I'm told I won't understand,
I'm told to go away,
I'm told to leave,
I do without complaint,
I love them for who they are,
I know they do too,
But tell me to go away,
Tell me I won't understand,
Tell me to leave,
You will witness the consequences,
You will suffer the emotional pain that I do,
I will leave,
I will understand,
I promise you this.

I have a messed up life,
But it doesn't matter anyway,
But why bore you with this dull trife,
It doesn't matter anyway,
There are things to do,
Places to be,
No one has the time for chatter,
It doesn't matter anyway,
So walk on I say,
I'll just be alone,
I'm fine,
But it's not like it matters anyway,
I don't want to be held,
Told that I am loved,
As I sit trapped in a black room alone inside my head,
But don't worry you don't listen anyway,
I'll tell you about the words that peck at me,
I'll tell you about the ideas of what I could do wrong run on repeat inside of my head,
I'll tell you about my dreams,
I'll tell you about my fears,
I'll be happy thinking that I got something through,
But you won't listen,
You never do,
But that okay it doesn't matter anyway.

The bottle was full
Just like their spirits
They shared as the talk grew louder
Spoke of times when drinking was sociable
That was a time ago
Now the drink was a necessity
The medicine of life
The bottle was beginning to empty now
Just like the existence they led
You could see it in their faces
As the battle for the last drink intensified
Every battle has a winner
This time he was the stronger
Gulping down the last drop as if his life depended on it
There would be many more battles like this
Ultimately, the main battle lay ahead
The final one
The freezing weather moved in slowly
Though he was totally unaware
Lying in a drunken stupor
Surrounded by empty bottles
Screaming as the battle raged inside him
Fighting for the final time
As his life slowly ebbed away
The snow covered him like a blanket
Peacefully taking him to a new place
The battle over
His thirty five year old existence finally at an end.

Yeah I may be a Christian and I may be a poet but that doesn't mean my Life is picture perfect. An addict to the Ice and a slave to the Mary Jane...I have learned to cope with it all. Yes I am a full functioning addict I work I pay my bills and I save my money. However, whenever I have extra I like to treat myself to my addictions. It's self medication and a solid connection to an altered state of mind. Meditating on what has gone wrong in my Life I am seeking help for consolidation perhaps my best friend long gone abandoned me to my own destination. What else to do where to turn...I don't know but it is a direct confrontation with my inner being and the devil and he wants my soul. So here I put it in writing and hope for some explanation. God is there with me but I only feel lamentation. So many paths one can choose but I am seeking spiritual exploration...but my soul is weary and tired of loneliness and isolation. Sometimes I feel am not good enough for God's grace or mercy or even salvation...but here I am writing about my experience alone battling my addictions. When am high I feel like I have secluded myself from my Life's many problems and trials forms of testing my caliber against the world filled with agony and despair. My life is in a point of turmoil and descending to an abyss. However, what am I to do am just a lone human seeking God...what else is there for me?

Inside my head are many fears. Unimaginable, uncontrollable the urge to feel accepted by society to just fit in to motivate myself to feel loved and appreciated by all mankind. Though the Age and time we live in that is just a far away dream...logically knowing it's impossible to please the masses with knowledge that is impeccable admirable and clean. To them am a lunatic a fanatic of dogma and God. What they don't know or understand is that am a sinner awaiting my redemption and also my salvation...to the one and only that provides the breath of Life and it's known creation.

Thinking on **** I am not contempt with the erroneous ways I have dealt with my life in the past. Will it all end one day will I be granted the glory of God? Or is it all im my head and I will end up in hell for being who I am today? Questions only God knows the answer to...questions upon questions...what ifs upon what ifs...doubts upon doubts. I am what I am today due to the decisions I made yesterday. But just let me be me and let God show me a way...so I can find my way back home and be there to stay.
©Franko the Christian Poet

The memory of what he did brought even more memories to mind
Slow at first but picking up speed, it's all starting to unwind
I don't want to look, I don't want to find
But when I close my eyes there they are right behind

It's been almost a year, but all these thoughts have come rushing in
Because it is mushroom season again
The woods I would have to go within
I always loved to romp about out there,but now thoughts twist and bend
Losing my sanctuary was the greatest sin

Dragging me out to my beautiful wood, so I could be his prey
The feel of the freash damp earth under foot, birds chirping in the trees, I will remember it ALL till my dying day

My hands tied behind my back, it would be easier for him that way
He pushed me to my knees, invading me from behind just like my step daddy did so a ****** I'd stay
He knew it would bring back those memories of my yesterday's

With that veil evil deed, so many things got lost
My woods, singing birds, the river's bend, what a cost
No more fishing, no more camping, no place to take off my disguise
No sanctuary to run to, all of this I'm starting to realize

He was an intelligently crazy
He was destroy the last place that was my safety
He was taking my last bit of joy I could get
He was very cunning in that, I'll have to admit

He found away to continue to bring me agony
After all these years he couldn't just let me be
He made my tormented life worse by many degrees
So now standing at the edge of the woods I freeze

He took my place
To feel warm and safe
New and catastrophic agony is now a cold fire inside
There is no place to hide
It's left me fighting hard not to end it all and die

What's your morbid fascination to know the details of the ****

You'll stop and watch an accident
From which there's no escape

It's not your entertainment
In fact it's someone's life

It could be your brother, sister,
It could be your wife

So stop and think before you gawk
Is there a need for me to see

Unless your knowing helps those involved
I suggest you leave it be

The unwanted the unwashed
Shoved off of life's course
Kicked into the gutter
With the rest of humanity's clutter
Left here to suffer
Against the sorrow there is no buffer

We just lie and languish
In our misery and anguish
If you look you could see
There is enough of us to fill the sea

But people only want happiness and glee
What was created in us, would never let this be
We've been used and abused
So mentally bruised

We where plucked in our prime
When everything in our life rhymed
We where plucked from our vine
But not to be polished and shined

Only to be thrown down
To be stomped on and ground
We lie and ferment
Never to rise to what we where ment

Then like Dr. Frankenstein they are scared of their own creations
When they come to the realization

The monster's that stalk their nights
That invades their dreams when they close their eye's tight
That make them bar their doors and hide out of sight
Are the monsters they have made, ..... And it's only right

I only beat you
Because I love you
Mother said.  After I died.
  
She wanted me to be good
So she beat me 'til I bled
Now I'm dead