now that poetry is carved into my skin
I got nothing to lose in this rain
writing on a white screen
soon I'll be able to pick up a pen
and write on a white piece of paper

I threw away years worth
poems and writing

now I see it's stuck inside me
there is no way out
it's a part of me now

maybe not in a journal
at least it's somewhere

and as i lay here, alone, smelling your shirt, i cry
i realize that just a week ago, a mere seven days you wrote of being in love with me and now you can't even text me back
i realize that you were my first love
i realize that i'll never get back what we had
i realize you gave everyone a second chance but now you can't even look me in my eyes
i realize i'll see you again and i don't know how to prevent my body from crumbling
i realize i can't erase the memories
the things we shared
the teddy bear
your kisses
your dumb laugh
your voice
your hands in my hair
it's all gone
and i realize i've lost yet another
while i can't help but feel as if i'm just another notch on your belt
im sorry
as i write that and repeat it in my head a million times
i realize that i'm used to taking responsibility for everything
so go ahead and point your finger if you want
as long as you realize my love for you was real
my care
my consideration
my tears
my smiles and laughter
but that's gone now, no happily ever after
another chapter closed off
lonelier now than ever
missing your love
as i'll never receive it again

i feel numb.
you told me, "beware for i do not think when i speak"
and i've tried so hard to pry my heart off of my sleeve
so i do not feel like it's breaking and start sprinting towards the door wanting to leave
i don't know who's pushing who farther away
yet we're still carelessly pushing, not knowing if we'll end up pushing too hard causing the other to not want to stay
this scares me
see you think i'm blind and deaf and unresponsive
yet, i've been where you are, with a longing heart realizing how conditional love is
everyone usually walks away so you start walking away first
once you're far enough away, you start building your wall
one brick of mommy and daddy issues here and there
assault
lies
abandonment
hurt
jealousy
and then you're satisfied that no one can get to you
but miserable because no one can get you
and you can't let that show so you try to make yourself believe that all is well and you're happy guarding your heart from everyone
but you're not
and i'm not
because you're guarding your heart from me
and i'm not asking for the key
but i'm asking for a window
where i can see inside
it can stay barred for a bit if that's what you'd like
enough for you to see the sunshine
and watch as i make countless efforts to chip away at those dumb bricks and replace them with love
hope
reassurance
but i don't know if that'll make a difference
so just know, i'm here
and that's not a lot
for i feel i am not enough for myself to carry on
but that's me, that's another poem, for another time
for right now, i'm talking about you, and how i crave for your numbness to go away... yet i sit, numb.

An innocent born into darkness,
A life unknown to be so graceless.
A world without colour,
This life like no other.

Below the depths of this flesh,
A girl lives craving new breath.
Stolen was her beating heart,
Given to loneliness, consumed as a withered spark.

The biggest dreams swim in her mind,
The longest amount of time goes by.
A slave to abuse, a slave to misery.
Will she escape from the chains to find victory?

Fortitude is what she seeks,
Peace and love is what she needs.
A life ready to begin and restart,
Her life ready to fight her way through the dark.

A journey has started, her journey awaits.
An adventure she'll recall,
has her saving grace.

“Arise” she screams,
“Arise and be...”
“Arise and be all that you dreamed!”

they always said writing would help
and it does
but i'm not talking to you
i'm facing a piece of paper
which starts me off somewhere...
so dear dad,
how have you been?
still sober?
still raising her children?
still blaming all of your life's misfortunes on me?
how am i doing?
i'm doing alright
i get sad at night
when i'm alone
and i think of all the things you've said
and then everything is piled up in my head and i can't hear anything but your voice
your coy, manipulative, voice
if only you would have known how wrong you were
when you said i'd never make it in the real world
or find somebody to love me
or be happy
you see, i listen to the songs we used to listen to in the car while i drive
but at least i'm driving
and when i lay in my girlfriend's arms i get scared of how vulnerable i'm being
but at least i don't have a wall up
and i still hurt myself in more ways than one
but at least it's not as bad as it was
and i still see your face when i look in the mirror
but at least i have individuality and i'm molding myself to be better than you
and i still think about the night that i was assaulted in your home, and i know you heard me scream "NO, NO, NO"
but at least i still have respect for myself
and i still ponder on the thought of ending my life whenever i remember you handing me your pocket knife
but at least i'm still alive
and i still think about when you said i'd never have friends and i'd be all alone once i was dead
but at least i make a social effort
while you don't speak to your children
and granted i don't make an effort to speak to you
but it's because you are wrong
in every thing you say
and in every thing you do
you are wrong
in the way that you laid your hands on me
or in the way that you watched as so many others did
you are wrong
in that i am alone
because i am not
you are wrong
in that i'll never find happiness
because for once in my miserable life i realize when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping
you are wrong
when you say that i'm going to hell for loving
because right now i feel like i'm in heaven
you are wrong
when you say that no one will ever love me like you
because i now know that a father doesn't treat me like you
but at least...
i know you are wrong
and that is all of the gratification that i need to be done with you and this letter
so i sign this saying, you are wrong, but at least... i am strong.
- Maxine

I write this with little force,

Autocorrect guiding my words;

Inhalers keeping this curse at bay,

Blades making blood flow.

I think of now with little hope,

Without a saving grace;

I think of now, a pitch-black room

With no one there but my demons.

Flurry of words seem to gush out of me,

As I hyperventilate;

Grief grows larger as they don't notice,

As these fingers grow numb.

I don't know how much I'll last,

Might as well collapse,

No matter how much I say I'll die,

I'll just live some time again.

But now it's worse.

You who goes by "Lonely"
Yes you, who reads these rhymes
Please pause here for a moment
I won't take much of your time

You see my friend, I'm lonely too
In the dark with paper and pen
So I'm writing you this poem
and signing it "Your Friend"

Though I'll prob'ly never see you
nor ever know your name
I do not need to see your face
nor know your cash and fame

I do not care what color you are
how short or tall or fat
I'm weary of all these parties and creeds
So, for a moment, forget all of that

Yes you, dear friend, forget with me
Inhale this moment serene
where we are not opinions or castes
Just two humans with two glowing screens

Be human with me, simple and pure
For a moment breathe deep and feel free
then should you have the time, and a halfway good rhyme
Perhaps write a poem for me.

Signed,
Your Friend