long night longing
what was, again
new beginnings
again
the train had stopped
got off to ponder in past obsessions
didn't know if they were healthy or not
but I dont think any of them are
a journey of steps impossible to take back
new loves with no special spark
i tend to think i've felt it all
that's what you made it seem like
how we created our past with nothing new to witness
at least that's how it seems
messages evaporated into thin ******* air
meaning nothing but everything to me
another night
longing for chances I can't even see anymore
longing for moments i'll never feel again
gone
gone
gone
like the wind that passes
old photos
still moments
i can't remember them all but i was grateful
filled with joy, nothing to regret
moments i can't seem to remember but will never forget
thank you
for caring for me
"me"
if there ever was one
an illusion to fall for
false hopes all along
because they should've never existed
i should've never hoped either
let me tell you the time
4:42 am
my eyes are droopy
my body
restless
thinking about this poem
more and more to express about someting that has died
an effect i can't ignore
something to remember
everything was once okay
and although, ultimately
everything still is
it would be better with you, by my side
darling
always
thinking about you behind emotion filled moments

Skewed vision when I followed the cynosure//
Beam balancing
Can’t hold my own sometimes//
Made up characters to separate my thoughts from “myself”//
Split my cares in eights//
Off with the indecision//
Fall asleep as soon as the tears hit the pillow//
Head up, delusional//
Unparagoned//
So I think
Perception shields the egomaniac residing in me//
I make it seem as if so, but really with my intentions, I’ll never know how things will play out//
Misterpretating will be my end//
With no one to truly seek, I play with the inconsistencies.... so what about guilt?//
My character doesn’t mind the idiosyncrasies I portray... I do it for the show
Merging with the relentless and the glorious
It ***** to be Sweet, bittersweet//

Waking up in valorous conduct/
aware of my impetuous commitments/
I long for awakenings when my eyes seem to be open/
Misinterpreting a reality I can’t untangle/
Trying to bring about the moments that brought me most happiness by force/
Valiant to go against my deepest rejections/
Alone in the moments we belong together in/
To think my art was stymied by your love/
Selfish me, couldn’t see it took a selfless “Sweet” to redeem our forever ever after/
         (Interruptions from the tip of my ego)
(Getting the best of my fragility, I’m not tough)
In shambles after processing what once was, actually was/
Questioning the will my mental grip strength had during changes I never wanted to face/
Your love, like pummeling fists dodged my ignorance/
Careless and regretful, the silence is filled with what “was”/
Ashamed, but perhaps a benison in development.... through the pain/

Practice “my” traits
Allow the knowledge to flow
I make my food
Servings of protein
Driving alone
Up and about to nowhere
My days seem endless
Distant in my room
Awaken when I see myself perform my life
But is life everything and everyone if we’re all reflections of ourselves

Performing this experience in the now... we are the crowd and dancers

I am you
But my thoughts conquer and the surface is all I see
My ego doesn’t understand
I want to love it so that it shrinks

I’m full from my meal
I miss Sabrina, my dear friend
I’m on this journey, and you’re still in it too somehow
Beauty is when the mind ends
When you just are with what’s infront of you

Cultivating in this state of loneliness

Collecting information
Input
Output
I don’t want to work tonight
The people will dance to the music
I’ll dance to our lives
But still playing my role
Shake my head right
Security
Whatever

Everything is happening in one moment
Sometimes it’s
:/
Sometimes it’s
:)
You know
Either or... it still is... “is”

When it all collapses, your spine tingles
I love my family
I love myself more these days, but it’s hard
My thoughts fall into the processors
Some seem to be “important”
I’m practicing my life
I’m experiencing it all in one
In one breath
I shift in and out
But it’s always there
Either way, I cherish the emotions
The downfalls
The glory moments

I come back to myself
I come to back to all
Behind the curtains
Behind the show
Behind the producers
Behind the mind
Underneath it all
In peace
Dancing in the stillness of it all
So much to think
They come and go
But some are part of me, they are stitched into my mind
I’m going to drink some coffee
This one is everywhere
But inside me
“Meeeee”
I miss myself sometimes
But I’m wrong to
This is fresh
I’m getting used to the handles of this acceptance
A follicle in an ocean
Vessels of ideas walking the earth, ******* each other

Out of place
Out of lane
Life in vain
Observe the pain
Regain my “self” to seek a “self”
Loss of love, lots of doubt
Gain some love, bend some time
Act so cool, create visual ***
Generate from the nothingness
Feel some type of way
There’s no way I can regret
Why should I think about something that’s dead?
I didn’t plan on walking the stage
I do it for my mom, I do it for my dad
And the people that’ll meet
I’m grateful for the insights, I’m lonesome without the help
Some of the most random situations pull me out of hell
This character will lose his mind one day, if there was actually a mind to actualize
It doesn’t hurt to leave
Leaving behind what’s not meant to be
But how do we know without any effort?
It’s the morning
I hope to see you soon
3 weeks ago, I couldn’t look at myself for more than 10 seconds
But I live in a world full of reflection
I don’t sense myself looking at the mirror
Formless forms
I’m ******* myself with unreasonable neglect
My goatee is thick this morning
I’m about to use one of my moms new razors
There’s all and not much to talk about
It sounds crazier when we speak it though
The simplicity of the complex
The complexity of the simplicity
I’ve been sitting on this toilet for too long
Goodmorning world
It’s about the approach
Ugh
7:58am