You may not be the sun
who lights up
everyone's day,

You may not be the moon
who glows in everyone's
cold night,

You may not be the stars
who flickers everyone
with a smile.

But you are my gentle firefly,
who gleams with me
in this dark tunnel,
who keeps me company
in this solitary drift,
who glitters me with hope
to hold on and continue
as I tread this burrow.

Please stay with me.

i hear your car pull into the driveway
and I rush to close my eyes.

i pull the covers to my shoulders
and pretend that i am sleeping

this has become my ritual

i can hear your key turn in the lock and my heart presses against my ribcage.
i have been waiting for this

you quietly enter our bedroom
the smell of snow follows you in.

silence
(just for a moment.)
then
the rustle of layers being shed

i feel the bed shift as you climb in next to me

slowly
you reach for me
lightly touching my side

in this dark room
i am beaming

'hey'

it's all you say,
but in it i can hear the high note of every love song.

with a smile firmly in place
i slowly open my eyes

only to find myself alone

in a room miles away

Somehow
You found your way
Into my heart
And lit a flame
Within it
That I thought
Would never burn.

It roars
So bright and hot
Inside my chest,
Igniting even the
Loneliest corners of my soul
Where it was before so
Dark and desolate.

And yet this warmth
Remains inadequate
When the distance
Yawns between us
Like an abyss,
Taunting me with only
The semblance of nearness.

We're sitting on separate sides
Of a great divide
Where Time is wearing thin
But I'm still reaching desperately
To feel, just once
The gentle heat
Of your hand
Holding mine.

I'm terrified that you
Are falling in love
With the idea of me,
That the masterpiece
Your mind has painted
Far surpasses the reality
Of its subject.

When you see each
Glaring imperfection,
The incongruent lines
That shape my body,
The speckled skin
That litters my frame,
Perhaps you'll realize that
This canvas was flawed all along.

Past the impressionist blur of color
So thickly laced with
Your dreams,
There am I,
A harsh form
Captured in still life.
An incomplete charcoal sketch.

It could be that
You've simply
Never been one for realism
And I'm just
"The Girl with a Pearl Earring"
When you always wanted
"Starry Night"

"Do you...?"
The elder asked in late September,
It wasn't difficult, I knew the answer,
But still I paused, briefly undisturbed
And every detail, I suddenly remembered:

Glancing look
Batting eye
Short of breath
Long sigh.

Chest pocket
Slightly pounds,
Deep breath...
"Nice to meet you"

Charming smile,
Class Monday,
First touch,
Dinner Friday?  

Silent pause,
Checks calender
"That'll work!"
Phone number.

Sweating palms
Nerves swell
Deep breath...
Doorbell.

Dad's request,
Home at eight,
"Movie premier?"
Second date.

Hand in mine,
Afraid to miss,
Eyes close,
First kiss.

Throat tightens
Tears form
First fight
Cheeks warm.

Things I said,
Were never true,
You see... Because..
Well... "I love you."

Bended knee
Golden band
White box
Take my hand?

Five maids
Five men
White dress
Violin.

Chest pocket,
Slightly pounds.
Sweating palms,
Nerves swell.
Throat tightens,
Tears form;
"Do you..?"

The elder asked in late September,
It wasn't difficult, I knew the answer.

Oh that I could love
And be loved in return
To feel warmth in the hearth
Of my heart
And not the icy emptiness
Of darkened stone
That seems to whisper
"You're alone"

Perhaps this ache in my throat
Would briefly dissipate if you
Tied your heart to mine,
Stitching the delicate pieces together again,
Though I thought them
Irreparable

You, the faceless figure
Whose absence I have
Known so long,
A phantom wish
Robed in my hopes,
The name on the tip of my tongue
That I can never seem to taste.