i remember when the trickling sound of rain frightened me; pattering against the windowpane in the dead of night like creaky fingers belonging to my fears.
first, they were the dark, and roller coasters with skittish tracks from old-timey days, and monsters under the bed with long arms waiting to wrap me into them.
those changed, quite how most everything does, into those of melancholy love, and unrequited love, and the constant worry of fairytale endings rattling in my mind until it turned into gunk and spewed out my ears, doing anything i can to get it out, out, out.
my dear, i await the days where there is nothing to be afraid of, though they may not come soon.
we are impatient beings not designed for the way the world works on its own; outside of who we are.
and yes, my fears remain, but no longer am i afraid of the rain.

wilting shadows weep for the company of night,
lacking comprehension they only exist where there's light.
but I know every detail you hide
cos I'm always by your side
You must be very curious to know
well, I'm only your shadow.

Hate is such a strong word.
Yet you show me plenty of it.
You first flash your gun.
In compensation to cut wages.
Yet you remember me.
How you should have listened.
A siren of power rung.
the hands that flashed adamantly "no, please don't."
You ignore my cry.
Covering me in the congress of actions seen.
I guess bad decisions in part.
Act first speak later.
My spirit shattered in false hope.
I put firm trust in the light that flashed from your badge.
Thinking to myself its all a mistake.
To think I was half right.
It's much easier to edit flim or tape.
The disguise worn scene to scene.
You were never held accountable for your word or action.
In a couple of months everything will be thrown out.
A face sagged in misery.
Treating me your very worse,
Refusing to see that your very belief is the problem.
I couldn't say a thing.
The claps of your sole echoing against concrete.
A new victim found.
No matter how fast you run,
Your disguise can never hide what you've done.
You fled the scene before my body dropped.

She squints her stubbornly sapphire eyes
            so she doesn't have to see
                        how sharp the edges of the world
                                    really are
She blasts music through earbuds
                        into her sensitive ears
                        even though it kills and burns
            so she doesn't have to hear
                        the truth about people
                                     or life
                                     or herself
She cuts scars in her soft skin
            that bleed the blaring music
            she forced into her head
                        so when they dry into scabs
            she won't have to feel
                        what dreams are really made of

Her eyes
            her ears
                        her skin
were a gift to her so that she might
see
            hear
                        feel
but the cruel, ugly world
is too much for her
            Why me?
                        she whispers
                        through hopeless tears and clenched teeth
            Why am I Chosen to see
                        the world
                        through the lens of raw reality?
She begs for
blindness
            deafness
                        no feeling
like the rest of them
It is too much for her
to be
truly

Aware

Still as I speak
She tears apart herself from within
Using her own hands
She prys apart all that she is
And in her mind
Such a battle is this

Make them cry.
Make then scream.
Let them produce a bucket of tears to add to the ocean that is her own.

Crazy.
Yes.
A mind that has to long wandered afar, aloof and alone; and been pushed through many things that should not be endured.

All at once she crumbles
And who cares for such a thing as rocks and ruin when they no longer are walls.
None.

So such is this, that she would die, to herself. For fear runs her over and she regresses into all that she has fought so long to be free from.

I have endured enough
For every battle I fight taxes me and I am spent
My pockets are empty and my mind much to full
So I relinquish to the night all that I am.

There she stood
In darkness
By the window of an upstairs room
Her silk robe slid from her shoulders
Shadowed her lines
And fell silently to the floor

There she stood
Bare
The faint moonlight illuminating
The milkiness of her protruding *******
Her slender curves and beating chest