
but still we pay."
And I'm afraid, my dear
That I've paid in full
For you see
I'm running out of things to lose.
Emily May 2014
In the end, his heart was at war
it was
                        PASSION
                                ­    vs.
                                   PERFECTION

And unfortunately for me
                                                       **Perfection was winning
Emily May 2014
The first suicide hit like a bullet

BANG

One of us dead, and at his own hand

The tension in the hallways filed into the ears of all those who walked
through its thick silence

It was a struggle to move through the heavy weight of a quiet hallway

People cried, whether they knew him or not

Teachers made promises,

“It’s worth it,” he said “I swear to you, it’s worth it.”

A moment of silence for the boy who is no longer living,

Whose hidden pain was known by none

Whose family will never be the same

Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary

The second suicide hit like a rock

THUNK

The hallways rang with growing confusion,

At every turn, each whisper faded into the next in a mirage of sadness

But mostly confusion

Letters were handed out, but there was no time for more tears and
speeches

They had postponed the moment of silence for the girl who is no longer living,

Whose hidden pain was known by none

Whose family will never be the same

Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary

The third suicide did not hit

SWOOSH

It was not silent anymore

There was laughing and talking, as the excitement of yesterday’s
football victory buzzed throughout noisy hallways

The letters were passed out late and no one read them

Teachers continued with their lesson plans

Students continued with their joke making and picture taking

Because people don’t have to keep caring after strike three

There was no moment of silence for the boy who is no longer living

Whose hidden pain was known by none

Whose family will never be the same

Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary



This is our dystopia
Emily Feb 2014
You want to find me at my worst?
Go back a few years, and find a fifteen-year-old nothing
With infinite depression and thoughts stuck on repeat,
playing the same suicide song over and over
As you watch her slowly transform her legs to scar tissue
Please tell her you've noticed she's not eating

You want to see me at my lowest?
Watch me lap up the blood after bathing in blades
When you search for the places that my mind visits so frequently
It will truly test a flexibility
that not everyone has

You want to know me at my core?
No, you don't
Curiosity is not the same as desire and
the darkness would only blind you
I'm too sweet to show you the type of insanity
most would cringe in disgust at
And honestly, at the end of the day, all I'm left with are notebooks and razors
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