the madness crept into your reality
clouding the truth
corrupting your soul
stripping your innocence
the madness took over your reality
now your identity is blurred
and who you are
is not
who you were.

I sit in regret
This terrible sin killed him
Alas, I'm dead too

I only come out at night
When the monsters roam
You ask me why I live so dangerously
Why I risk my life, my safety
My dear,
Did you never realise?
The scariest monster is me

I haven't been able to recognise myself for a long time

The mirror is no longer my friend as I got tired of looking at a stranger

Today I looked in the mirror and I finally recognised my reflection

I recognised myself but My God, I did not like what I saw

I wish I could go back in time and be who I was before

this monologue is getting repetitive
and
rather


lonely.

This punishment is getting loathsome
At what point do I stop drinking this poison?

i was standing at the edge of a very long fall
only to find i never existed at all

Crucify me
You know that you want to

Hang me up
Next to all of my mistakes

While you hammer in those nails
I wonder

Will they crucify you with me?

I know that you'll find someone eventually
I know that it will make this broken heart bleed
I know that you will love her forever
Instead of for just one night
I know you will not leave her unrequited

I know you'll find someone eventually
I'll pretend I'm happy for you
I'll never reveal the reality
I'll hug her, smile and pretend to be her friend
I'll hide my emotions so I don't lose you completely

I know that you'll find someone eventually
She'll be everything I'm not and more
She will give you her heart and you will give her yours
She'll be everything that you've been looking for

I know that you will someone eventually
I know that someone will never be me

The darkness covers me like a shroud
All I can taste is rejection in my mouth
The two men that I love both let me down
Until the darkness covered all my expectations
Till I was drowning in the truth of all that I am lacking

The darkness covers me like a shroud
The blade used to help me
It used to release the pain
Now when I look at my razor blade train track scars
All I see is a body that I am trapped in
With no way out
No escape

The darkness covers me like a shroud
I dream of slashing my wrists until I completely bleed out
But I know my courage doesn't stretch that far
I pray one day it will stretch that far

The darkness covers me like a shroud
The two men that I love have shut me out
So now I'm dreaming of my final chapter
I'm designing myself an escape route

The blade feels cool against my skin
This place is so dark but strangely familiar
I pray for the courage within
To press down hard
To commit that fatal sin

The blade feels like home
The most morbid honesty I've ever known
Pain is something I can understand
Blood is a friend that I could keep around

The blade feels cool against my skin
This place is so dark but it's my reality
The blade feels cool against my skin
The blade will set me free

He couldn't love me because I was empty
So I injected myself with poison
Until I was overflowing

He couldn't love me because I was toxic
So I slashed my skin
Draining the poisonous blood out of my body

He couldn't love me because I was too unstable
So I took all my meds with a bottle of tequila
I felt my life fade away

At my funeral
He finally loved me
Simply because
I was gone

There is no help for this kind of pain
There is no understanding a heart this broken
There is no answer but eternal darkness
There is no conclusion other than escape
Somebody rescue me from this place