my body is 100% woman
all curves and no straight angles
full of grace and love
a pillow to hold

my body is 100% miracle
all strength and perseverance
awkward and unique
a frame to remember

even when it feels
full of shame
I still know it to be
extraordinary

we used to wear fishnets with shorts and
talk about God beneath the no smoking sign
we’d play made up games and watch Disney movies
cause it was ironic
made each other mixtapes on CDs
talked on the internet
sent each other emails
in the name of irony and being different

we wear ankle boots with jeans and
talk about politics over a beer
we travel and make mistakes
cause it fills us up
send each other poetry from youtube
facetime
tag each other in posts
in the name of keeping in touch
we’re no longer living down the street but
still together

I knocked and
You answered
You were always the answer
Maybe not always the right one
But I’ve always picked you so
Hopefully this time I’ll
Get things right

Maybe we won’t leave eachother
Again
Won’t have to say I miss you again or
Let’s catch up
Don’t wanna have to know more time without you in it

I've been trying to write away humiliation &
carve embarrassment out of my chest
but its hard to put emotion to paper when the boy that hurt you
won’t even tell you his last name

boy,
you lost the right to anonymity when you took me to bed &
used my first name like a curse word
like you yourself named me
boy,
you told me I’m still a hot little thing
as if I was worried bout what you thought in the first place

boy,
you told me it was best that I leave
told me maybe after we get to know each other we can try again
as if I was begging you for mercy
begging you to let me stay

boy,
not knowing you wasn’t the problem
knowing your touch,
your kiss
was the problem
you told me your story but
when I said that I do not even know your last name
you said its best that way
why are you hiding,
boy?

you asked what we are doing here
as if it weren’t already clear
you were really asking me bout what I am not doing

Boy,
I missed the signs
of you walking in front of me and waving me over
waving me out
of you kissing me like theres a timer around my neck
like there wasn't someone on the other side trying to kiss you back

boy,
I do not wish to see you again
If I see you I will tell you my last name

I spend hours trying to understand
why you still care
when I should address why I do, instead
I don't think bout you often anymore
But when I do, I think bout how i hope you can't get my smile out of your head, that you wonder how I am

But most days, I wish that you hit every red light on the way to class
that you forget your phone charger at home and your iphone dies halway through your three hour lecture,
on a Monday,
at 9 am

Some days, I hope that the left bud of your headphones break
that all your lays chips are crushed, even though the bag is all air and no potato

I rarely think of you, but when I do, I hope that you lose your last guitar pick
and your brother leaves your aux cord at home,
again

I hope that all of your mac and cheese is just a little to watery and that you lose all of your left socks

On the days I think of you, I wish you uneven laces
and rain on your birthday

I wish you a hole in the crotch your favorite pants and
the parking spot furthest from the entrance

I hope only radio commercials for tampons
and a brain freeze

I wish you forget the last page of your paper in the printer
I wish you forget me

I wish you lose my number
and hope you lose the desire to text me, again

cause maybe if you forget it will be easier for me too
and I won't have to wish you ****** noses and a really big hang nail anymore