Sometimes i just cant sleep.
My thoughts drive me up the wall and through a valley that i cant stand to go on
The pure thought of it alone makes me want to go to sleep and just never wake up again or be tortured by a thousand little needles poking at my feet
My thoughts always seem to eat me up
But at night it is usually the worst or when i am alone and the darkness of my life creeps in and tries to sweep me away into seeing the sad reality of everything i try to write off as a little bitty part that doesnt matter.
The sad reality that i always try to escape makes me want to put a bullet deep into my head bring all the voices to an end..
This is one of those nights
Even with the person I love most in the world sleeping next to me
The person who i have told the most to
I still feel lifes full force on me
Suffocating me
Pushing me deeper into the harsh belly of it's inside
My love is asleep and i am awake feeling all alone
feeling burned
feeling as if I am not good enough and never will be
Will life always feel like this for me

Broken hearts
Tear stained pillow cases and cheeks
Everything you do is wrong
Every breath you take is a sin
Your story shouldn't have been written
Your words you spit out
You must be a demon
Sent from hell
All you do is do wrong
You are so wrong
Yet so alive
Why?
You see a glimmer and then you see the brightness of a light you think it is mind uttering coming at you crashing into your heart it must be something big it must be good, life altering time changing you think! As it comes to you and sticks by your side slightly burning you from time to time you think this must be it the demon isn't alone anymore this feeling is slowly peeling away but then the light comes closer burning into your skin your body is weak your mind is sick of fighting you just want to sleep you want to touch the light but it winds up burning you when you do.. you love this light you love it so much that if you must burn yourself to keep close to it you will.. the light brings joy! The light makes you smile. you want to understand the light you want the light to understand you and stay by you.. it is so light yet so dark.. it brightens your worlds but you are so dark you start to think maybe it is me maybe I am the reason why it burns because I am a demon and it is a obviously an angel. Demons and angels can they excist side by side?

I wish
I wish
I knew who I am, What I could be, and who I was.
I feel so distant from myself
I feel as if I barely know myself
Who am I
What am I
Am I good or am I bad
What do I want to be?
Who do I want to be?
I ask these questions constantly
I still have not figured them out
I wonder if I ever will

The end is near
I feel it
It slaps me in the face with its
Rawness
I hear whispers gusting into my ears
screaming
telling me how near the end is
"The end is near!"
The whisper in the wind tell me
as if it is screaming
but oh so silent
nobody else can even hear
The sun and clouds drape over me
wrapping themselves around me
Holding my body closely
Telling me
"The end is near!"
I walk and walk and walk
Questioning myself the whole time
When Oh When
Will the end be here?
I am tiered
Tiered of not knowing
Tired of all the signs
Tired of everything screaming out to me
"The end is near!"