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Dia Feb 2015
3a.m. isn't a time where you should be staring at the razor
Wondering whether or not you want to throw away months of progress
For one night of relapse
It's a time where you should be lost in slumber,
Dreaming of the day your deepest desires become reality
Like I dream of the day I'll give someone my heart and they won't drop it like it's on fire,
And they won't watch it shatter and think stupid girl, it's your own fault

Please tell me why the **** I'm not good enough for anyone
There's got to be someone who can fall in love with my dark soul
My under-rested cynical brain
These hollow eyes that show nothing but misery and pain
There's got to be someone who can ******* handle my dark and twisted insides
Someone who'll see the worst in me and want me even more

Deep down, I know it won't happen
It's just a fleeting dream and I don't expect anything to come of it
It's 3:45 in the morning and I hate myself
Dia Jan 2015
Everyone's searching for something they can't find; wanting something they can't have. We're all stuck there, wondering what to do. Wondering if we'll ever find what we're looking for or get what we want. And then there are the times we realize that the answer is no and we stop searching, stop wanting, and come to grips with the fact that life is just not fair. It's a fault in human beings, thinking that everything has to go their way and that life has to be fair.

The scars on my arms have almost completely faded away. Is it strange that I feel a sense of loss? They were my company, my best friends. I could sit there and stare at them for hours, fascinated with how ****** up I'd become. But now they're leaving and I can either bring them back or find some new "friend" that will occupy my time and my mind. I'm not sure if I'm ready to let them go.

There's a post I saw on Tumblr that says "I'm sorry I gave you everything I had without making sure you wanted it." It reminds me of all the ******* in my past. It reminds me of you.

I'm not meant to fall in love or be loved. It seems I'm just destined for shallow infatuations and brief lust affairs. I'm wary of "forever"s because forever has always been measured in days, weeks, or months when it comes to me.

The worst part is that I can't blame anyone for leaving. No one in their right minds would want to deal with me.
My inner thoughts on my life thus far....
Dia Dec 2014
Things aren't the way they used to be
Used to have feelings but too many people ruined me
And I could blame them but it's clear to see
It's my fault. Should've never let them get near to me

Giving everything just to stay under the influence
Because I can't feel pain if I can't even feel my face
And I'm addicted to being numb and all the memories it can erase
I'm ****** up, yes, and I can't remember how I got that way
  Oct 2014 Dia
Andrew Durst
I didn't want to be lonely;
I just wanted to be alone.
And I know that sometimes
silence can be your best-friend,
but I needed something
so much more than that.
Now I'm stricken with this
this unsettling feeling that my
attempts at isolation have been
nothing but selfish-acts of
I need someone now
more than ever,
but I can't seem to admit
my need.
For you late-nite readers.
Dia Sep 2014
I give you my heart of glass, shattered
Would you take this heart that's bruised and battered?
I know you've got the tools to fix it
And for your love, I'm desperate
I need you like the oxygen we breathe,
Produce similar effects when you're taken away from me—choking on sadness, the lack of you leaves me unable to breathe
Maybe I'm too needy, but really, can you blame me?
It was in my worst moment that you said you would take me
You wanted me when no one else did
Loved me, replaced the things in me that were amiss
You gave me happiness, fixed my trust
Is it even possible to love you this much?
I'm so sorry for the times I doubt you, but you have to understand
It's rare in this life that I'm given the upper hand
So it's not your ability I'm doubting, trust me, it's me
I **** things up as you've clearly seen

I love you I love you I love you oh my God I love you
Those three words just aren't enough to express what I hold for you in my heart
Regardless, please accept them. They're all I have and they can express even an inkling of what I feel for you.

I want to wake up with you by my side every morning for the rest of my life,
Just being near you will suffice
Drawing circles on your skin while you lay still sleeping
And you looking at me with a lazy grin on your face when you wake up and see me—as if I'm the most beautiful thing
I want you so much and waiting to have you is torture
But I will wait until the day I can finally wrap my arms around you and kiss you hello
We have more ups and downs than Jupiter has moons. And it always leads back to this
  Sep 2014 Dia
I push you away
But I want you to stay.
I ruin every good thing in my life.
If I asked, would you stay with me tonight?
Dia Sep 2014
I deleted the poem you left me when you hacked in
I'm sorry I ruined our relationship once again
This is the second and final time you've broken up with me
It's time I just accept the defeat
I can't be who you want or what you need
I'm too ****** up for anybody
I'm sorry you wasted so much time with me
I feel like a complete ****-up
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