i have become an expert
at ******* up my life
i’m really good
at being a terrible wife
i am slime
a big ol’ waste o’ time
never worth the trouble i cause
all i do is whine
and rhyme

every time things start to get better
whenever i start doing things right
i turn around and stab myself in the back
with a knife
and it’s as if i don’t want to enjoy my life
like i want to sabotage my chances
at doing better than my parents did
i keep thinking back to when i was a kid
always frightened,
forever wishing i was big
and now that i’m no longer a child
i can’t seem to do things right
i just keep being wild
and forgetting the times in the past
when i’ve smiled
i’m just so tired
and i keep sniffing myself
and checking my date
because i think
i’ll soon be expired

ya know,
late last night
i felt kinda
dead inside

crumbling into mushy
piles of sand
from the tears
i cried

i kept telling myself
that once again
i wasn’t worthy
but i lied
i might be easily won over
but cross me
and you’ll wish
you’d never strayed
from my side

because i’m sweet
as hell
but i’m equal parts spicy
i’m small
but i’m feisty
and you’re asking
for trouble
if you think
you wanna fight me
i’m tiny
but mighty
i’m a dream
come true
but like
a nightmare
i’m frightening
kiss me goodnight
and in the morning
we’ll be fighting
and whoever leaves
the biggest bruise
in the end
is
the mind **** king

i wasn’t looking
for a friend
but i found one

life had
mostly become
a joke to me
never taking anything
seriously
and constantly
feeling numb

and somehow
i have seen
a bit of sunshine
recently
even though
i know
it likely won’t be mine
because, let’s face it
life’s just not
that kind
to me

but just connecting
a little bit
and coming to find
that maybe i’m not
as alone in this world
as i feel like
i am
is enough to
make me
try to see
what tomorrow
has in store
for me

outer space
never felt
so
far away
as the day
i learned
your name
but i wouldn’t have it
any
other way
because the world
isn’t big enough
to keep me away

good morning
good day
goodnight

it’s nice
to have
a little taste of you
in my life

the way
you pronounce things
paints a big,
dumb smile
across my face
you are
far
beyond adorable
in… well,
let me count the ways

you make
a lot
more sense
than
most of
the people
i spend
my time with
and i wish
more folks
had just
a bit of
common sense

i want to gaze
deep into
your eyes
and feel them
piercing
into me
as flecks
of sunlight
shimmer over
both
of
us
bringing light
to the shadows
of this
strange place
in which
we both
seem to be

hi,
hello,
it’s nice
to greet yee
maybe
one day
if we’re lucky
i’ll give you a hug
and you’ll say
that
it’s nice
to
meet me

cracks form all around my body
like an egg shell
and the icky, gooey bits
underneath begin
to seep through
to the surface

my heart hurts so much
as it bleeds
filling me from the inside out
with thoughts of my
pathetic needs
creeping up on me
every night
while i’m trying to sleep
and reminding me
why there’s so little
in which i believe

i spread my teeth apart
to form gaps when i smile
trying to let my secrets out
one drop at a time
but every time i bleed
i keep picking at the wounds
instead of letting them heal
there’s nothing scarier in this world
than admitting how i feel

i unscrew
my head
like a lightbulb
and
let all
my thoughts
spill out

if i hand you
my head,
will you see
that
i’m dead?
can
it
be?
is this
the end?

a better me
doesn’t exist
at least,
not yet
but i’m trying to
tiptoe my way
there
and for now
i’ll take
what i can get

happiness evades me
as the truth sinks in
about all that i’ve done
but even more so
what i haven’t

the light is bright
but it just infects my eyes
it’s too hard to see
what’s up ahead of me
as my eyeballs blister
and fall out of my skull
they roll in the dirt
and get coated in filth

days come and go
they’re all the same
with subtle differences
that are not enough to keep me sane
my rotten brain
has too many awful things to say
about the world
and my life
and mostly
about me

the ticking of my clock
acts as a metronome
to every unheard song
that gets stuck in my head
my toes get trapped in mud
as i try to tap them
and eventually i give up
on making any sense
to anyone around me
because i don’t
get me either

(song lyrics)

i’m up so high
there’s no sky above me
i reach out my arms
i can touch the stars

and on the edge
looking down below me
i see the people
and how small we are

i’m falling down
from the ledge i’ve stood on
dropping fast
as i hit the ground

but i’ll come back
as a ghost, don’t worry
you won’t relax
i’ll make sure of that


i don’t think that i can die
i’ve tried already
but every time
i am still…
alive

i guess i’m stuck
not sure why i’m wanted
but i’m still here
i just don’t give a ****….

033124

I told you I would no longer write for you —
That I won’t hide it in series of poetry anymore.
I was old enough
And I know it’s no longer trendy
I write you letters but I don’t send it anyways.

I wanna tell you how much I cared
To let you go as God says so
At first, I was so scared losing you
As if you were “mine”
Though I never had this “thing” with you.

Honestly, I was left with no choice at all —
I thought you’ll wait for me
Just like what you’ve promised.
But maybe words were just empty words.

Hey, I’m sorry that you got tired of me
I was crazy to let you go without even confessing.
You’re too early and I was too late
But it’s kinda unfair
Coz I believed everything you said.

I know I hurt you too
Many times, you told me you’re no longer at peace.
I hated myself for hurting you
But I have to let myself heal and bloom once again.

The connection I had with you was different
I thought I’m already “home” when I’m with you.
But I never had the chance to cherish everything…
It was the last time, but I haven’t said anything.

The pain within me was more than my emotions,
You’re not just a piece of me
But being with you for a short span
Was like staying where I want to be.

I had so many questions in my head —
But the answer I get was you moved on already.
Seeing you around makes me forgive you
And leads me to forgive myself too.

I ain’t perfect —
But this connection has lapsed
And I have to leave this page.