"You don't know what you have until it's gone,"
Words I've engrained into my brain
from years ago.
Always trying to be thankful
for every little thing.

Yet, you've gone
and I've realized that the pedestal
I always placed you on in my mind,
was simply an illusion.
Every time I said it could be worse,
it actually could've been better.

And now I know
I deserve somebody to value my worth
as a person,
lover,
friend.

Because you don't know what you don't have until it is long gone.

Gut clenching
Heart wrenching
Hands shaking
Knees quaking

The feeling of being twisted
wrung out like a soaking wet towel, trying to get
every
last
drop
starts from the middle of my core and spreads out
towards my skin
towards my limbs
like an infectious disease rampaging my body.

Contorting my body into a ball so tight
that my shins bear marks from the iron grips of my fingers
is seemingly the only way to relieve this pressure from within.

Yet,
the only thought running through my semi-conscious mind
while I go through this invisible torture is,
"Why me?"
What sins have I committed in my past lives
which would cause me to endure this kind of pain?

You sat upon your throne
made up of empty cigarette cartons and crushed beer cans.
You thought yourself so mighty and entitled.
Yet, you didn't see it coming, did you?
I left the pathetic kingdom you ruled and enslaved me in.
Like a shadow of death, I gave you one last kiss
and everything as you knew it came
c

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down.

Oh,
how easy is it for me to simply
forgive the hurt
you caused my soul to endure;
Forgetting
is a whole different matter though.
You must have me under your spell,
for when you’re next to me
I forget every wrong doing you've done,
but as soon as you leave,

every

single

thing

comes down upon me.
Like a wave crashing angrily upon the shore
when the sea is storming;
Like getting caught in a sudden downpour
that drenches and chills you to the bone.
These things I can’t forget
climb into my mouth
and slither down my throat;
keeping my lungs from filling with air
and keeping the heartbreaking sobs in.

after hours, days, weeks of crying
over a love lost
i wondered how the water kept pouring
from my eyes
and how i did not shrivel into nothingness

however
then i realized the correlation
between the bottomless sea
and the endless salty tears
constantly leaking from my ocean eyes

i cut back the branches you ensnared around my heart
just to realize
you also left your thorns deep in the *****
which i will have to agonizingly pull out
one by one