Stuffed the words you said
Down my throat;
Followed quickly by the flick of tongue,
Swallowed the words you said,
Dogged with cigarette smoke,
In hopes,
You meant them.

Sometimes, what hurts is not just losing love -
but the reality of losing your best friend, your world.
Losing the person you've spent many-a-time making memories with;
the only person in the world you felt a sense of belonging with.

Sometimes, what hurts most is watching things fall apart -
rooted to the ground, you are unable to hold on to your slipping love.

Nights you would spend conversing with your love;
planning your future memories,
enjoying the night-sky together -
now turned to nights of sorrow, loneliness and heartache.

Sometimes, what hurts most is knowing you are responsible for everything that went wrong.

Hidden Pain
My beloved and me are in love line
I claim to be hers and she is just mine
Is all a compromise to remain fine
Are both of us intoxicated by love wine

With all this I heard her in real,pain
To declare not to be in this disdain
Pain in their in knots of this love chain
To please my love I became insane

But if I get a place to spend a night
I am no more ready to take but a bite
Love has darkened me I need light
In constant torturer where is delight

To tease ourselves we want to please
One glance makes us but to cease
If we open up all just crease by crease
Then we will but to just pain increase

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2017 Golden Glow

Here I am crying - having thoughts about how you could have just been an alcoholic & I was just yet another bottle .
How I know you're ******* me over yet I stay & love you unconditionally .
I just guess I'm in denial of the fact that you've hurt me once & still know you could be hurting me - cheating & lying.
Everyday you tell me 'you love me' but never is there a day you'll show your love & affection by doing the sweetest and simplest things such as calling me on the phone or even telling the world I'm yours . I guess I’m just a question that would hurt for you to answer.
I deserve your apologies for a lifetime but you don't definitely don't deserve me , my forgiveness nor  my love .  My heart made an excuse for why I should stay .
I can't keep crying for a love I deserve. I promised I'd never let somebody break me like you did but ironically I've been breaking myself by staying throughout this journey .
Here I know I can write you love letters you don't deserve because I'm no longer addicted to the possibilty of us 'forever' At least I got some heart-wrenching stories out of it.
You formed yourself into my habit, like daily tea cups , your absence made my heart grow its own flowering garden.  

But one thing I always remember ; Your heart isn’t meant to beat for anyone but yourself.

Love is word people use to get laid
But lately I've been feeling it
And lately I've been feeling lost
I've been feeling alone.
He makes me happy but only for a while.
He makes me feel hot and steamy but only for a while.
Everybody likes him and he likes that,
Its so easy for him to forget about me but so hard for me to forget about him.
He uses it to get laid,
I think i should let it be ,
Maybe then he will see how much he means to me ,
Maybe then we'll be happy together
Maybe then we'll be happy forever
Maybe then. Not now, cause
Now we are walking in the now
And now you never know what ugly things about love decay behind back walls, because what i saw was unimaginable .
Second best ,
Words I never knew i could use directly at myself ,
The idea of them together is as distant from my mind-as unrealistic- as a moon that resolves around a non-existent black hole..
There is nothing I can do.
Second Best thats me
Separated from the rest

Can't move on. Everything reminds me of him and the love we could have had.
I smile to hide the pain but my cheeks hurt.
I'm going nowhere.
Writing makes things better and only makes things worse.
It takes the pain away and it escalates it.
Emotions getting the better of me.
Hating everything and everyone except for him.
He is proud of himself for getting me all worked up.
And I'm disappointed in myself for getting all worked up over a stranger that introduced me to darkness.
That introduced me to pain and anger.
I wish to stop allowing him to **** me over.
But it's like I'm enjoying the pain.
I enjoy getting hurt.
That's the only way to explain why I still love him.
I somehow found pleasure in pain.
That's the only way to explain why I still try.
I'm addicted to the pain.

19 | 31 Poems for August 2017

I can never make you love me no matter what I say or do.
Disappointments seem to be the foundation of my progress.
I’m gradually beginning to realise that success is a slow process.
I dislike how you tend to forget about me during some nights when you’re drinking wine.
I gave you honesty and honestly speaking, going back-and-forth with you is exhausting me.
Over the years, our friendship has been tainted by rumours that everyone knows except for us.
There may have been some chemistry between us that we both chose to blatantly ignore.
I wrote many of my poems in Braille for the kind of love I was desperately longing to feel from you.
I’m still falling for you, and my words are revealing so that’s why you’ll know that this poem is about you.
I find it hard walking away from a woman whose arms I have always wanted to run into.
What should I do now with the love that I have always wanted to give to you?
All I’m asking for is you, and I can’t bear the thought of someone else being next to you.
I’m jealous and I know that I will probably be the last one to ever admit it.
I’m a lover without a lover but never loveless, so what am I supposed to do?

I keep going to the places we used to go to...
Hoping that if I wait there long enough, you will show up again, like you did before.
I sit where we kissed, because the memories seem more real there...
Like a reflection on water...
But as soon as I touch it, the ripples warp the illusion and your smiling face is gone again.
I listen to a song I really hate over and over... Just because you loved it...
And somehow listening to it still makes me feel like we're sharing something special.
I look at our picture every day. The way you smiled made me feel like I was the most special girl in the world.
You smile like that in her photos now.

I'm glad you moved on, really I am...
I am glad that you found someone who sees a future with you.
I just wish I didn't have to lose you in the process.
And I wish I didn't have to become another story  of your past...

My beloved do not steal and sell my tears
I will not be able to face poisonous spears
I consider you mine and guard of frontiers
Is this type of love which my love endears

I am ordinary man in extraordinary chains
But still a human can not bear all the pains
Your love makes me and helps just sustains
What is life a chain of stress and the strains

What a barter is love what a trick is beauty
Both are chained in chain not to remain free
Even if there is valid reason and right plea
I am in a whirlwind in the midst of the sea

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2017 Golden Glow

I wish I should have married you my sweetheart
But I can't do that because of my family constraints
I don't know why I have fell in love to just depart
See the irony of fate we can't lodge any complaints

You say your love was of the nature of first sight
I do not have any such marvelous encounters
But now you my love brought me to strange light
To your very many questions I don't have answers

If I accept you I have to lose my family for good
If I refuse I will never ever be able to see you again
Love of old age is a very serious affair it would
**** me my sweetheart in loneliness in severe pain

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2017 Golden Glow