My heart
Is a happy drunk
A little too open
A little too optimistic
It's over in the corner of the bar
Playing poker
Screaming at the top of it's lungs
I'M ALL IN
When it's never
To this day
Had a winning hand

My heart
Is a sad drunk
A little too lonely
A little too caught up in tears
It's over at the counter
Forcing the bartender to take its keys
Because it would rather not go home
Than go home alone again

My heart
Is a reckless drunk
A little too unbalanced
A little too impaired
It's over by the door
Making everyone nervous
A little too good at scaring people away
A little too far gone

Like you
A little too far gone
Turn your head
Shuffle away and pretend you don't notice
The breakdown of a heart
Too drunk on feelings
To know when to stop

I yearn,
     I learn,
         I love,
             I hope,
                 I burn,
                     I run,
                         I cry,
                             I fly,
                                 I dance,
                                     I am in a trance,
                                 I apologize,
                             I patronize,
                         I sore,
                     Like never before,
                 TO YOU.....
             FOR YOU...
         ONLY YOU..
      Don't you see?
  I can live without you....
**its just that i don't want to

i'll never
fit in,
and i'll never
stand out.
all i'll ever do
is exist,
and i just
don't know
if that's enough
anymore.

i've always
been okay
with being ordinary
but now i'm starting
to find holes
where happiness
should be

i'm so ******* sick
of always being the one
to ask the questions.
why won't anyone
just ******* ask me
what makes me happy?
why won't anyone
just ******* ask me
how i'm actually doing?
why won't anyone
just ******* ask me
how much it hurts
to hear nothing but
doubt when you
ask yourself if
you matter enough
to keep going.

The color of your skin, does not tell me
  what kind of person you are-
Your language, or accent, does not tell me
  what kind of person you are-
Your creed does not tell me,
  what kind of person you are-
It is you, that shows me, what kind of person you are!

copyright: richard riddle 04-08-2014

You've once recounted in memory
with that young boy vigor
of a hobby collection of that sort.

I find it fascinating how you could
maintain our feigned interest in naivety.
You kept us so long in silence.

You've kept all these things in
jars and cabinets packed in
tight spaces.

And as little and as inconsequential
that butterfly memory that you kept
in a bright jar up in your attic;

let that ripple strengthen into a wave
but i will never be what you willed
and kept for so long. A butterfly

clipped and dipped in formalin
for your tiny framed collection,
that pride-start, if you even had one.

-19FEB15