My heart is like a brush fire,
she's burning, cracked open, a beginning.
I spring between happy and sad like the flames from tree to tree.
I burn brighter in the sad.
The ashes of who I used to be pile up on the branches of who I could've been.
when I suggested a fire extinguisher,
my heart laughed so hard I watched another acre be devoured.
She's starving,
been without touch for so long the screaming of the flames feels like a caress.
The heat feels like a kiss, and who am I to deny her?

He looks at me from under his lashes and I melt.
He makes me want to take shelter,
hole us away in some sleepy town until all I remember is him.
I'm not selfish, except for when I am, and right now all I can think of is him.
He is the before,
the after,
everything in between.
We walk a tight line, he and I.
Always saying what we don't really mean,
too ignorant to admit that we are It for each other.
Ignorance is bliss, and we are so happy.

I don't know what to do to make you miss me.
I look for you everywhere,
in dating apps, the grocery store, my heart.
You were easy to be with,
right as rain on a good day, glacier-like on the bad.
I didn't know what to do when you closed off from me,
but I knew not even the jaws of life could pry your vault open.
I got no where,
like I was trying to saw out the version of you I needed with a nail file.
Now you're gone, I'm here,
and you still don't miss me.

The Silence is louder than anything.
It drowns out my thoughts,
holds me hostage until I can only see you.
You're not one for words,
expecting me to know how you feel while you brood.
I'm exhausted.
Every time I open my mouth, all I hear is white noise.
I swear to God I heard your name in the feedback.
Please come back,
i'll sit in Silence if it makes you happy.

I’m 14 and it’s my freshman year and I’m so scared the rest of my life is gonna feel like this.
I’m 16 and I’m driving by myself for the first time and it takes everything in me not to just keep driving.
I’m 18 and I’m finally walking across the stage and all I can think of is how I look on the screen.
I’m 20 and I go to the carnival with my friends and I hope the rest of my life is gonna feel like this.

im not good with my emotions,
i give too much or not nearly enough.
i dont know why my expectations are so high,
it’s a constant juggle between letting them down or having my heart sink with the titanic.
im not rose and you arent jack and its been 84 years and i still just cant love you back.
i want to be kissed like the whole world is sinking,
like we dont have a choice between life and death,
and i dont want to admit to myself that sometimes,
sometimes i’d choose the latter.

Sometimes I wake up at 3 a.m.
Body shaking,
and the phantom beat of a drum beating under me.
I saw my favorite band,
you saw her in my smile.
I wonder if you were ever mine,
if you ever planned to let me in.
Or if I was always destined to be a hazy month,
Something you remember only when you have nothing left.
Nothing about you was hazy.
You were clean cut and hard pressed,
pressing on me like a rib on a heart,
Unbearable at times.
I hope she's not another hazy May.
I hope she has so many lines and hard edges,
that Picasso himself rolls over in his grave.
But I hope you cut yourself on her edge one day,
and get swept away back to my hazy May.