There is an infinite awareness
That each of my days are littered with the past
Bogged down in the sludge of regrets
The fine mist of mistakes coat my hands
As I push through each day
The only relief is the realization of self worth
That is lost in the tides of life

cc033012

I break against the shore of your heart
White caps riding my waves
Endlessly, I reach for you

A vast forest of green
Through sleepy eyes as I look
Copper spots of intrigue
You are mine, I whisper
Brillant crinkles in the corners
You are mine, I whisper
Lazy smiles of content
Slowing beats of life
You are mine, I whisper
Oceans of blue closing softly
A blinking story with no words
I am yours
I am yours

cc032219

Sometimes this place is too much
Sometimes, it's me that's too much
The frantic frenetic overwhelms
With all I want to do
Sitting quietly waiting
My life is two disparate sides
Fast paced immediate
Slow and silent
One day it will be okay
Today was okay though
Sometimes, I'm okay too

cc030319

Finders find and the founders await
The dark fears and the light blinds
Shadows abound as the dark gathers
Life greys in feathers of light
Dusk is here and night renews
Dawn will come with the world anew
Clean away what the light has seared
All is not light as the dark views

cc013119

Stretched out limbs reaching for more
Loose lengths of heated skin lined against
Tangled waves in tightening hands
Staccato breaths in long exhales
A brush
A rub
A grind against
Pounding heart with furtive cries
A whisper
A touch
A fueled need
Loose lengths and mussed up sheets

cc012219

Run girl as fast as you can
The serpents are out
And the knot unwinds
The heat unclothes
And the sun stretches long
Run girl as fast as you can
Before the bite and the light
Both bring you down

cc012219

Like young gods walking into the arena
Raven among the serpents
Quetzalcoatl of feathers and scales
This isn't a pride
This is a pack
A generation
A coil
A nest
This den is made for power
A bed for the young to learn in the solitary world

cc012119

Wait!
Listen!
I’m sorry
I’m soft spoken in unknown crowds
And race in volumes when alone
The rushed strings of words still follow my thoughts
However strange they sound spoken aloud
Just listen
Just for a moment
My speaking follows a rhythm
There is a poem in the hurried mumbling
Tumbling and stumbling out.
I’ve lived with them for a while
We are both trapped
I use lost, nothingness, and billowing darkness
Because we are trapped there
Most lines are formed in in secret
Too many are formed in the darkest corners
Just relax, I know
But listen
Just for a bit
I stumble and race along
Each poem is me only exposed to more than me
The private thoughts leaked out to peak out
Are backed by fear of the open
The trembling hand and the shaky notes
Trip up the intention of any plans
I’m sorry
Please listen
Just for a bit

cc011219

There is desperation in youth
Each heartache and heartbreak crushing
In its overture of need
The petals of broken hearts litter the floors
In the wind of longing cries
Pieces are glued back on
Cries become sighs of what was then
Until the next time the heart is wrenched and wrung
Youth despair and keep going
Despite the thoughts of what it was

cc012012

Sad little poems in a concrete room
Posters for groups from before
This poem is not shy
The words build to fill the space
Breaking out of that sad space
That place has no space for words
Words shouting whispering working
Hurting or flirting
The feelings that shatter the mind
Words that ******* with joy
These words are more than
Sad little poems in a concrete room

cc032818

Sweat slicked legs criss-crossed and cut
Set back to one side under
The table able to take flight right out
The door open freely seeing now
Hold tight to fight the urge
Run quick to freely seeing now
Out there gone and running
Rise up to run stumbling fumbling
Sweat slicked legs gone out freely seeing now
Run quick now back into the flow
Sweat slicked legs uncrossed and moving
Rise up to freely seeing now

cc032818

My life leaned back into the predestined road
Of which, it was etched out in dips and bumps
Flourished in the curves and straight a ways it took me.
Perhaps I am the clueless one
Who is unsure how it all came to this point on the map of time.
Being told to think about my life goals or plans at this stage
Can be hard to fathom when each line seems to disconnect.
How do I plan for the rest of my life
When I’m not sure what plan got me here?

cc011014

I lusted today.
It was that deep, down urge.
I stretched and moaned
Without even thinking.
It felt good to think it.
I wanted it hard enough
And got reprimanded for it.
That harsh ‘don’t do that’
Was spoken quickly in my ear.
I couldn’t help it.
I knew it’d feel good.
Inadvertent as the groan was,
It still felt good.
I knew he wanted it too.
He just couldn’t right then
And it made me want it even more.

©cc122612

I fell a little more today
The kind that involves lust, love,
And all the luscious “L” words.
I pushed my heart out there
It sang of heartache and bad times
It spoke of hope and need
Greedy heart that it is
It wants it all
The tensed up slip of desire
The loose feeling of caring
It’s a rough game
The game of love and lust
It breaks some in two and binds others for life.
I play it all the same
I wish to fall a little more tomorrow too.

©cindrac090612

I speak of being lost often
It’s a feeling that invades me
Without anticipatory thought
Going to bed alone tonight undid me
I thought of my smoke stained hair
I realized that I didn’t smell normal
Without a pause the thought changed
There is no one to tell me I smell good
No quick lean in to inhale
No passing smile from the scent
Warm skin is just warm
No one is there to breathe in who I am
Of all the things to devastate me
The thought of never having anyone
Sneak a breath of me turned my heart
A teary moment is only delayed
For the length of a shower

cc071412

Wastelands of dry parched nothingness
Forced pursuit of pale mirages filled with life
Wavering brinks of relief in the scorching heat
Washed away life of golden liquid
Dehydrated stumbles in the dreaming darkness
Faded taste of malicious lies
Water in feverous dreams
Dried up mouth in waking sleep

cc071211

Once I had hopes
Once I had dreams
I was going to touch the stars
I was going to find out
What moons were made of
I was going to see worlds
Once I had hopes
Once I had dreams
Now I am too far to see
The worlds out there

cc022212

We drift through the moments
Of silence in our flickering thoughts
Who are we then?
Brief lapses of lost identities
With none of the trappings of personality
Lies the mind tells itself drop and fall away
Folded up memories cleared
To allow the blank shuffling
Faraway stares unfocused on the present
Drifting moments of silence in flickering thoughts

cc111411

Flailing light of coursing dread
Fills my mind with painful cries
Start the crippling hopeless feeling soon
Shove the depression to the front
You’re alone, it needles
Alone now
Alone tomorrow
Alone forever
Panic only fuels the spreading fears
Alone and worthless are the whispering thoughts
The catcalls of mockery rip shreds of the soul
Run harder before it runs you down

cc111911

I’ve died
I’ve felt the brunt of dis-ease like a disease
The final straw that has broken my heart
Drove a stake through instead
Why now?
The leftover time I’ve been allowed
Is filled with hollowed out emptiness
The screams of pain when there is no one to answer me
Bursts my life at the seams
I have died
I’m gone for sure this time
I cannot even fill the time I have in between
Because I am numb
Dead inside
Without that genuine human touch with no hurtful motive
I’ve gone and died
Withered blossoms of socialization should have fought hard
Hardly fought instead
The weak politeness crept out
I have died
With no thought for the future
I’ve cut my past off to live in the blankness of the present
Don’t fret
I never really lived anyway.

cc111911

The fatigue flows through me
As if it has invaded the marrow of my bones
Leaking out into the flesh
Rendering me paralyzed in an unfocused state
I sleep to live and wish only to end the dulled mind set
It’s crushing to find that shard of thought
Urging me to get up
Do not sleep, it whispers
There is too much to do, the insidious trails of ideas speak
The words taken down seek to undo the restlessness
The blurred vision of the time slipping past in red numbers
Sleep, my body cries
Wait a minute more, my mind calls back
Sleep deprived with burning eyes
A single tear breaks the tie
I cannot go on
Sleep calls me back
Pulling me down to the place I cannot ignore anymore
Sleep, my body whispers
Sleep, my mind sighs

cc111911

There’s nothing to see here
Dusty bottles skewed in the back
The ***** mirror only deepens reflected frowns
There’s nothing to see here
Broke down jukebox squalling about lost loves, lost jobs, and lost luck
There’s nothing to see here
The bus long gone with dreams of many
Pieces of labels litter the floor
There’s nothing to see here
The lights don’t need to flicker at the end
The long nights are empty
Booths are unused
There’s nothing to see here
The doors click shut
Locked down for the night
There’s nothing to see here

cc111711

Finding love in an unattractive package
Feels as though love needs to resort to trickery
To satisfy the perverse need to be loved
But, also, to show that everyone needs love
Long losts to almost have
Each attraction star struck and devoted
If there is none
Then there never was and keep moving
Unattractive or not
Love finds a way

cc111711

Tongues of fire course down my face
My rage screams within the pathways of my mind
You wreck your ignorance against the breakers of logic
You drown your cause in the spreading sea of delusion
Yet, you speak as if every word drips with importance
Touch me not with your illogical brand of fecund derision
I have seen your true side
I have seen how it makes you feel when others trip before you
Glass houses are lost on you
You cast the stone of inevitability because you are blinded
My work
My needs
If self-importance makes you money
Then find a new line of work
This place is growing broke feeding yours

cc111911

Frost tipped lines of unhappy bliss
Ignorance leaves a rancorous taste in my mouth
Fine spikes of knowledge run through the day
Pieces of hints drop gently within
Deaf ears tune out the loss that it is
Speak of nothing
Step around it
Leave it alone
Time runs fast so remember this
Ignoring it only surprises one of us in the end

cc070311

Broken marriages have broken lives
******* up premises and high wire ties
Failed attempts to clear the air
Bring murky clouds in distant eyes of lies
I see you there clinging too hard
You see me here shedding the weight
Of your desperate grasp on my arm at the door
Lots of lives lead separate days
Clear up your eyes and let me go through

cc070311

She broke my heart again
It failed as she skipped out of reach
It’s okay
Little things can go unnoticed
How big can a heart really be?
She gave it a kick as she stumbled over it
That paled in comparison when she stepped on it
I gift wrapped my heart
I even sang a little tune as I tied the bow
She had that look though
A little moue of surprise and a stutter
My heart dropped and I leaned back
Bracing myself always feels like it should help
But, then she broke it
Kicked it
Stepped on it
Scuffed it for sure
It got a little blurry
I knew as soon as she said
“We can still be friends right?”

cc062911

She whispers in the dark
The persuasive blackness leads me wrong
She touches my skin in flutters
Always gone before I reach her
She plays these games to rile me up
It never does
Each game teaches patience
As the blackness fades
Her blur reduces
The games are all gone in the growing light
Her breath whispers against my neck
Her touch warms my skin
The dark will bring another game
But, for now, patience wins again

cc062911

Sweet Salacious Sally was a special girl.
Long and lean, Sal wore pearls and kept a blackjack in her purse.
Shiny and bright, Sally was doing all right.

Sweet Sally rode up to my house on her jet black hog.
When Sally came by, attention was paid and the game was on.
It was time to play so I slid up behind her.
Last looks left the neighbors gawking.
Sweet Salacious Sally was a special girl.

cc063011

Eighteen misses and three survivors
Two broken marriages with one spiteful lost love
Two warring sisters and too many brothers
Numbers don’t always make the lives of another
Crocheted angels and heartfelt hugs
Gone are the days of each of those
Responsible, avoidant, and spoiled
Resentment, confusion, and miscommunication
Ghosts of the past
Harried, busy, and distant
Buy back the time
Patience, hope, and acceptance
Crowding the cast
Three lives play out creating six more
One life still here caught in time
One life locked in with ghosts of the past

cc062611

Hard light and star struck breath
Pinched corners filled with stifled cries
Rash rushed hands in tangled hair
Heart fought racing growing frenzied
Flashing lips tapping tripping touching
Pulling tearing rough handled love
Frantic touches in lost time
Stolen fevered passion crushed together
Harsh rasps gasping in ears of flushed faces
Tight hot lives against the wall
Pitched cries smothered and lost
Falling hands bunched against lush hips
Running lights lingering on glistening cheeks
Sultry lingering brushing back errant hairs
Hands snaking out while looking both ways
Lost in the traffic of people flowing by

cc030711

My muscles tighten, righted after the flight
Goose-flesh ripples as she shimmers past
Licked lips flecked with taste
Hair whispers swishes across the shoulders
Lingering fingertips brush vainly at her arm
She’s already gone
She’s lost among the crowd
Of hopefuls twirling by in the flow
Lost dance in lost lovers’ eyes
Deadened by scent of sweat and alcohol
Lingering touch and fading life
Hard pulses of music flow and ebb
She’s already gone
Lost among the crowd

cc2011

The blood loses its grip as the dreams of fire flow closer.
Alain’s face fills the gap my heart created with her dying breath.
I’ve lost hope more often than I’ve kept count.
Each moment slipped her away.
Every stranger’s touch faded the fresh memory of her breath upon my cheek.

Her heart was mine to the last moment.
Her blood pumped away wetting the field of battle.
I dreaded each day I woke knowing she was gone.
Time would not heal my wound.
It scarred and built numb spots of deadness.
It made it harder to feel.

I will see her.
I will touch her face in wonderment.
I will kiss the corners of her smile.
May the Mother help me.
Alain is waiting.
And I am looking for her.

cc2011

She broke her grip on the strap of my heart
Lipstick stained, pale faced caress
Sultry gone long in a high-heeled daze
Slaps of fright in a lost fight
The strap of my heart ***** loosely in time
To pulses of desire as they beat dimmer
Pushed down swagger of hot sighs
Lost cries to last lies
Broken grips on heart straps
She broke me down in fueled up lies
Broke me down in that last caress

cc2011

Night filled glittering skies
Cloud bright trimmed in lines
Sloe-eyed music pops and fades
Drones straight edged across the lies
Drugged up players in a lit up world
Smooth cries fill the ears of hardhearted rituals
Flashbulb strobes beat the pace
Fist raised groups of hazed out praise
Rushed up feints in the days of the lost
Last light shines as sloe-eyed music pops and fades

cc2011

She’s tense tight
Locked in place with Loctite
Immovable limbs of angular lines
Ripe curves stretched wrong
Tinkling shards of glassed ice
Drop shadowed hooded eyes
Kohl rimmed cries and sighing sobs
Tense tight locked down life
Soul gripping lies slid out to fly
She’s shut off and down
Tense tight unmoving cries

cc2011

There’s nothing special here
Hearts are trampled by and by
Lost looks go searching for lost loves
There’s nothing special here
Long thoughts and short lives
Descending riffs rush by every day
There’s nothing special here
No tour bus stops for the lonely souls
Smoke drifts wafting lazily
Hazily the air never clears
There’s nothing special here
High times never made it through
The door stays shut as often as not
Slumped shouldered fools look down
Frowns etched sketched amid the lines
There’s nothing special here
Just lost souls and hazy minds
There’s nothing special here

cc0111

Sun-filled mornings burn bright
Warm smells of life dashing by
Squint eyed despair peeking out of the dark
Bright memories gone degraded by time
Broken life shuffles slowly by
Rings click on the spokes of a chair
Wheels turning slowly around
Bumps on the door jamb from failing sight
Lost mornings sunny dipped in light
Burns on the minds sticking to life
Soft darkness covering slow moving despair
Bright days dissolving into lost nights
Squint eyed despair and fumbling thoughts
Slow moving wheels and dangling legs

cc1210

Her mind is gone
Lost among the dust
Her lies pierce me
Inadvertent as they are
One day bleeds into the next
Days of the week spelled out
Empty spaces in the pillbox
Sharp eyes grow confused
Losing their purchase of life around
My heart tears amongst the dust
Lost life murmuring in the dark
Surefooted stumbles and quick falls
Blurring confusion sweeps past
Room filled memories gathering dust
Her mind is lost
Gone amongst the dust

cc1210

Fat blats fill the humid, night air
Chromed up machines ride tonight
Leather clad bodies with slick lines
Long legged, lean ladies rev their smiles
Black lined lips glossed smooth with red
Blood red fingertips scratch their pleasure
Nails run races up the backs
Smirked smiles know where they long to flit
Lip curling snarls as shivers run out
Sloe eyed partners strut by the line
Flicking their tails like bashful does
Paired up pretties ride out in squeals
Tires spin flashing through the lamp light
Paired up pretties hang tight tonight

cc1210

She broke hard right in my grip
Sweat poured life roared
Muscles **** skipped a beat
She slip tripped against my line
My lips flicked fire left a trail
Blazed hard left against a wall
She licked the last light flaring
Tongue tight flickered out
Cries begged out battered my ears
Soft shudders arched up singing their sighs
Lost tight life spurred beyond
Drifting down soaked straight through
Light fingers whispering down
She broke hard right in my arms

cc1210

Harsh light falls on my fearful face
She stop thumped against my heart
Gliding night on crinkled tights
She worked and quirked her way in to me
Shoulders clinched as she spun her drift
She stomped trod on my soul
Set aloft in the ***** air
My eyes slopped their tears
Wet down her hair as she clenched
Lips dragged drug down my neck
Lamp lit light flung down and low
Fearful thoughts because I’ll crawl back
Fearsome thoughts as she works again.

cc1210

Last night I dreamed again.
I tripped the soul right out of me.
Danced dashed against the moon.
I dove through the night.
Skinned through it to get to you.
Slipped flitted out of my body.
Just slunk over to you.
I screamed my rage at you!
Tore out my heart for you.
If sleep is the little death,
Then I'll see you again tonight.

cc1210

Wishful thinking and a smattering
Freckles sprinkled across her cheek
A winking *** brought tight aloft
A slick line of buttery soft
Feathery light against my find
A curve brushed with a fingertip
My smile flipped slid away
Her mouth flashed a blurred flirt
She touched the flush
That brought the heat her lips flicked
Eyes closed with a bunched fist
Hair tangled as her fingers wove
Lips parted brushed a last kiss
Heat gone left with frayed thoughts
Wishful thinking as she slipped away

cc1210

A sweet start of my hard heart
Blew through the night of lost light
She danced left as I broke right
Her grip crushed my thought
Tore it two as I tossed a laugh
A whisper kiss shivered my spine
A lingering lick crossed my lip
Caressing my heart and my thigh
She danced right as I broke left
A slow stop let me cruise through
As she winked a last goodbye

cc1210

She slip slid into my reach
My heart double-timed to right itself
Loose grips and tight fits
She touched me along the wrong side
Brushed me down and wriggled those hips
Breath stuttered as my ears she kissed
The peaks of sighs and quick hitch
She gave me a taste with a little nip
My lip bruised and my stomach clenched
She slip slid against my heart
A piece of life glossed and smooth
She gripped my soul without a thought
A crush of skin against my body
Before she slip slid right out of my reach

cc2010

The dread of consciousness fills me.
The numbness fades away
As I reach out for the space beside me.
The fire lights the blood
Illuminating it for all to see
No one will though.
I am alone again.
The blood pounds through my head
Beating itself against my skull
‘Out!’ It wails at me.
I cannot.
‘Alain…’
My voice cracks
Like the ancient creaks of a tomb.
Forever I am tormented.
Forever she will be out of reach.
‘No,’ the fire hisses at me.
‘No!’ It cries building itself up.
‘I cannot!’ I cry raising my arms
Shielding against the wall of blood and fire
I am lost.

cc2010

The darkness is a cradle.
The blankness is a cocoon of nothingness.
Being lost here is a relief.
Nothing hurts here.
The last lingering taste of blood fades.
The phantom breeze clears the burnt smell.
Lost thoughts drift away.
Lost memories skip just out of reach.
I am lost.
The dreams of fire and blood blink out.
The darkness is a cradle.
Nothing hurts here.
I am lost.

cc2010

Blood and Fire
Blood flashes
Blood pulses
A wall of flames consumes.
‘Alain!’ I cry.
‘Alain!’ I wail.
Blood pulses out as the breath leaves her.
‘Alain!’ I roar.
Blood-red flashes
A tide of blood replaced by fire
I am lost.
The fire consumes all.
Flame builds
The world goes red.

cc2010