I have a question for you.
Do you think Im faking it?
I want to tell you how i feel
I want to do what you promised me i could do
I want to be truthful
But i can't
Because you have already put me down
And brushed me off as a "moody teenager"
I'm 18
About to be 19
Ill admit, i am young
But is that a reason to brush me off?
Is that a reason to not let me talk?
Is that a reason....
To deny my feelings?
To treat me like
I don't have a voice?
Is that a reason to make me feel
Like Im a bird
That had his wings torn off?
Is that a reason
To point out my stutter
To yell at me when Im trying to think of my next words carefully?
To yell at me
When i don't yell at you?
I already know that my words
Are not right.
They are not how i want them to be
They come out of my mouth
Like a monster of hatred
They stutter and they run
And they cause destruction
They cause me pain
Do you have to point out
That i act childish?
That i "over react"?
That Im a "drama queen"?
Because sometimes
I act more mature than you
And then i get bashed with profanities that you just wont let me say out loud
Can i remind you
Of the promise you made me
When i was in the psychiatric hospital?
A promise that i could tell you
When Ive hit my lowest point?
When Ive had enough?
Because Ive had enough
Of the name calling
Of the ******* arguments
Of ******* everything
But i can't tell you
Because i was getting better
And you would think I'm lying
And you, and everyone else in this family
Will join your hands
Put your differences aside
And scream out you version of motivation
But what you don't see
Is sometimes all i need
Is for someone to notice
How much i hold back my anger
When you let loose yours
Is for someone
To let me finish a sentence
Before they yell at me
For someone
To side with me
And not just with the adult in the situation
For you to ******* stop.
And listen
Before i do something
Something that my ****** up mind thinks will fix the situation
But will only make it worse
For those who i left behind
****I'M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING! THE SUICIDAL FEELING HAS PASSED, WRITING THE POEM HELPED WITH THAT!**** eh... If i post this it will probably be later when Ive calmed down more.
Ive had arguments with my uncle but its become so bad that he constantly insults me and i cant say anything back in a calm voice or even, my favorite option, not talk to him to avoid more of the argument. And when i just nod my head, and say "yes sir" i STILL get yelled at. At this point, I'm just tired of it.
Im calm now but i wish it would stop so i could just.. Breathe