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Derekis May 2015
A stray homeless dog wanders this crumbling city.
It's heart held back by fear of failure.
Sniffing for survival, hungry and filthy.
Exiled by the pack, forever branded a traitor.

His bark echoes in these empty streets
the sound oblivious to unwilling ears.
All these shadows waiting for sin's release
living their life with cogless gears.

Resolution, broken.
Hope lost, unspoken.
I've let all of you down.
trying to keep my ego's crown.

I'm sorry.

Old sepia photos, nostalgia recalls.
Did I have to be sacrificed after all?
Life is now colors of orange and black.
Still, I wish to bring the rainbow back.

My own fragile little universe,
protecting it with loneliness.
Icy waterfalls in reverse,
preventing friendly caress.

Come and break it down for me.

These cold walls, high into endless sky.
A precise strike it's all it's gonna take.
Under desolation's weight, walls will break.
So we can finally see each other, eye to eye.

Finding solace in your caring arms,
hunger for hope in soulless eyes
feeling parched for penitence.
regret, my only sentence.

I only wanted to be a hero.

Teach me to care again,
my emotions have been wasted,
my smile is only painted,
my stone heart, my only gain.

Make me human again,
sweep me with your sympathy,
my demons, with your love, slain.
our purpose, realigned, in symmetry.

Come and break down with me

A river of pain will flow,
drowning in torrential tears,
as we review our existing fears,
safe from the scorn of our peers.

Let the despair wash through,
clearing the path in front of us,
let's walk this road, together,
A crossroad, to places ubiquitous.

----------------------------------- -
It's never too late to start being
that which we always could be.
We all want to save or be saved...
Derekis Apr 2015
Aside the step which sounds hollow..
Bringing the solitude that as a shadow follows,
stranded in deep thought with pain and focus,
in this spot, another self has been brought.

Forming amidst the dark recess of a suicidal mind,
Desperation and longing for an end, combined.
Ego finds death and rebirth in kind.
A hellish pact has been signed.

Letting go of the remainder of a failing life..
An unholy dark tool, a carving knife.
Motivation and purpose sparks from this new strife.
Who else can think of a more satisfying rise?

Waking up on the hospital bed,
everything seems so shallow.
Only the new being in my stead
understands what lies ahead.

Blue skies in its eyes..
Free from the lies..
It has won it's prize.
Derekis Apr 2015
Hello.

Again.

How long has it been?
since you took over my skin?
since you became my sin?
This sickness from within,
I'm sure you want my ending to begin.

Poison in my world,
a perfect place in hell,
inside a golden cell,
a story remains untold.

You want a special farewell
or something for my love to compel?
a destiny for your lies to quell
or a fate only God can foretell?

Do I have news for you..

I still remember how this path began.
A last broken vow, a final failed plan.
Invisibility your surprising shield
as you just concealed and disappeared.

Venom in your words,
a blight hidden inside,
corruption in your cards,
trust always denied.

Goodbye.

Again.
Derekis Apr 2015
Inside a synthetic fantasy,
running from love's fall,
experiencing artificial destiny
when my life came to a crawl.

True life outside self-prison walls,
I can feel my purpose originate,
just another illusion's thrall,
twin ideas self-replicate.

(Why cant I keep misery at bay?!)

A lone perpetual memory,
I was just not chosen.
Reliving ancient agony,
I'm so cold, forgotten.

All senses lie to me,
truth hides unspoken.
Delusions are all I see,
I feel my mind is broken.

(Why cant this go away?!)

Unlit candles melt away,
under a cruel dark sun.
Colors fade back to grey,
watching a sadistic rerun.

Inside a forgotten cage
my heart lies sprawled,
unwilling to re-engage,
to her, enthralled.

How can I hope to see a new day?
If my heart still lies frozen..
Derekis Apr 2015
Hoy me siento triste y despojado
me siento tan infeliz, tan desolado
no puedo creer que el destino me prohíba tenerte a mi lado.

Una tras otra, cada noche espero tu promesa
esperando a que me des una carta o un mensaje
pero en vano , por un momento contigo, mi alma reza
sin saber si en realidad tu piensas en mi,
sin saber si tu das el mas mínimo suspiro por mi ser o mi existencia.

Estoy solo, de nuevo, en esta noche de impotencia
preguntándole a mi corazón la razón de esta locura
que no me deja ni pensar ni vivir sin tu presencia.

Cada vez que me niegas tus amistosas palabras
siento como una daga mi pecho atraviesa
tan profundo y tan doloroso como unas tijeras
que cortan los lazos de mi amor hacia tu gentileza.

Las noche sin ti es un interminable tormento
sangra mi corazón herido y abierto
me siento tan solo sin ti, tan frió, tan muerto,
sin ti me quedo sin aliento
y con ganas de que este sea mi ultimo momento.

No puedo sacarte de mi pensamiento,
tan fuerte siento sobre ti que mi cuerpo sufre en silencio
por esa jugarreta del destino y mi intenso remordimiento
de no haber actuado antes y de haber perdido la oportunidad de ganar tu corazón y tu aprecio.

No sabes las ganas que tengo de oír tus palabras susurrarme en el oído,
aunque me llenes el alma con falsa esperanza
para que después esos sueños mueran en el olvido.

Tus recuerdos y tus fotos me lastiman el alma
al pensar que tus sonrisas yo no puedo experimentarlas
el dolor estará dentro de mi hasta el día en que tu te intereses en mi
o hasta el momento en que yo me olvide de ti..

En la ventana miro la cuidad muerta,
tan solitaria como mi alma que grita por tu cariño
pero tu solo le cierras la puerta
sin saber que lo único que quiero es cumplir mi destino.

He llevado mi sufrimiento a las calles de mi pensamiento
se ven como un paisaje desolado, tan frías y tan turbulentas,
al final de un callejón en mi mente veo como tu me huyes
y sufro al sentir como mis ojos se llenan de lagrimas sangrientas.

Tu silencio ha esculpido mi llanto
el viento frío que ha dejado mí aliento,
esta noche he querido llorarte,
pero solo he conseguido esperarte.

Tengo tantas ganas y deseos de llamarte
pero tengo tanto miedo de molestarte
y decirte que te quiero.

Si pudiera hacer que me entendieras
o que por un momento esta desesperación sintieras,
el sufrimiento que mi corazón experimenta
al sentir como el amor aumenta
pero la persona que se quiere ni siquiera lo enfrenta..

Tonto es el corazón,
que al saber que aunque no hay razón
sigue queriendo con tanta pasión
sin importar el dolor causado por el desamor.
I dont...
want to..
destroy life.  Remember...
I still believe♫
Derekis Apr 2015
I don't think I'll able to make it..
I can no longer see the way..
The eventual storm is coming..
Dark sinister clouds opaquing the day..

You don't understand..
I just want to be free
of your ever changing actions,
your chaos in my reality.

I willingly give up my time,
to harvest our shared memories.
But you treat my passion as a crime,
my heart raided, just empty treasuries.

As our entwined lives break apart
burning into pretty embers,
falling into the darkness..
I just want you to remember..

Our twisted tree has empty branches,
what love remains, a lonely leaf.
Your fire turned me to ashes,
the void you left me, my new belief.

Invisible as my reality might sound,
the empty promises are just drowned,
noisy jealousy and anger all around,
in my heart, a piercing, devastating wound.

I have just forsaken my fainting joy,
inside all these pointless word transactions.
I can't see past your weak reactions
reflected through my love towards you.

I don't want to destroy life
but when everything I see is a lie,
Asking the clouded sky with a tired sigh:
where can my trust come from?

When my blood can be seen spilled on the ground,
the only thing I need is enough time to grieve.
After countless betrayals, I feel my hope is bound
and I want to pretend that I can still believe..
in me..

I just have to make it..
Will I be able to turn this around?
I feel like it's almost over now,
but also that there is still a long way to go.
Derekis Mar 2015
I can't understand..
this event's chain reaction..
which has brought me to my knees.

The sound of waves below me,
implore me for my own release
and one more step would make me free..
but I'm just so afraid..

My concrete heart isn't beating
and it's heavy void is pulling me
towards the edge as I look down..

This hurt is for me to remember
that my hope, although run down,
will never put out your ember
even if, below this cliff, I drown.

but I..
don't..
want to..

surrender

to this pretender..

anymore..

The dawn's sunshine, isn't coming.
All alone in this starry darkness,
I know I cant accomplish what I swore..

For how long must I wait,
if I know something's wrong?
This waiting that I hate,
will **** me before long..

My suffering and screaming,
as I remember you leaving,
is being covered up by a smile
most vile..that I adore.

Tearing this heart out,
will be my last rejoice
and scattering my last doubt,
will be my final choice.

So when she comes back
bringing all her fears,
I wont be afraid of her tears
or that my heart could crack.

and I know, no matter what I do..
I need to learn how to let go..

Please fire..
born desire..
let it all burn..
so my heart can learn to love anew.

There wont be violence,
just silence..
and I know it'll hurt
more than any cut.

In this empty room we called ours,
there's no shadows, just old lies.
Leaving behind a pair of ruined towers,
a brilliant future in disguise.

but I still believe..
in the good in the bad.

and I will surely grieve,
the love that we once had..

One last thing I want to make clear,
before shedding any more tears,
I promise to never relive,
the pain that was done here.

After all..
I think I'm good to go..
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