Break free

Why am I dead?

There goes some tears

Funeral to be had
inside my head.

Am I not me at all?

Give me the key

Open the door

Who's in here?

Tell me more.

Break ****.

Watch it burn.

Cry on ashes
in an urn.

I'm dead inside
and mourning
my soul.

Plug me up

and

Let me go.

Unzip my body.

and

split my brain.

I hate it here.

All existence

is pain.

Why can't you
love me?

You run after
somewhere else
to be

And

someone else
to see

But nothing
is gained

You only
end up
in pain.

Why can't I
love me?

I want to die.
But I don't
even try
to say
Goodbye.

Everything I've wished for
is at the door.

Knocking...

Ever so softly
longing
to be here

But I'm hiding away

My heart-shaped box is lost.

The key...
discarded.
One day I'm certain
of exactly what I want
Then, I awake
and change again.

I'm a walking contradiction.

My thoughts flip
like a switch.

I'm a recipe for disaster.

Oil and water,
Always repelling myself.

I'll escape far
away from here.

Away from the world,
Is all I've ever known.

But I'm not a bird.
I don't fly.

I'm grounded.
It's impossible.

But can my heart fly?
Can it be free?

Will someone protect it
and not break it?

I'm not so sure.

Poisoned by my fears,
Rejection is all I know

So, reject the world I will.

But I want to belong.

So, find the box.
Break it.
Destroy it.
And reveal to me
my truest self.

My surroundings
reflect
all of the
craziness
in my
mind.

Where do I start?

Where do I go?

How do I keep
my demons
under control?

Perhaps,
I should
put a noose
around their neck
and
pull tighter
every time
one takes over.

Because I want to thrive!

Who wants to be
lost in
the cage
that holds them?

I want to
articulate words together
in a
beautiful and eloquent way.

I want the world
to listen
as my thoughts
dance on paper.

Freedom
isn’t this
daily grind
society
forces us into…

But, alas!
We must work.  

We have to do something.

Don’t we?

We have
bills to pay
and
children to feed.

Should we
give up hope?

This is unfair!
And, yes.
I’m mad.
I am so…
Ugh!

I can’t find the words.  
Isn’t that typical?

A poet so lost
in thought
that their poetry
resembles a bowl of
alphabet soup
that
spilled onto the page…

Word *****---  that’s what it is.

But, what about this daily grind?

Society slaves
away
at corporations.

Is that my fate?  
Is that what I have to do?
  
Because God…
and
I only
use that as
an expression…

This is not what I want!
  
Do I really have to
slave away
at the bottom
of the pit
before pursuing
all of my dreams?
  
Do I need to
work jobs
that will only
leave me more
lifeless?
  
Oh, and by way…

Why would anyone
want me to
work for them?
  
I complain a lot,
but for good reasons.  

The world
is
cruel
and
unfair.

As children,
we are
full of life,
curiosity,
and joy.
  
Somewhere
down the line,
that changes.

We laugh.

We cry.

We sing.

We shout.  

We hurt.

We play.

We work.

and

We forget about ourselves.

We
become cynical
because of
our life experiences.

We’re told
we are special,
but then
we find others
who are more special.

How
are we
supposed to feel?  

How
could anyone be
happy with this?

And,
I feel like
I don’t make sense...
but
Dear Reader,
please forgive me.

I’m
a ball of
cotton candy
mixed with
a load of sprinkles
on top of a
cake.

I
know
that’s random.

You
don’t have to
tell me.
  
It’s the
thoughts
that came to
mind.

I’m silly.  

I’m serious.

I’m a curious child.  

I’m a cynical adult.

I’m full of empathy,
but
I’m also a face of misanthropy.

I’m a dreamer…
but I get
pulled down
to
Earth
too often.
  
I am light.  

I am dark.  

I am  
one part
“Yes, I can!”

and

one part
“No, I can’t…”

I am
the voice
that
screams within.
  
I am
The Contradicting Soul

and

I
will not fit
into
society’s mold.

There was
a time
I got called
"Sir"

And
unexpectedly so
I floated to
the top of
The World.

Why?

Why did that happen?

Don't say it.

The answer's
pricked me with
a sharp pin.

Everyone else
that knows
has poked at it.

But
I guess
this is what
you call
denial.

Euphoria comes.

But
I stuff it down.
Try to forget.

Then
I accuse myself
of not knowing
who I Am.

When really,
I'm afraid
of the answer.

Of what it means
and
being wrong

But
maybe I shouldn't
give a ****.

What if
this is
the thing
I need to do?

What if
this is
My Path
to being strong?