I might act like I don't care
but underneath what I wear
I'm an utter fool for you
I'd bend over backwords
to make your dreams come true
and it's all because I love you
I'm sorry if sometimes I seem
a little distant-
it's mostly because I'm trying
my best to be more realistic
and give you the space
that you say you'll take
I just don't want to make a mistake
and cause either of our hearts to break
sometimes it can be tricky-
controlling my feelings
because I can get clingy
there is a side of me,
that you have yet to see
please, no matter what
do not abandon me..
because I have feelings for you.

my tears aren’t forced
they flow in that
dark tunnel that she
dreamed so long ago
she wasn’t ready
to take her first steps
I wasn’t ready to
take mine without her.
Little things bring her back
like empty bowls or the tower
of books she’s never going to read.
People have been calling this a
trauma, but they’ve forgotten the
loneliness of life’s journey. She dreamed
a tunnel and added bright lights
and dusted the floor with powdery snow
she traveled far yet I can
only see the trails of
milk puddling around the lost key that she
dropped under blankets
of memory and phrases of
I-promise and tomorrow. I’m growing up as
she falls down. She wasn’t
perfect but that’s why it
was so easy to love her.
My journey’s ongoing, and the
deep undercurrents of pain and
grief are pulling me through
that tunnel.
I’m rowing softly by,
quietly, quietly,
as she is laid to rest.
her memories swallow the emptiness
she is kneeling at the throne.
I follow slowly and leave my
tears for her to know that life’s
path isn’t paved in water but
with sorrow, with endings, and with lost
boats on turbid seas.

It's on loop
That fresh new feeling
Reinvent ourselves over and over
We stare into each other at last
Diffusing the intensity of the electric icebergs in your eyes
I slyly gaze towards my shoes
My face is conquered by a widespread grin
Bluffing act defeated
Reunited over this golden cider
If the bottom of this glass can give me courage to speak,
I won't be your part one or two
Make me your entire act
I won't be your plan B
Make me your alphabet
It feels pretty right, as you say, into my ear
And it will loop
The initial kiss, the taste of your lips
Sprinkled with cigarettes and loneliness
The deep trembling in my hands
as they trace the sharp line of your jaw
The awakening within my quickened heart
Common sense surrendered in a last minute defeat
And it will loop
The deep pleasure, then the shallow breaths
Feigned words and obligatory conversation
Let's not admit the truth now
Gravitas does not belong amongst these pillows

This can't be real
This pain I feel
I'm in a dark cave
All alone never to be saved

Won't somebody find me?
Open my eyes, let me see
Bring me back into the light
Into happiness and what's right

I hide myself under a pile of lies
So no one sees the secrets behind these immortal eyes

No one understands and they never will
Why my life is like a big long bill
I have to pay the price of living
It's myself that I am giving

Depression is what drags me under
Why can't they hear my screams I wonder
I'm screaming to you
Please help me through

There has to me more than this
Somewhere out there, there must be bliss
But until I find it I am here
In this pool of unforgiving tears.