feelings.
why do i feel so much
i can feel the drag as wind crashes toward me
but i can also feel into the
crevices of my metaphorical heart
why am i feeling
these emotions in apathy to the empathy
of a drudging drag from the burnt cinders of the cigarette
we are burning out
and yet we are not lit
the poison singes me
it is addictive
but the pain
oh the pain is wonderful
this masocistic sonata
lets the complex of the beaten child
stumble
holding together her life with tape
as she trembles
stealing back a sob
the knife in her throat
tearing at her dignity
you are in love
you are useless
you will die
tomorrow
today
never
you are afraid to die
the coward in life
sitting in the corner
feel helpless as the world lives without you
you are the fringe, torn paper of a tome
you have no story written for you
what can you do undirected
you are small
you are weak
the madness is cackling at you
how lonely is it
to be alive
the corner is dark
but the jaded world cannot be restrained
sit tirelessly and live
you have no control
you sit listening
you have no opinion
you are nothing
**** comes to you
your death is the pleasure of those who know you
laughter
it is the wine of celebration
there is no doubt
you are replaceable
you will be replaced by a better
you will be forgotten
no one cares to turn a cheek
no one wants pain
you feel a dreaded cold
you will welcome it
drag the silver
and bring crimson from its grave
punish your soul
you are stealing time from those around you
you are the burden kind people pity
they allow you there presence
you should grovel
no Stand
they dislike your inferior stance
be strong
No they do not want your voice.
you are selfish
speaking your mind
let the cracks deepen
there aches of nothingness deepen your pool of
pain. where is happiness.
happiness is a girl.
a girl who keeps her pain to herself
she is the embodiment of a devil.
temptress.
giving you the confection of love
it is painful to sit in her shadow but it is glorious.
you look to her
and her image makes your song warble
and her antics make you free from
the earth on your shoulder
yet you know she is dead
she is not alive
she has died long ago
her shell existing in the panes
atlas hands guiding her
she is fading
yet you will cling
you have tied your red strings to her
and butchered yourself with nails to keep her down from the lofty chants of silence.
your death bed is her
and you loathe her
you long for her
your love chases hate with a wag in his tail
how gleeful is death he calls
the tear of innocence is the price of a youth
and now you lie
shaken
ragged from her
and yet she is everything
the paradox of emotion
is the warp of wood and the rotten apples core
the gore of it all
it is full of mirth
fools are not in love
it is the realist that tumbles under its weight
you cannot box the feelings
or tell them what to do
trapped in the strings of a marionette
you are an automaton with a key held by her
and she will wind you up
wind you up,
wind you up,
to hear the same song, and see the same show
you cannot say no
you are lost
and numb
the lackluster in your eyes sings
sweet melodies of a mortition
and you will keep feeling
you will keep living
you will keep dying
you will keep
you will

I need to move on
I need to leave
I cannot stay in this poisonous sea
knowing you will never return to me
the love I gave away
You treat it like 96pence
and I need someone who will treat it like $100's
like they just won the ******* lotto
and they just dont know how to feel

My love cannot be the the tree that holds you up
when you are carving love notes into every sycamore and pine
Im just plain oak
I cant paint my leaves
and wear the perfume of flowers to keep you with me
you have to want to stay
Because I cant play this game.

I shouldn't need to be
your fall back in love.
The one you keep around to feel good
because I am tired
and if you want me around,
then you better start trying.
If you dont.
Then I will just have to start a fire
because my heart cannot shatter anymore than it already has.


I gave all I could
You were what I lived for
but I realize now,
That I would also **** myself over you.
You are the clay that molds my comedy and tragedy
and I am not some damsel in destress
because Alice
I am mad as ****

These walls of porcelain may be pretty
and I may be as fragile like a china doll
but that dosen't mean I wont fight.
I want to be someones light
who will keep them up at night.
I want to be the one on someones mind.
The person that they will see in the morning and smile for.
But most of all
I want to be loved

So love me or don't
I just need some hope
because I dont want to be hanging on this string
Im not a toy,
or some little boy
Im not going to wait forever.
Love you
I will.
A first love can ****.
But I think I can survive the fall

If I ever had a time machine
or something of the like.
I would travel back in time
to when you were maybe
seven or eight.
I would tell you things were going
to go down hill
I would tell you that you were going to cry.
That life would seem hopeless.
That your childlike dreams would die soon.

But I would also tell you that you'd grow.
You would grow to be so strong
like a eucalyptus tree.
So that no matter how many times you are burned;
you'd survive.
That you would want to **** yourself.
But  sweetie. That's okay.
Because living is what proves you're strong.
I'd tell you that through all this ****,
you'd have friends.
Yes, at some point they'd leave this
stupid island.
But that's alright.
They won't ever really be gone.
I'd tell you that one day we would be friends.
That I'd want to hold your hand.
And that you would talk to me about
a man.
Well men.
I'd tell you that I'd make mistakes
and that we'd hurt eachother.
But brothers stay true to the end.
Friends will always make mistakes.
The forest will always burn.
But it's our whole ecosystem that
holds us togeather.
So I hope you would do the same.
If you found a time machine,
and convince me of life and hope.

So, I picked You
some Flowers
to tell you some lines
it was a message from me
instead of stanzas
and rhymes

I wanted to convey
that I was sorry and blue
I wanted to say
Lets start our
Friendship Anew

I picked you Some
Flowers
They made a colored net
of words and phrases
That I had wished to send

You haven't forgave me
You tried to push me away
I wont ever give up
not till my dying day

You may have let my flowers
wilt and turn to dust
But I have not wilted
And fix this I must

You are my friend
and we all make mistakes
I wont let our friendship
fall to this wake
I forgave you
Now its time to let me
fix our mistakes
so Don't Forget Me
For I have picked you
"Forget me not's"

You know,
we give a little bit of ourselves
to everyone we know.
And we hope they will cherish it
and care for it
But the truth is they end up
abusing it.
That's why everyone is *******
And we all act crude
Because no matter what
We're killing each other everyday.

Loving you is like walking on broken glass
Shards sticking into my ****** skin
Memories of you
The pain of cuts for all the mistakes I made
And the blood as red as my searing desire

You are as scattered as the glass
But I am not glue

I'm air

So thin and brittle
Cold and harsh
But caring
I cannot melt you so your fixed
But I can hold you with my love
And keep you as well as I can

Don't tell me
My love is any less than fire
Or the sand and rock you come from
Cause each as the power to break and fix you

But only I can keep you firm
Holding you in assurance
And even in a broken state
I will caress you
My love
My shattered glass

3 days ago I cried for the first time in 5 months.
I felt a drop or two, as my body heaved in pain
and desperation.

I thought I forgot how to cry.
I thought that I had the ability to be stronger than that
Or that the veins that constricted
my deamons
Were indestructible.

I was wrong.
I can cry
And I can feel
But the feelings haven't changed from then
I feel weak.
I want my strength back
I don't want a constant tug at the back of my throat.
I broke.
I want to be fixed.