When you take a step outside
And you're hit with the force of inspiration
It makes you feel like you fell off a swing
And landed on your back
    but in a good way
Beautiful and exciting
A break in the clouds
Isn't just that - it's a turtle, or a boat, or a dragon, or a dress
You're filled with inspiration
Imagination
And you see
That elm tree growing in front of the building
Becomes alive
He speaks, he thrives
Each leaf giving the air a high-five
Happy to just be
The elm tree across the street

A sitar sings
Her notes carried on the wind
Like cactus seeds
I brew the roots
And drink the juice
Of desert dreams

Each cup is filled
And cold toes are warmed
By little spills
My hands are scorched
Dunes are grabbing my ankles
And pulling me forward

To the cross-legged drums
They sound like water droplets
Each beat flows
In a pool of stone
Caressing the ears of cicadas
as their legs pierce the heat
of the hailed sun

Paintbrushes and bulldozers
Canvas and land
Creativity and destruction
Each done with mans' hand

I'm pretty sure all poetry has left me.
As if it just packed up and hit the road.
Like my words no longer dance or sing.
Like they have forgotten all melodies.
Assimilated tone deafness.
Compound letdowns retract vulnerabilities.
Brick walls and leather skin replace possibilities.
Reckless love and whimsical fantasies,
Replaced by ***** diapers and piles of laundry.
Consonants and vowels blend to mush.
Aches and accomplishments are one in the same.
All of my agony has turned to apathy,
And I wonder.
How could I let poetry walk away from me?
How have I become so broken that I can no longer write?
Words have no ability to woe me.
Vocabulary is no longer my saving grace.
Void of creativity.
Like somehow life has gotten too messy for me to express.
Series of catastrophes and celebrations run together.
And I feel lost.
And I feel blessed.
But oh so empty.
Poetry come back to me.

They say the eyes are windows to our souls
But that can't be true
I have always begged for you to look at me
and see how empty this hollow body is
I refused to blink on days we needed to talk
Terrified that I might miss out on the important little things
But you always had a way to hide
You always needed to hide
You never felt safe around me
My eyes are as black as the skies on days we sleep feeling unwanted
And waking up without anything to prove that wrong
Empty-handed I leave my clothes on the floor
Pick myself up and just breathe in the last hint of you in the air
It punches my gut, right to the bone
We were crashing, spiralling down to the end
You have planted bombs on my eyelids
Waiting for the 3, 2, 1 and the explosion
But you never bothered to understand the ticking
I have this enormous world inside me you refuse to even glance at
My eyes hold the stars in the sky like they are the only thing I can love
But you always found a way out
You touched my hand without looking at me
I was sure then you were only there for the chase
You liked chasing but whenever I stopped you kept on running
I could plant bruises on your arms with my eyes wide open
But you had your way of making me close my eyes in disdain
I have the whole world inside me
You clawed your way in, trying to let it all out for the world to see
But you left it naked and lost, a million pieces on my hand
My eyes are yours to have and to hold
But still, I can never understand for the life of me
How you can look at me without our history haunting you
It never leaves me alone
I let you see the ocean of promises in my eyes
You were there to hold the anchor to help you sink
But you always refused the drowning
You hesitated every time I asked you to swim
But the shore scared you as much as the waves made you stutter

Your photo still comes up on my phone sometimes-- do I want to talk to you?
Well of course I do.
But I'm not sure the person I used to talk to so candidly even exists anymore.

I've had a lot of people vanish behind their own eyes,
Victims, lost causes, lost and never found-
Send out the search lights and dredge the lakes:
They aren't coming back home.
I've known a lot of vanished, lonely souls
People who give up the good fight and jump from the bridges of their ribcages
And fall.

And Fall.

They hollow out, shallow and craven,
Just the skin and bones of something that used to be
A universe
But was too afraid.

You don't have to be God's favorite
To dive from heaven.
Not when you carry it within your kindness
Not when your words are light
And your fingers make piano keys ache for them.
You can fall
With your feet on the ground, my friend.
You can cast off grace because
It's just too hard to be
Loved.
You fall
Every time you are cruel
Because
Cruelty doesn't live in you
If you don't give it a home-
I've said it before, you are of the earth,
And the earth is never cruel.
It is brutal, it is wild, it is tumultuous
But it
Is never
Cruel.

When your photo comes up,
I look close,
Although it hurts.
I search your eyes for cowardice.
And maybe I just love you
But I never find any.
I find certainty.
And maybe that is worse.
Maybe the certainty that alone is better
Is more despicable than weakness of character, more damaging than fear.
Maybe fangs, when used to fend off every touch,
Are more foolish
Than tears ever could be.

If our Universe were laid out flat
With many others
How would we interact
In a beautiful multiverse
Maybe the gravities would merge
Intertwined in a way
Maybe our thoughts of tomorrow
Would be there today
Would we be a layer
In a celestial cake
Or a player
In a space-ruled game