When I think of you
I want to send praise to the heavens
I want to raise every mountain on this benevolent earth to the skies
Because it even for one second let me experience
The place you hold in it.

When I think of you
I want to rage at the heavens
I want to raze every mountain on this spiteful earth to the ground
Because it even for one second let you think
You had no place in it.

When I think of you
Lately
I seem to want a lot of things.

This morning
I dreamed
That you were nestled, crook of your self
In the very top end of my bunked bed, high and away
From everything and everyone in the room.
She was with you, and I remember
Being taken aback by how friendly you were
Giggling and chatting exchanging words through bright teeth
And uncomfortable close.
And then you kissed her
And I felt the cold, sinking inexcusably entitlement
Of betrayal.

Today
I Dreamed
That I was sitting with her by a small, rectangle pond
And I was talking to her.
And as she cooled, and sweetly, expectantly, almost apologetically, changed the subject,
I loosened my hair, and began to pull from the pond as it began to cloy and foamed
Handfuls, upon handfuls
Of knotted, used hair bands.
From all the times I had sat there before
And talked to her
About you.

Whenever you would catch wind
Of the swelling foolishness of my ridiculous heart

You would always inquire and hope I would tell you
Who I had allocated it to this time

Until I started yearning for you
And you started loving her.

It stings me in a vindictive, poisonous sort of way

That we were never mistaken for lovers

It’s like that one seed that we always would wish we never planted, and
god
am I weak now

that I cannot exhume its roots for theirs have spread too deep and
sometimes I wonder

whether that’s a good thing.

would I erode without you?

They say you bite when lost in beauty
So do I

Bite my fingers that is
Till they fray and gulf

The difference is I bite like a displaced animal
Trying to avoid an uncomfortable truth and you

Bite because you enjoy holding on.