you wished me well with my addiction
refused point blank to write your poetry
where it could be injected medicine
distilled from the pages of history
the agony of the reality made me wander
aimless and homeless broken and desperate
I chewed on the leaves of empty pages
pretending I could hear you singing.

Misery loves company..
So we are well acquainted.
A zombie with some pensive thoughts
Everything, offense enough
To make me ask myself,
"If I was dead, too"? Who'd be better off?

Now, i rarely tend to dream,
But when i do, they're nightmares,
They barely get a rise from me,
At the most, they're slight scares.
Reality is gruesome, sad ,
And way more frightening.
The shock of your sudden departure hit me like dark lightning.
Yea, life isn't fair.
It's not all joy and bright sunshine.
But there's no suffering that don't ease with the passing of time.

I have a hole inside my heart.
I fear that will not change.
A part of me, died then with you.
I'll never be the same.
When I found out that you had passed,
I nearly lost my mind.
Instead, I lost a part of me,
A part I'll never find.
How can I make this pain hurt less?
I ask and beg and pray,
If for eternal pain, I'd have you here,
I'd trade today.

How could words explain what I feel?
Letters etch my tattered tale?
A broken shell, a hollow soul,
My heart, so cold and pale.
Now how to cope, what do I do?
I feel so lost, it's true.
The world came crashing down on me
the second I lost you.

The despair I felt was nothing like I've ever felt before.
I never thought that I could cry until my soul was sore.
I cried until my heart hurt. I cried until my eyes hurt.
I cried until I couldn't cry, and then I cried some more.
I never thought this day would come,
not this way, this soon.
Every day I wonder what I'll do now without you.
That very thought consumes me, I'm filled with grief and rage.
To think you'll never get to see your nephew come of age.

This used to be my only fear,
But now, it's gone away.
Ever since you did appear,
A new one took its place.
I was afraid of death.
Namely, dying alone.
But tell me, what is left,
Of me, if I were on my own?..

I have come to terms with the fact
that you're not coming back.

I have come to terms with the fact
that all I was to you was just another girl.

I have come to terms with the fact
that all we had meant nothing to you.

And I have come to terms with the fact
that I am better off without you.

And I have come to terms with the fact
that you were just another mistake.

And I have come to terms with the fact
that I am indeed, over you.

"Do not quit" they scream,
"Do not give up" they yell,
"Do not walk away" they blurt,
but no one is listening, and that's what hurts.

and the price
I am
willing
to pay,

I hope you
miss me
when I'm
gone.