I have made a mess of my soul.
It is calloused and ugly.
I have collected every heartbreak, every hurt.
I carry around my mother's trust issues, shackled to my ankles,
my father's tendency to fly off the handle
and regret.

The scars left behind by my past lovers are still aching
and I am small. I am an open wound.
My insides are spilling out; oh, what a mess I've made of my soul.
Nothing but an insecure girl, who once knew but now could not see; constantly looking for ways to remind herself of what she is not worth.

I am sorry that I ask why so often when you say that you love me.
It's just that, when you say it, my knees would shake with uncertainty,
my heart would ache with uncertainty
This isn't your fault. It's not that I don't trust you.
It's that I can't trust my heart enough to keep you.

I am sorry that this ruin of a soul is all I have to offer.
I know it is hard to love something so full of chaos,
please, I promise
I am trying my best to clean up the mess.

Never knew how to lift it.
Only knew that I felt it.
Black skies hung constantly,
clouds formed viciously over me.

Never knew how to walk right.
Only knew I didn't talk right.
Black moods ever present
and false thoughts never relented.

It's different now, though.
I feel a certain energy.
In me, I know I can go
anywhere, despite the lethargy.
Anything, despite the misery.
And all I did was
let go.

My heart breaks

From all the wishes I’ve made

Looking up at the stars

That never came true.

My voice shakes

I feel my knees trembling

And my hands shaking

As I look at you.

Across the room,

You sit in a table

Circled by friends

You’ve known for three days.

Across the room,

I isolate myself

Listening to music

Stuck in a daze.

Such beautiful girls,

You’re surrounded by.

They really know how to bump and grind.

Such different worlds,

We’d never collide.

A girl like me is hard to find.