i'm a 30 year old male
that can't watch Forest Gump
without crying at least a dozen times.

i'm a sibling of 5
that only sees or speaks to
my siblings on holidays or family events.

i have no formal secondary degree
with stamp of approval
or specification in a field of study.

i know that cigarettes will **** me
the sun will do the same
but i enjoy those things.

i'm a 30 year old male
with no prospects of a life
or any idea of how to create one.

i only know, i am alive.

i can't stand the behavior of most people
but i love everyone, and try to forgive
because i know not their demons

i hate that i hate.
i hate that i am not as forgiving
with myself with the life that i've lived.

i think of what my life could be
outside of my life that is
and i lift away in dreams

i think of killing myself while addressing
daily responsibilities.  
moving one load of laundry to the dryer
becomes "this belt feels stressful and the buckle is harsh
upon my adams apple"

but cold nickel and leather remind me of such contrast
so cold. so warm.

i'm a 30 year old man, and i realize that age is only
significant to those that have not done so.
but i still cry at odd moments.

i'm a sibling of 5 that feels no love.
at christmas, buys the best most poignant gifts
but still forgets birthdays

i'm educated in what matters
which means it doesn't pay
and i love how poor i am.

i'm a 30 year old man.
broke. single. nearly homeless.
and i have nothing but love.

i only know, that i'm alive.

Sometimes you need to be torn down
To realize you had no foundation


-Hadrian Veska

the mountains towered
the evening darkened
the seventh hour begins
the toxic thoughts inside your mind
are sure to win again.

the trees swayed
the earth crumbled
the moon will bear my skin
the lingering light and empty nights
have stolen a piece within.

the flames calmed
the ocean parted
the eyes of God dimmed
the world saw you for the first time
and bowed before your sins.

Some people are strange.
Some people are stranger.
Some people are strangers.
I'm a strange man,
With strange tastes.
A stranger in a strange place.
I'm a strange man,
With a strange face,
A stranger with a strange pace.
You are just as strange.
You are a stranger seemingly strange to the strange strangers strangely thinking you're strange. And strangely this stranger finds that strangely strange.

In a world
of trees, I
was born
a bird.

I'm not delusional.
I'm insane.
I have amnesia,
or is that my name?
I must have caught
the crazy reason train,
or it could be my loco motive brain.

Sometimes I feel
like a useless mass of space matter
Clumped together by ideas long ago tainted

I just do not understand
How the universe could be so against me
when I am the universe

This is my romance
I long to fly,
sunsoak, sundance,
buzz and sing

When I'm a bee,
I fly erratically,
looking for flowers.
to help make honey

Where are you, Queen?
I respond just to You
I bring my nectar only for you
I feel your presence near

Buzzit! I feel strange,
downright deranged.
What's that in black?
Is our hive under attack?!

Humans are very fine
targets for my behind.
Buzz, buzz, I make a pass;
Now he gets a piece of ***

Uh-oh, what's that smokin'?
Bzzt, I'm feelin' heartbroken.
Bee hearts are so tiny
And easily broken

I'm flying
erratically
so high now



I'm out of breath
I'm closer to death

I'm going down now,
drifting
I'm going to sleep now, dreaming
of my Queen in our Hive of Honey
When I'm a bee

i am not okay
i still remember you
every ******* day

I can see you
Standing down there
Like some kind of
Cryptic dream
The evening sun
Seems to arrive
With an ****** haze
As if the immediate
Atmosphere
Called quarters & circle casted
I am but a mere
Remote viewer
Of an unseen assembly
And it all simultaneously
Collides
The elements coincide
In innumerable ways
Simply impossible
To perceive with the mind