I don't fear your darkness
Surreptitiously speaking
With a condescending voice
You think you're keeping
My eyes gaze is never far away
And the glint in your eyes
Tells me more than it has to say

The fact that some would run reeling
At the side of yourself shown
You find less appealing
Is a cynical fiber
Which you've taken to reeling
While weeping and reaching
For understanding and feeling
I can only display what escapes
From concealing

Revealing to you
My own demon's caress
And how it yearns for intervention
And feigns duress
Until you show up with your mess
In its subtlety
And it admires your candor
Right there where you lay
How you live with fear
Yet still show up on display

And not for a moment
Do you hide from the past
With a heart stitched on your sleeve
It remains steadfast
So I'll reach for you
Here and now at last
Before the intoxication fades
And we think too fast
Will you come play with me?

My cell phone lights up
Its my friend George:
Come back to the hospital Chris
You cannot afford to miss this

I stare at my withered face a little longer
in the mirror
My reflection has been torn asunder
I look tired, unfit to wear the uniform
thrown under my desk
Combing my hair, checking my teeth
I allow this present demon to dissipate
Amongst the broken tendrils
of haunting thoughts
And a horrible screaming cacophony

Meeting my gaze and preparing
for whatever the weather
has become outside
Pulled by a premise of the reprisal
to my fantasy
Perhaps the length of this silence
Is actually foreshadowing a miracle
I believe

I'm led by the shadows
of alternate realities
Harnessing the power to stifle this sequestering doubt
and all my fears
As I shut the door, I walk with footsteps
That imagine running to greet you
Holding you tight and holding back tears
As if it was the first time I'd meet you

I strengthen my resolve
It brings me pain to revolve
My strained thoughts
Around fairy tales
All the while Jacoby Shaddix is echoing
'She loves me not'
My third eye blind pushes me in
'The background'
And simultaneously, I tell myself
'Keep the soul, that's control'

I feel my heart pounding in my chest
Beads of sweat trace the lines of my palms
Because I know that if I had seen her today
I could leave everything else behind
It would all be beautifully different
Instead I receive the most disappointing news this week

Because I've learned that when the difference between
What you know and what you believe
Is rubbed in your nose and laid at your feet
Even that cupcake...
And everything else is bittersweet

In an effort to preserve a solitary strand of consciousness laced with conscientiousness that I can only describe as the lingering remnants of hope within me, I'd like to take the time to catalogue this lonely thought amidst an overwhelming, unwanted, and relentless cacophony.

Sometimes, even within the most ludicrous events or wanderings of the mind we can find a moment of gratitude or humble ourselves to then change our perspective
-however briefly.

Think about how tirelessly a phone speaker or any electronic device for that matter works to provide as a source of consistent entertainment, comfort, and support (depending on how you utilize your devices). Yet the minute it breaks or fails, we viciously attack it for having failed us; chastising, deploring, and implementing our derogatory sleights once it deviated outside of its expectancy. Negating the circumstances previous in which it has been right there to provide what we desired or needed in real time.

The same thing can be applied to how we treat each other. It is vital to remember if we feel that someone has failed us to simultaneously recall how many times they have been there when we needed them. And most importantly forgive them the faults of their human condition while gaining the ability to recognize those very faults within ourselves. Approach with understanding, share wisdom, and spread compassion as you tread. Even if the circumstances do not fall in kind with you. The reason behind your pain, confusion, and suffering is so that you'll know when the good times come. "What you are, I once was. What I am, so you will become."

Her red roses have thorns
Her black demons surreptitiously lie
It's like witnessing good flora be dissolved
By potassium hydroxide
The only trouble with her is this:
All the while she is looking inside
With a magnifying glass
For each and anything amiss
I'm viewing her with a kaleidoscope

Yet I magnify the intensity of her colors
While she resides within
Her fractured self-image
But she's metamorphic
Beneath that stress and pressure
These tests cause duress
And weigh heavy burdens
Upon her chest

Yet instead of diamonds
She produces a blue sapphire
Something a little brighter
To which she can hold on tighter
I hope the load feels a little lighter
As I throw my rope in
And climb down there with her

Picture us collecting leaves
With hearts on sleeves
Forming jewels, relief swelling our heads
Instead of the familiar usual ache
Of wondering fools

Let's weave and wind our own designs
And leave the threaded webs
Of past mistakes behind
To the point in time
Where pressing rewind isn't so lonely
Stones can be cold, or shine like silver
Because we both know that gold
Is cheap and phony

But not the heart of the ocean
Deep with devotion
A jewel of eternal love
With Blue Sapphire eyes
I will light up your dark skies
And reveal to you the stars above

I said it out loud
So there would be no shroud
No elusive vestige's veneer
Leaving fingerprints and clouds
No shadow of a doubt
That isn't allowed
And I'm certain the only time to say it
Was right now

No intricacies or implicit notions
Only acting in time
And staying in motion
While we'd been singing all night
Of a hearts devotion
An ocean flooded through me
Like I had drained a potion

I couldn't wait to retrace footsteps
Once you come back
Even though in person
Would have been using more tact
Even more there was
An irrepressible desire to state a fact

So even though
It may not be the right time or place
I'd rather let you in now
Than wait to see your face
I don't need an answer
Just take my words and don't recede

I'll be patiently waiting
Until you find your reprieve
It may have been ill conceived
But it's what I know
And choose to believe

We exchange phrases in the dark
Like playmates turned confidants
That needed a necessary spark
To release a subtle vulnerability

While my own heart goes crazy with this longing, festering desire
Unsightly circumstances that are shallow and pedantic
Helpless to the careful method
In which your soft voice enraptures me

If I paid attention
Suspended my voice of reason
I'd end up searching for a branch to connect us that bears no fruit
For attraction is aloof
And ever fleeting

And it's been years since we met
With nothing in between
No lover's dreams connecting us
All that comes from me on impulse
Is lust
As you lay enveloped in young covers
And I in forgotten rust

I lay here on my cowardly spine
Tracing lines through memories
Attempting to control the feelings overwhelming me
I'm Lovecraft's outsider
Who fell off the face of the earth once looking upon his reflection
My clever deception that forever keeps me second guessing

Here comes another confession
As we lay discussing seemingly ethereal dreams
You tell me surreptitiously
About your hatred for concession stands
And breach this tension
That broke my mind's sinful schemes

You're such a good friend
Lying in bed and taking the time
To engage in a real discussion
All the while I'm fighting to control how my face is blushing

I'm definitely attracted but I wouldn't hold that sentiment
So I sit with a preventative
Dose of rationale designed to corral all these untethered caprices

It's like a fascist demands to make a statement
While a whimsical, dying romantic sates himself in a debate
I don't ever ask questions to get the answers I'm looking for
When all it takes is a turn of phrase
Or an upturned twitch in cheek
Which leaks so much more than mere words can say

I appreciate you for the jovial tune your voice gives away
It brings me forward from self-deprecation and the drama Towards honesty

I value your pleasant enthusiasm while the lights are off
That dissipates my impure thoughts
It puts me in a righteous place
Until the break of dawn when we can see our faces
And once again adorn our individual reliefs

You've confided in me more than what others get to see
Life has been rough and even though I'm lingering
Longing for your touch
Your careful words mean so much
And truly I think it's enough

Reach out and cut your hands on the glass strand shards
Sticking out of my heart
Shouting in rage; forgetting my age
Desperately hoping to engage
Or restart

Walking on eggshells and retract
From the fact that both my feet retreat
When I sense you lurking so tactfully
One wrong step severs that last kind breath
Until we forget what it was like before
In between a battleground haze (mazes comprised to our designs)
And ulterior motives

It's amazing how forgetful we can be
Until there's no good memories
I need some recompense to provide for an accurate censor
And try to determine why I feel greed
And propensity in my relationships

I don't want to be caught in the same headspace
What a waste to frivolously seek the finish line
Leaving impressive vines with no roots
And nothing to annoint
But I suppose its due to the exceedingly increasing value
Of time and how that robs us blind
With nothing to do
And a moot point