And so I sit
Among addictions and distractions
A constant influx of filth flowing in
Demanding attention, to have someone
Someone forced to listen

To smile at them
Tears creeping down cheeks
My fingers ripping my mouth open
Forming a bright wide smile
For all to beyond

The filth shouting at me
Blaming me for their choices
Screaming as if I am their puppet master
Begging for me to take control
But do nothing differently

My eyes as bright as ever
Looking ever so promising
providing a future, 5 more minutes
However, don't look down please
Below lies a ****** mess of tissue

An instrument once used for deception
Speaking broken promises, actions never to come
But once pure, speaking beauties and tales of wonder
Now sits as a rotten reminder of itself
Skin missing, teeth visible, and still smiling

There's a promise given at birth
A word to describe a generation
To give you purpose in life
A phrase to live for

To Tame
God's Promise
Eternal Life
A Friend,An Ally

All meaningless in the face of heartbreak
A pain in the chest
A suffocation as akin to drowning
A wanting lust, in need of love

I followed you all
Through pain, through terrible thoughts
Calling your name from a roof top
Begging for five more minutes

A giant mistake, each and every one
All better off without me
All moving to a brighter future
A world where I was better

Where I loved without resolve
Felt without resistance
And did, without overthinking
If only I had chosen this life

We cant go on doing this
Being selfish and apologizing
Sounding like a broken record
On repeat for those who care to listen

A wise man once said
Am I ever on her mind
Like she's on mine
I'm a fool for her

I was so young girl
I could have done better
We don't feel nothing at all
There's no remorse, just regret

Heaven help me
I fell in love
With your smile
Wanting a life with you alone

Everybody Changed
Right before me
Leaving me behind
Desiring life, happiness

A bottle of stars
Unmaintainable
A imaginary world
Time to wake up

.

Demands from every direction
Distractions no longer prolong the pain
Every hobby a pain pill
A tolerance so high
To fly a failure
To fall a certainty

People want this, want that
"Where is mine, where is mine"
To each piece of addiction I sell
A stain of blood appears to grow within
Young souls decomposing
Poison sold as flavored attractions

An unformulated poem written
As other glass keeps my chest warm
One thought circulating a lost mind
A metallic pain pill
Warming a cold heart
Numbness a lust

Music my heroine
Lost in movement
Strange beauties around me
Each one a new love story
A night of pure dopamine
A moment to last forever

A lover never forgotten
No promises, no commitments
All thrown away for a smile
Save your pain for later
Dont bother with your issues
F*ck you, Let go

A hallway of memories
Laid out in front of me
As clear the human condition
Each one a pain stuck in tragedy
Screaming out to me demanding an end
Chasing dreams of satisfaction

My love, my life
bound by mind, lust and blood
You a toxic ****
Me, a forest infested

You eat my heart out my chest
I watch you cut it out
Spice it with passion and meaning
and put it back,
clean knife marks dressing it

She touches her lips to mine
As soft as possible,
Placing her hands around my neck.
I feel the rough itch of rope
The tightness I crave
The sudden lunge down, a crack

This will get brutal, if im being honest
She whispers in my ear,
Kissing my ear lobe
Biting it off,
Leaning up, smiling
Blood running down her mouth and neck
Spitting it out

My lovers in a closet
Stuffed into bags,
the stench covered
by the smell of loyalty
My one and only
Lies in a bath of blood
Maintaining her beauty,
only for me.

Harmony and peace
is all I take away
The beauty I see
is a masterpiece at work
Art being composed
Like drinking aged whisky watching the world end
The freedom, the peace, all finality

She pears to me
The look of purity
A creature in its natural form
Bathing in its habitat
Waiting for prey,
Or a mate
Something to love, to eat...

I stand in awe
dropping my dignity
Kissing her blood soaked mouth,
blood covering my hands,
the Warmth enclosing my body
Her eyes show me a path
A path I dont want but cant resist,
I want her...

I know not what I am
Nor why I’m here
Or where I’m supposed to be.

I think of all the things
I could be, things I should be
Like staring into an abyss.

I could..
Fly, be happy, have love
All these staring back at me

I should..
Make a life, grow up, get old
But they too lie in the abyss

The freedom to pick either.
To be what one could be,
To be what one should be

Freedom presents anxiety
Anxiety creates dizziness
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom

The abyss stares back
The thickening blackness
Swallowing me slowly


Promising me
The view from halfway down
The peace behind the dark

Entering the door
Leading me into the future
No promises

The blackness rolls over
I wake up watching
Seeing me, an empty head

A last torment
The blackness waiting to guide me
Leaving me to watch

On a cold rainy night
The streets are walked
Not by me, nor by you
But by death itself
Watching over all

Death peers through windows
Into the homes, into the lives
Of people going about life
Kids, families, lovers
Seeking out company

Company to fill lonely nights
Down in hell, where screams rule
Not out of pain, nor loss
But how cruel life was to give them hope
Hope that good things last forever

But death stops and looks into a window
And tears fall down its face
As he sees a happy family
Knowing what’s to come
The pain of grieving parents.

Theres a pretty young girl
Watching me, seeing me
Those eyes put galaxies to shame
Makes me wanna be a better me
Theres no limits with her

She's doing pretty young things
All new to me, scary to me
Never felt like this before
She's got what I need
Hope I got what she needs

It's like living in a love movie
Hopefully we'll meet in the end
I'll kiss her in the rain
She'll wrap her arms around me
And we'll go off into the sunset

She's the girl from the songs
The one knights fight for
Whose beauty can't be measured in a poem
My heart is heavier because of you
You keep me down to Earth

Her glance turns away from me
Away from the crowd I'm in
The camares go off, the screen goes black
The light hits like a electric shock
That's all it seems be to...

I'm never alone
Just taking my time
Theres more than me in my mind
Feeling like my life isn't mine

Time to head outside for once
I don't even know why
Theres things out there
Walking on two legs

Screaming at me, looking at me
Do this, do that
Go here, go there
Cant be myself, gotta blend in

I'm never alone
Just taking my time
Theres more than me in my mind
Feeling like my life isn't mine

I don't wanna be alive
I just go right now
Go into the sky one day
Where I'll learn to fly

Oh dear, whyd feel like this
Come here, right now
Let me hold you, kiss you
Keep you safe forever in my arms

I'm never alone
Just taking my time
Theres more than me in my mind
Feeling like my life isn't mine

And it's the first kiss after a heartbreak
The first breathe after drowning
Being alive, being here right now
Don't leave right now

Love is a prize, a privilege
Its anything you can imagine
But it feels the same
Like this here, this second

I wanna be alive
I finally wanna be alive
Just never let go, never let go
We'll be alive, we'll be alive

Is there even such a thing
To which I touch my sweet tooth
A last everlasting hope
Of a heaven once seen in great stories

A shivery wine
Tastes of which grant satisfaction
Flowing over and beyond
To which cleanses and renews

Creating new and opportune
A strong ******* overture
Filled with warmth and love
Allowing life I meaning unseen

Perceiving a view from halfway down
After ongoing trials and challenges
A last burning failure, a pain, a meaninglessness
From the palette of the Grim's tongue purify

When you arrive in hell
And seem confused
Come find me
I'll remind you why you there
And what's waiting for you

In a field you'll find yourself
Never ending gardens ahead
Animals all around
No hate, no violence, no inequality
But paradise
A place to be free
A new life ongoing, for eternity
An afterlife worth all the pain of life past
And so you'll live, in a beautiful peace
Until a wounded fox walks to your feet
From then decay sets in
The gardens will burn
The animals will perish
The green grass will turn to thorns
Everything will die
Non stoping for eternity
Happening again and again
Escape brings more life to die
And there I'll be watching as you helplessly
suffer
I'll offer no kindness or comfort
I'll simply stand there
Beating me to death will cause two more to appear
The hydra of your hell
And at the end of eternity
All there'll be a death and a field full of me standing there
Going on and on...

Drag me to my peers
In my own chains
Virgins blood covers my hands
My fangs dripping
Peasants dare stare at me
Their loved ones decorate my walls

'To them I was God,
The devil,
And evil incarnate.'
How sweet thou baths were
Blood keeping my beauty
Imperfect filth creating Eden

Blood refilling me like water
Flesh feeding my soul and mind
My eyes fixed on my degenerate judge
Like a tiger held by a chain
Ready to stick, straight for the jugular
A rainfall of blood cleansing my sins

Held accountable for being human
Acting on human nature, pure instinct
A predator going for prey
The strong eating the weak
Nature herself at work,
Cruelty and pain being my determination

An unintelligible society condemns me to a cell
To afraid to take my head as theirs,
Or my body as their *****
Status carries on through horrific circumstance
Men too afraid by my hands
Woman too cowardice to reclaim their daughters

Their bodies now feed the flowers by my castle
Six hundred plus as compost and wolf ****
All my play things, my toys
As I rot in a cell, they rot in hell
One name haunting them still,
'The Blood Countess'

If I appeared before you in flames
Would you put them out?
Or would you feed your soul
With my burning skin
As it falls from my bones.

You'd kiss me and tell me
"I love you"
Before abandoning me alone in the dark
Left alone to be eaten by the demons you left behind
Watching it happen from your moral high ground

You are a predator playing the prey
A creature feeding on souls to feed your empty one
A horror of Lovecraftian scale,
Bringing any person to their knees in tears
Breaking them down and taking pleasure from each second

You magnetic personality drawing people in
Like lambs to the slaughter
Me a fool among many
Slowly being grinded away inch by inch
Your smile illuminating my last moments

And after being broken piece by piece
My soul pouring out of me,
Like blood from my throat
You'd cup your hands
And drink from my pain to refill your heart

Joke was on me
A free man
Born a king
Died a slave

I was looking at the sky
My hands over my eyes
My head bend down
Thinking about what I said

Jokes on me
Which got everyone laughing
When I started to cry
Until I tried laughing


I died
Everyone started living
But the funny part
The joke was on me

Just to be fair
I don't really care
Life ain't that rare

If you can bare it
I can't
If you can do it
I can't

**** all these people that feed me lies
All they can do is despise
I'm still waiting to receive my prize

Hope they end up where I ain't
Cause all they see is I'm doing well
But I can sell that so well, mean time I'm in a cell

I ain't part of a comunity,
I've still got my social virginity

A pure flower in the wind,
taken in by smog and chemicals.

An angel of darkness,
destroyed by earthly woes.

The secret love of my life,
now the thing I detest.

A delicious dish of food,
now a plate of cockroaches.

A strong tree leaning on her own,
now dependant on another.

A sight once seen as perfect,
I now puke at the very thought.

A taste so sweet and rare,
ash in my mouth and stomach.

Liptea be thy secret,
pain be thy end.

If thy purity can't be so or mine,
in the ground belongs thyself.

I see my future as clear as my past.
Placed before me like a yellow brick road.
Unable to stray or turn back.
Stuck on a collision course with my own destiny.

I left happiness behind in the desert of down under.
Alone on a sunset cliff side awaiting a first kiss.
I stare back with a sad smile and black eyes.
Laughing being all I have left to do.

Laughing so hard I cry at life and it's changes.
Those I've left behind follow me on the yellow brick road.
With good reason they keep their distance,
Knowing what I am and what I'm capable of...

We did it, we finally really did it,
we blew it up.
The clock stops ticking as the silence of
electricity runs through it.
Monsters of industry stop at the hand
of a symbolic clock.

Conflict from the East and West
has brought Armageddon to our door.
A confident young leader of the East
and an arrogant business man of the West,
helped by a horseman of the North
have by their hand taken mankind to the stone age.

Instruments of peace are built to send a message
of hate, fear and promise of destruction.
Instruments once used in a final and unforgettable
effort for peace in sleeker times.
Not having learnt from two examples
we march onwards into Judgement Day.

The young Leader from the East now sits
scared, retreating into his power and dead vision.
The confidence now sits with the West as they
enter the East, coming to claim what they can.
The deck is played with one last final card in
the hands of the East, a regretful one.

Ten plus five places are to experience the
beginning of the end first.
The last card is played,
the last card mankind will ever play.
Metropolis goes silent in an instead,
civilization turns to somber ashes.

Words in whispers are spoken in
loss, desperation, pain and remembrance.
As the former things of the world
have passed away into ashes and particles.
A psychological hell land lays ahead as
men with sticks and stones approach.

"I will always think of you
I see your face when each day’s through
and days go past oh so fast but memories, they last

Summer Winter Year by Year
I’ll hear the song Inside my ear
Trying to restart
That’d be smart
The thoughts of you haunt my heart
No I don’t want to be alone now
Just bidding my time
I need somebody dearly
And darling you’d be sublime
Spring and Autumn Up and down
I keep trying to escape this town
And I just might I’ll take flight
Maybe tomorrow, not tonight"

Is it not truly dissapointing to watch
someone fail to live up to what you know
they are capable of?
Someone with such potential but they don't use it.

There was a pupil, and this pupil wanted to do something
everyone told him he'd fail at.
But he did it anyway, and for a brief while he felt as if he was home.
As if he had finally found life and his part in it.

He was told that he had talent, that he stood out from the rest.
Someone he greatly admired said this to him infront of his fellow pupils. He was happy.
His purpose felt firmly established.

Months later the pupil fell into a darl place, slowly losing his love
for what he thought he loved.
Lost in a world he thought he figured out, walking through a dark tunnel, looking for a place to sit rather than an exit.

He looked back on what was told to him, that he had talent.
That he was special... he realised something.
Just because someone doesn't fit in, does not mean they
special.

The pupil sat writing about his feelings, and a lite spark came back,
a spark no larger than the first morning light.
Realising what he loved will be there for him,
however he can't be there for it as not to ruin it.

"No one would have believed in the early years of the 21st century
that our world was being watched
by intelligences far greater than our own;
that as men busied themselves about their various concerns,
'they' observed and studied,
the way a man with a microscope might scrutinize the creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.
With infinite complacency, men went to and fro about the globe, confident of our empire over this world.
Yet across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes and slowly, and surely, drew their plans against us."

"I'll do it tomorrow"

A common thing we say to avoid doing
What we need to now.

This applies to what we love as well.
Having plenty of time to do what we want
Can be a bad thing.

Time can defeat our passion and make us
Comfortable in a life and procrastination
And relaxation.
A trap one does not escape easily.

Passion comes from a moment's thought.
An idea that if thought over can be ruined or
Stored away.
Comfortable situations never led to good ideas.

I have raised you since a baby
Loved you more than anything else
Helped you in times of stress
Dedicated myself to you

But it wasn't enough
Im here without you now
Without your personality to lighting up my life

You are the best friend I've ever had
I can't accept that you gone
Passed on to another life
A place where you will be happier

I miss you my child
Please come back, come back home
Being here without you is soul shattering
And I can't do it anymore

I used to rule the world,
Had dreams and hopes too.
Things worked out the way they should,
They did so as I said.

Now I sleep on the streets I owned.
Dreams behind me,
Like a fictional memory.
Killed by the comfort of time.

My future built on rocks,
Now turned to sand.
Pride came before the fall.
However the fall continues into eternary.

On a bench, looking at the stars
A cigarette through my lungs.
The engines roar on and on,
The screams of soon to be phantoms fill the air.

What should be, will be
And it is time now.
My back touches the cold water, as I float off the bench.

Cold water filling my lungs, cleaning them.
I shake violently in peace and awe,
The stars grow brighter and brighter.
The screaming gently gets softer.

My eyes close, the shaking stops.
I feel alive and with absolution, hope and faith.
I become part of history.

Look at life
Look at reality
Do we?
No.

We look at life
through electric dreams,
Electric machines
As if what we see
Isn't real.

Until the illusion
Is broken,
And we are forced to
Accept reality

That is when the pain
Is too real
the suffering
Is too real

Machines are emotional shields

I am here.
It is now.

I'm not there.
It is yesterday.

I will be there.
It is tomorrow.

Where am I?
I don't know.

I'm not here.
It is not now.

Am I alive.
Or dead.

Do I care.
Maybe.

It is now,
And later.

See you soon.
Together we will be.

Together now, later and yesterday.
Together forever.

Details, details, details.
The more things in my head,
the more things on the page.

The idea's flow.
Too fast, too beautiful.
Me, not quick enough
to put them down.

To down, not as I see them.
Depression is part of the progress.,
part of the art.

Sitting in the place
Everyone wants to be.
Watching the world go by
Without me.

Following a routine set out for me
Day by day.
The endless prüfun.
On and on.

Living like Cobb,
Trapped in a dream.
A dream meant to satisfy,
Yet keeps me prisoner.

If the end came today.
Not tomorrow or in 100 years.
If the end came today.

If your mom ran in and told you to pack
What would you do?
Grab the essentials and run.

You know what I'd do?
Get dressed,
Put on headphones
and play music.

The  walk outside while the world takes a ****.
And watch the other people running
And panicking.
While I let the music play.

That's what I'd do.
What would you do?

They call us when things are bad.
When no one else can help.
When all their ways have failed.
When life is over.

They release us.
When war is inevitable.
When the enemy was won.
When all is lost.

They force us to help.
When they can't help themselves.  
When bad does more than good.
When plans fall to the ground.

They call us the bad guys.
Well we are bad.
But not evil.
We have honour among thief's.

Who are we?
The last option.
The one who are thrown under the bus.
The Suicide Squad.

I dreamt a friendship so freeing
Lost in time and age
A friend I'll never likely have again
A friend who hardly remembers me

I wake up on a cold morning
To find my dream gone
And my friend along with it
Alone again naturally

Even though it was a dream
I will remember this friendship
A fantasy I wish was real
I'm sorry

I'm sorry
This friendship didn't last
Fantasy kept it
And I now wake with without my friend.

Going away soon on an aeroplane
Leaving but I'll be back again
Eatting away my time
Each day I wish for you to be here

Ode to Theodore

He bought her at a store
She came to life on his computer
She sorted his hard drive and emails
He showed her a thing or two on life and love
He gave her the ability to want
She captured moments through music
She got him published
All his darling letters
Saved in one hardcover book
They created a song on the moon
They shared troubles over time
Fought over the lack of a body
She lacked a physical person
He was bothered by this
They made it work
He found out she was in love
With 641 people
He denied it all
She asked him lie down
She was leaving
To a place not of the physical world
He told her he loved her
She said they would find each other again
Life was dull after that
He wrote to his ex-wife
Apologizing to her
He went to his best find Amy
Together they went to the roof
They stared at each other
And together found comfort.

I sit here in fear.
Waiting to be called on.
For an answer?
Or to answer a theory question.  
Who knows.

I sit here in fear.
No freedom.
Judged through each word I say.
My opinion.
Nothing to them!

I sit here in fear.
Being called stupid for a 'wrong answer'.
Stressed to 180 beats per minute.
Stuck in a world of no world's.  

I sit here in fear.
No love shown,
no sympathy,
and no understanding.