Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Dia Mar 2013
Silent
Can I be silent?
Can I walk through a crowded room
Tugging down my long sleeves
Hoping no one sees what's under them?
Can I ignore their accusing stares?
Their sneering words?
Can I pretend to be who they want me to be?
Can I forget who I am?
Can I let them do what they want with me?
Mold me, shape me into who I am now.
An apathetic being
Passive, a wallflower hiding under the cover
Of a happy girl
But underneath I'm so
Silent.
Can I be silent?
Dia Jun 2014
It's an anxiety attack waiting to happen when I can't think of a witty way to say something unoriginal; something that everyone has heard before, but that just now occurred to me to say. I can feel my thoughts racing, my heartbeat speeding up to pump blood to my overreacting brain that's now thinking, "How the **** am I gonna get these feelings out, now?" I can't think of a cunning way to use a metaphor--one that I need to be able to put this pen to the page and call all these thoughts in my head poetry.
What is the meaning of poetry? I feel like I should have some kind of figurative language in here, but my brain is fried. I'm too numb to process a **** thing. I'm so numb that it physically hurts and that pain is all that I can feel. That and the burning of my eyes from lack of sleep. This isn't poetry. I don't know what this is--random words strung together by a writer who's falling asleep at the page, who doesn't even know what sense is at this point. It's a rant...it's a ramble. Sleepless ramble
I was writing this last night..."this morning" at 1am and I fell asleep while writing it. I woke up and found this so I decided to put it up.
Dia Oct 2013
I **** everything up
So,
I suggest you stay away
Dia Sep 2013
I'm out of breath
Panting like crazy
Got me wet
Nice and slippery baby

I can't think straight
My thoughts are jumbled
If you keep this up,
I'm bound to crumble

I can't form words
I'm left speechless
You got me pinned
As you pepper my body with sensual kisses

That **** body's got me quivering
That mischievous smile has my body shivering

Our bodies move  in sync
As sweat falls down in rivulets
My screams are silent but
They're louder than what you'd expect
I bite my lips to retain my sanity
The deeper you go,
The more you get out of me

I'm getting to my end
I'm out of control
All the sensations are taking their toll
A knowing smile, you can tell you've won
You made me tap out.
I'm done.
Dia Aug 2013
Yes, I love you,
But it's useless,
Kinda like me.
Dia Aug 2013
My pupils dilate as I take a pill
Will this one make me better or will it make me ill?
So many colors, so many brands
So many different effects all in the palms of my hands

Tablets and capsules all over the place
I'm exultant as if it's Christmas day
The intimidating part is the anxious wait
Wondering which sketch of me will be drawn today
Dia Aug 2013
The urge is back,
And I don’t know how to control it.
I want to give in
If only for a moment
To feel that sweet pain again
Then I’ll tell myself that this time, it’s the end
And I’ll say the same thing next time,
And when it happens again
Dia Dec 2013
The loudness inside my mind
Is preventing me from going to bed
It's hell--
Having to sit here while the words,
Pictures, music, faces and events
Whirl through your mind like a tornado.
There's a dark cloud trapped there, constantly raining on my mood.
Through it all, I sit,
Peaceful as if in the eye of the hurricane,
I sit and let my mind eat away at me and pretend that things are still alright
And hoping someone will see that they're not
Hoping someone will notice that I'm this close...
Dia Oct 2013
I don't want to live with these feelings anymore
I'd rather be dead than let these emotions eat me away to the core
I know I don't want to live, but I don't know if I'm sure.
Maybe I'll stick around a while...just a few days more.
Dia Jan 2014
Nobody was ever there for me when I broke down, but the razor was always in reach. I'm sorry.
Nobody ever sat there and listened to my problems, but the alcohol helped me drown them.
Nobody ever stayed up with me when I was having panic attacks, but the pills helped lull me to sleep, albeit a restless one.
I know that I'll need to let all of that go but they are always there for me in my times of need

But, truthfully, I think the only reason they don't abandon me like everyone else is because they're inanimate.
Dia Oct 2013
Monday morning, or Friday night.
I don't care what day it is—I'd rather not be alive
Dia Apr 2014
I let you slip through my fingers
Without thinking about the consequences
Here I am, missing you already
While someone else gets to call you baby and taste the words at the tip of your tongue
Is it too late to tell you that I'm sorry?
Is it too late to show I care about us?
I pushed you away but you had to have known how I felt about you
You had to have known that the care I held for you in me
Was so overwhelming that I just didn't know how to put it into words--so I never tried to.
But I did love you. I still love you
And I'm sorry that I feared your rejection so much that I never told you until we were through
Dia Sep 2013
You are lovely
You deserve more of me
Because your ways are so high above

You deserve more than what I can give you
Darling, I have far too many issues
To love you as you should be loved

You can wait for me to fix myself
Or you can find your interest in someone else
I'll leave it up to you, love
War
Dia Jan 2014
War
On our arms are etched the scars from the battle where our minds won
When the only army we had to fight it was our already weakened willpower
Dia May 2014
I don't care if he's perfect or not
I love him the way he is.
He may not think so,
But I know that all he has to offer
Is all that I need
I don't care if it's not much,
Because just having him call me Darlin'
Is enough
Just having him
Is enough

I want to tell him how much I care
But I'm afraid I'll become even more attached
And it'll break me when,
Like the ****-up I am,
I ruin this thing that's barely gotten the chance to start
And push him away and make him leave

And the sane part of me will just sit back
And watch me ruin this great thing
10:11pm last night. He was tweaked...wanted to OD and **** himself. I talked him out of it. This poem was kind of inspired by when he said "I have nothing to ******* offer you".
Dia Aug 2014
I used to reach for a spliff to numb the pain
Of when my chest started to ache
Or when my brain was about ready to explode
I'd drink until I couldn't remember my name
Just a quick shallow cut across my skin
Would lead to more and I'd be horrified to look at myself the next day

Now that that's all gone
What do I do when I'm choking on my tears at 4a.m. trying not to make a sound?
What do I do when the pain in my skull won't surrender to a couple aspirin?
What do I do when everything in my world is falling apart while everyone I know is sleeping...dreaming?

The voice in my head says
No one cares
And I'm beginning to think she's right
Wish I was numb
Dia Apr 2014
When we made out in my car
Did you mean it when you told me
That I'm perfect?
Were you lying when you told me
That I was the first girl you've ever cared enough for
To cuddle with?
Your kisses made me melt as if my insides were fire
Your hands on my waist—
The security I felt with you was indescribable.
I love being with you
You lure me out of my shell.
You make me feel as if I truly matter to you
Every time you allow me the taste of your lips
And I love that

But this is too good to be true...
Isn't it?
12:02a.m. Late night thoughts
Dia May 2013
I don't like to get personal, it always ends badly
Sadly, no one knows my secrets
I keep them well and I'll never tell them
Not even my best friends know who I am anymore
Who was I to begin with?
Dia Apr 2014
I want to cry; he's more than 500 miles away
That Class A drug is begging
To, once again, flow through his veins
And I can't do a ****** thing to help
Because I'm here and he's there and that's how it stays

He calls me baby and tells me not to cry,
But I just can't help it
I want to curl up in bed with him tonight
And help him through this. But I can't.

Babe, this *****.
***** when you can't help someone you care for through troubling times
Dia Sep 2013
Staring at the blinking cursor,
Waiting for inspiration,
But then I realize how
Unstimulating
My life really is

The blank page mocks me
As it slowly fills with meaningless words
That I don't even remember thinking
Let alone typing
Dia Sep 2013
We connected like puzzle pieces
But we took it too far too fast
I'm trying to straighten out the creases
I mean, it's not like we would last

The last thing I want to do is confuse you
To say yes, and continue to do
What we're doing and pretend it's okay, too.
But it's not. And I know I can't blame it on you
Dia Sep 2013
Your dominance shows like a beam of light
I can't contain myself though I try
Your loving just feels so right
Your cool fingers drawing circles on my thighs

Resistance is futile, I must submit
Sighing as we change positions; we're a perfect fit
Let me stay here with you—you're perfect

Fingers combing through your hair
As you whisper ***** secrets in my ear
The sun is coming up as we play our game of truth or dare
You whisper: stay in my arms right here

And I am more than pleased
To follow your instruction
Because I don't desire to leave
I am drawn by your seduction

— The End —