It's hard to talk about it to happy people
With pretty sounds of poetry
Or talk about it at all, really

'Cause how could you put in words
The science of "sad girl" warnings
Or that feeling of regret
That I woke up this morning

Honestly, I just wanted to feel nothing
In spite of this sick espirit

A disphoria so ingrained in the flesh,
Only death could set you free.
.

Which algorithm is going to understand me
understand sentiment behind what I do
It is coded for catching the patterns
For them we are just there
to generate the data to process
What insights will they create
about me when I'm just the outlier
they will remove me to get cleaner results
Generalise the problem
that it won't cater to me
technology is not the slave
they make us dance to their tune
We change, as much as they advance
Develop worse habits
change our routines
from when we were in the more happier place
to a place which comes with waves of sadness.

All these time it was to mourn
The death of a distant dream
Not knowing its passing
Never to return
Despite my wishful pleas

Holding the shape of its void
As its eternal presence
Believing it's still there
Wishing the lack thereof
And of anything else
Is a sign of its destined return

Not knowing all along
The replacing emptiness
Tells only
Of the final death of this
Long since silenced
Dream

A handful of water thrown like glitter to bead against reflective floors
Mirrors my cage in a hundred different ways
If I look closely enough I can see myself that free, that open
With every breath I taste the sharp tang of memories
That without you will never sit with sugar on my tongue again
Now I’m not blaming you or this wooden heart that bobs aimlessly without direction upon this endless see of caged reflection
Just exercising atrophied muscles with which I learn to stretch, to feel
Without drowning these polished plains I place cold feet on each morning
I am Alice here, skirts twisted above my head to obstruct the view
Although I know I do not wish to see it’s vast edges
Not unless they’ve painted you