Many have come to pry me open.
Many have come asking for the key.
Offering promises that the doubt would lessen,
flaunting their oaths as currency.

Plenty have assured that they're not like the others.
They promised that their words were forged in steel.
They had come with nothing else except to offer,
their ears and support just so to seal the deal.

"Forgive me", I'd say... I am still a tad apprehensive.
But I do feel the need to speak...
I do long for ears attentive,
Not the ones which are attached to mouths that easily leak.

I know that there are such ears...
Hard to find but they're definitely there.
They'd be ready to catch my tears,
more than willing to show concern and care...

Yours seem rather reliable... That much I see.
They've come with intentions seemingly untainted and kind.
Don't suppose they'd take my words ever so lightly.
They won't lap up my secrets with treachery in mind.

Again I find myself here at the same spot.
About to hand over the duplicate key.
This familiar leap I hope you'd have me caught.
Please don't give away my secrets for free...

Silence is the Captain
of my nights

His ship slips quietly
like words made of smoke

By the low light of the moon
he guides me

Both lost in this deep ocean
of love and loneliness.

I rarely cry,
but when they fall people
wish to catch them all.

For my tears are priceless
when they descend,
diamond tears do fall forth.

My emotions are precious to me,
I keep them under lock and key,
I was hurt before and the tears did fall,
not diamonds but water they were before.

Now my emotions I keep under check,
and when I cry they are only
tears of happiness not fear.

Diamonds fall from my eyes,
as tears are precious will you
catch them for me.
Keeping them safe so they can never
be used against me.

Today I battle
my own negativity
the dark side of
my moon
glowing cold
in the sear
of burns
those little
inflamed live
scars receiving
the salt
of tears
that I gather
in opaque blue
and indigo-hues
in the privacy
of the soft spaces
in the drawers
of my heart
little aches
that grow
as the hours
get smaller
little quakes
on low
in emotions'
faded squalor
and as I plunge
over that
spiritual abyss
draw in my
knees, let the
winds brush
my lips
in a mocking
lovers'  kiss
and try to catch
that beating mass
as it bursts
right through
my chest,
in broken slips
of shattered
glass
I tell myself
in whispers
"No, warrioress!
This time
you will not
be destroyed"
and I fling
my heart,
so bruised
into the
burning,
golden
void

You stole the light from my soul, when you left
But I had no way to prevent, or report your theft
You left me behind all alone, groping in the dark
Searching the ashes blindly, for some sort of spark

I fell into a deep, never ending abyss
Don’t know how long, I existed like this
Until that scar, on my heart fell off
It’s only then I knew, I could once more love

Now I endlessly search, for a cinder or glowing ember
To relight my soul, like those days I remember
But with every spark that I’ve chosen, to my light renew
It only fades and dies, with each memory, of you
BOEMS BY JA 482

I cut myself again tonight
And my skin parted like the Red Sea
I am Moses.
I cut open my inside thigh
Hiding my disease, so no one could see,
Looks can be deceiving.

I covered my wounds with plasters;
Envying the way plasters hid pain,
Much Better than I did.
I took care of my wounds
Incase of infection, so I would never have to explain
Why my thighs cracked like volcanoes.

I drew thick safety lines
Thick enough to block out feelings
This is apathy.
I became reborn every morning
After baptising in my holy tears
God will receive me.

I had no faith to walk over the waters
Terrified that the waters would drown me
I am Peter.
I keep self sacrificing, hanging myself on the cross
For my sins that I can't stop committing
I am Jesus,
Or is this blasphemy?

Once upon a legend
On a day that time forgot
I felt my heart cease beating
And I knew the world had stopped

No wind stirred in the treetops
No more sweet flowers growing
No waves upon the oceans
The rivers were not flowing

The moon lost in the heavens
No place for her to go
Forever left in darkness
No light for the world below

Dawn is never coming here
No new day is being born
The sun will not be rising
Night will not turn into morn

Caught in a painful silence
All earthly life is stilled
The source of this disaster
Is a promise unfulfilled

The promise that you made me
The cruel game you played
The dark truth echoes bleakly
In the heart that you betrayed

yesterday has come and gone
it's getting harder to stay strong
every action, I have owned
every right and every wrong

tomorrow isn't a promise made
and yesterday cannot be saved
another sunset, I watch fade
another day closer to the grave